Escape with Kelly Slater - video
It hasn't been a great week for Kelly Slater. On the same day he released an Outerknown video to conserve the oceans he made a clumsy remark on Instagram about killing sharks. It would've been a throwaway line by anyone else, explained away with a shrug of the shoulders, but it was treated as holy scripture owing to the Great Bald One's status - or a lack of any real news in surfdom.
The Great Bald One batted away all attackers on Instagram. "Please say what you feel you need to say to me below. I promise I'll read all the comments and respond if I can," he implored on his last IG post.
There are now over 4,000 comments and you can bet he regrets his quick lips.
But look who's having the last laugh! On the same day he's responding to 4,000 angry greenies this video surfaces. Coincidence, or a subtle piece of online deflection?
I mean, look at these waves. Are you not beguiled? Who cares about sharks when we can lose ourselves in the womb with the Great Bald One.
Comments
I'm in
Now if you could just disguise that view of the jetty into something resembling distant palm trees, it would be pretty close to perfect.
Crotching in a barrel that long, must be a killer on the knees. Lucky bastard!
How clean is that lipline?!
But, it's not really a tube ride these days unless you're on the foamball hey Kelly.
Has the wave improved since the last clip?
Looks like a better keg now, from the inside anyway.
c'mon lets see the stand up barrel , when?
it's making me nervous. why are stand-up surfers putting so much time and money into making a perfect kneeboarding wave?
it's a trap, i tell you. a trap!
"Great Bald One."
Ild be trademarking that..
Wouldn't mind one.
pretty shithouse view in my opinion.
Was recently reading an article where ASR said if you wanted to build a really good surfing reef in the ocean it would cost 15 million dollars.
I agree.
I'm starting to think that wave pools could be more cost effective, given the fact wave pools can produce waves 24/7 (compared to the inconsistency of the ocean) and as the technology evolves the wave rate will increase and a wave pool will be able to produce more waves per hour than the ocean is capable of.
I think crowd funding is the obvious way forward because each surfer would then have a share and a say in the direction that wave pool technology will evolve.
The thought of corporate owned wave pools is not the future I would like to see.
There is a 400 acre farm at Woodburn for sale at $1.8 million.
5,000 north coast surfers $360 each and WE own a site where we can get a wave pool built.
Year two put in another $50 each that's $250,000 and set up a solar farm and start selling power to generate funds to get the wave pool built.
Year 3 invest in thermal solar which has the ability to supply power at night.
Here is a link to the farm which fronts onto the Richmond River so water isn't a problem plus it already has 4 large ponds excavated.
http://www.sellwithoutagents.com.au/properties/woodburn01/
Is that the same property you mentioned a few years back ?
Would love it as a left , but I wouldn't say no if ever given a chance to surf this man made marvel.
The Bald-One's status in the world of surfing is indeed far reaching.
...in the small town of Lemoore, not so.
Excluding the community from the site and not being active in the community, which would welcome any contribution or recognition, is rather deeply felt.
Yew! That'd be sickballz with the ol' hand-plane!
I would be impressed if a Tom Carroll mini surfer doll could surf it.
I would hazard a guess that even smelly skater hates being shandered like that on that last one.
Maybe instead of culling the sharks, they're caught and relocated to Kelly's wave pool. Imagine the in-the-barrel footage with a few sharky silhouettes whizzing past. Like the lion cage at the zoo the sharks would be well fed so you'd only get the odd mauling. Kelly could charge extra for the "privilege".
Maybe instead of culling the sharks, they're caught and relocated to Kelly's wave pool. Imagine the in-the-barrel footage with a few sharky silhouettes whizzing past. Like the lion cage at the zoo the sharks would be well fed so you'd only get the odd mauling. Kelly could charge extra for the "privilege".
I just found a new mini surfer- RC Surfing So. Cal.
what is the jet ski for? can't you just get out and walk back?
boring
Fucking boring alright.
I love a barrel.
No , I mean I really love a barrel.
You know why I love a barrel ?
It's not just the crazy intensity of the oceanic energy condensed into a few metres of power, incline , speed and drama.
It's also the sense of momentus occasion that results from having pursued such a revelation as the few seconds within the belly of the undomesticated beast that is the worlds last frontier - the 2/3 of the worlds surface yet to be claimed by greed Head fucktards .
Exception granted of course to the cocks at the Claude Graves inspired Nihiwatu fuckwit extravaganza on Sumba .
The ocean is free and not subject to the dictates of money.
That's why it is so cool to get a barrel.
You can't pinpoint the time or place when that peak moment will happen. You can certainly narrow down the windows of opportunity but there is still no guarantee.....and that's what makes it so exciting.
I bet you $100 that if Kelly surfed his wave pool for 4 days straight - and I'm being VERY generous with that time frame - then he would be bored shitless to the point of needing to experiment with equipment / approach / camera angles . Fuck , even fake smiles to generate appeal.
I've been barrelled in perfect waves in the ocean and gotten bored in 3 days.
In a manky backwater 100 kms from the spirituality and stimulation of the ocean I'd give it a day before the adrenaline disappeared.
Predictability = boredom.
Simple equation.
I've always admired Kelly's domination if not his surfing style.
But by encouraging the breakdown of this last barrier between surfing as an exclusive pursuit for those willing to sacrifice a life towards mastering the vagaries of the ocean and gifting the ability of the gymnastic requirements to the plebs that value rote learning without challenge in you're kiddies pool you have fucked over everyone that values the lifestyle of surfing.
Fuck you Kelly Slater.
Sell out cunt.
Someone was always going to do it - like anything profitable in this world - but for you to put your hand up has just negated any respect you had accumulated during 45 years of being an inspired surfer.
PS - You know what makes it so galling ?
It's the fact that you don't need the money or fame or respect that the power of becoming Wavepool Kommandant entails.
I probably shouldn't judge you on the psychological deficiencies that drove you to this point as they also drove you to progress surfing so rapidly - but having said that , I don't think surfing is any more fundamentally fun than before you appeared. In fact , I'd say your spectacular success has made surfing bigger and therefore less fun due to overcrowding.
But....fuck it. I'm judging you hard you shitbag.
You're a grown man. You've got everything you could need or want . But still you want MORE by producing and promoting the device that will lead to the true ruination of surfing as an enjoyable pastime.
My only consolation is that you , as someone that loves surfing as much as anyone , will also be subjected to the ridiculous inundation of pool raised fucktards flooding the worlds breaks .
Drown in your creation cocksucker.
I can't even lighten the insult by saying I'd have done the same thing.
Please cut n paste this brilliance to Kelly's Instagram. I doubt he looks at Swellnet and I would love him to read it. Seeing as he barely surfs these days (where are the recent video clips of him surfing outside of tour stops? Not many if any.) he's probably on his Instashame page right now arguing with some kid or scrolling through pictures of "chemtrails".
All that.
But I'd still love to have a go.
.
Few years ago I wrote a trio of articles about the WSL assuming ownership of the ASP and how they plan to grow the sport.
Here's a passage:
"ZoSea's Chief Marketing Officer Michael Lynch...said of surfing's fan base, “the ASP found through research via Repucom that there are 130 million “hand raisers,” and 120 million bona fide fans of the sport.” As for the future, Lynch said in the same interview that “we are in business to celebrate and grow the sport worldwide; there's a potential to have some 250 million real fans.”
Those articles caused a bit of debate yet not one single person found cause to censure the WSL for "growing the sport worldwide" - and not growing it by a bit but growing it by a LOT. Nourished by the funds of a non-surfing billionaire, aided by the desire of a bald figurehead, and wilfully abetted by everyone who unquestioningly accepts their MO, the WSL, if they succeed, will crowd more lineups than any threat we currently know.
The audiences have lagged in their first four years, showing up some shortcomings in Repucom's research, so you can see why they're rushing towards wavepools.
Where are the bull sharks Kelly.
American Exceptionalism is Septic.
Seppo
There is a major issue in fast tracking the masses into being barrel monkies. I like the way it is now where you see a hell of a lot of unco tube riding. I would rather see old school skate parks with huge snake runs dotted down our coastline. It has taken me a lifetime to be cosy inside a barrel.
Re: the boredom
On the Occ-Cast with Slater, Kelly said this facility is just a testing prototyoe. He said, beside turbulence damping, building sections into the wave was an important part of the evolution so it has something for most surfers.
How could you possibly not be fully stoked to see a perfect barrel that will be soon available to all of us . Do you not understand that this is what we have all dreamt about . If you say you dont want this type of thing you deserve to surf with 100 grommets when you are in your fifties
This is the answer to the overcrowded surf spots in the world . There is only Thousands of good waves produced every day and we have millions of surfers so you do the math.
I'd be buzzing for months after one of those glassy waves without a drop of water out of place. Even if I'm crouching more than I'd like. What is the cost of electricity per wave? I'd pay it.