God, I never thought would find myself on the side of the Corporate Death Star, but in the case of the Bottom 30 vs the WSL it's damn hard not to see the petitioning surfers as proving the old adage: No-one ever went broke betting against the stupidity of pro surfers.

I mean, the petition was filed after a meeting on April 11,2022. That's four fucking days ago! Almost two years since the proposal was launched by new CEO Erik Logan in July 2020. To say this last minute dummy spit is a day late and a dollar short is a massive understatement. These guys have managers and coaches and sponsors and, allegedly, minds of their own. If they couldn't see the ramifications of the mid-season cut coming down the railway tunnel you can't blame the WSL if they suddenly panic as they are about to get steamrolled. They do have one legitimate point, which we will come back to, but first we must finish off today's wrap of another damn fine day at Bells.

Straight up, it was pumping again this morning. Magic. Maybe better than yesterday with an offshore breeze coming across the ochre-hued paddocks. Another day where that pale, pastel sunrise over Winkipop frames perfect corduroy lines.

Owen Wright had two bombs within his opening five minutes against Nat Young. He just had bigger turns, on better waves, framed up with perfect stillness between moves. In his presser, O'Dog referenced equipment troubles as part of the reason his last two seasons have been so miserable. To my eye, his boards haven't looked right since he switched to small epoxies for the 2019 Surf Ranch Pro. They look too chattery, too unreliable for his frame. Clean conditions suited his continued embrace of the epoxy but in more textured surf that choice of equipment may once again prove a liability.

Owen (Sloane/WSL)

Jacko Baker needed something like a perfect heat to take out Ethan Ewing who was always going to look better turn for turn. He had the opportunity with a bomb set in the opening minutes and overcooked the second turn for a total fail. Ewing stayed with perfect form - if anything, slightly under-appreciated by judges - for turns that were only a micro-notch away from matching Florence. Baker came back with a safety-surfed set wave that netted a 7 and then got stranded needing another 7 as the tide pushed in and the initial flurry of set waves slowed down.

Ewing can take out this event, but the main opponent will be within. He described his own surfing as “tentative and nervous” but that he had decided to “surf smart”. Subsequent heats showed the potential futility of that approach when facing off against either Toledo or Florence. Very, very quickly Ewing will have to feel comfortable pushing turns to 90%+. or he is going to get smoked.

Ethan (Sloane/WSL)

There was a lot of weirdness in the Toledo/O'Leary heat. Both brother signatories to the petition (why the fuck is Toledo on there?) Straight up, Toledo put a two point spread on O'Leary for the opening exchange, which summed up the disparity in skill between them. There was no way O'Leary was going to outsurf Toledo on a wave by wave comparison but he got no help either.

In scenes that commentator Ronnie Blakey termed “baffling” and Rabbit Bartholomew called “an imperfect science”, Toledo was able to wrangle the jet ski assist in his favor to get priority on two occasions in close proximity. On the first, Toledo dropped a series of high impact turns on a perfect wall for a big score, right after O'Leary. They were both in the shorey but Toledo got on the ski first and got back out first. I assumed because they had both ridden waves simultaneously that O'Leary would regain priority as a matter of course. They gave it to Toledo.

The same thing happened minutes later but in reverse. Toledo was on the first wave of the set and O'Leary the second. This time O'Leary was first to mount the sled and had a clear advantage heading out the back. Toledo stayed on longer than O'Leary, slingshotting himself off the ski at speed. In a paddle battle where he started ahead he was awarded the P again. That seems a queer application of the jet ski assist to regain priority, no? In the end, it mattered not because Toledo's excellent heat total was in no danger of being surmounted by O'Leary. But still, if I was Team O'Leary I would be knocking on the glass and (politely) demanding an explanation from the Head Judge.

What to say about John John Florence today, except he was better than yesterday, and quite mind-blowing. In fact, very mind-blowing. Like Ewing, the enemy is within. In the case of Florence he is cruelled by his own comparisons. Judges gave his opening ride a 9. By natural rights it should have gone higher, but in the back of their minds was the very real possibility he could go even harder. John is continually scored against some imaginary level of performance only he can attain. It doesn't seem fair, but that's the way it is.

John (Sloane/WSL)

Morgs, like every rookie against a big name, needed a perfect heat. There would be no ambush in measly beachbreaks like Merewether and Narrabeen, where Ciblic opened up a 2-0 record against the two-time champ. He needed to go big yet he fell on both his major opportunities.

That was a bummer. What was a bigger bummer to me was Morgs' post-heat presser. The delusion was strong. Claiming it was a slow heat where they were both starved of opportunities was an abject denial of reality. They both got four waves. All four of John's would make any surf video highlight reel or edit. Not one of Morgs' would. John later claimed, “it was as good as you can imagine Bells being”.

Morgs, as you might imagine, is a signatory on the petition.

John is not.

Kolohe Andino had a much firmer grasp on reality in his self-assessment after his loss to Miggy Pupo in Heat 6. He started out by stating he took out the wrong board, something with groveler characteristics, before outlining the brutal but true nature of the heat: “I got outsurfed. Miggy smashed me.” Then adding, “I was a bit embarrassed”.

To which I immediately raised my eyebrows. 

You took out the wrong board..?

 After watching three hours of perfect 4-6 foot Bells, presumably with a coach collecting 10% of earnings, you could not choose the right board between you?

Huh?

Don't get me wrong, I would not want to be scrapping for a set wave at 10 foot Pipe or be in the position to have to swing on a backless one at Teahupoo to pay the rent, but I'm damn sure I could choose the correct board for perfect Bells if my job depended on it. And so could you.

Michael Fanning surfed his 100th CT heat at Bells today. It was huge news. Crowds on the beach, every news story lead with it etc etc. Even my dear old Dad, never rode a wave in his life, well apart from a body bash on Christmas Day, whipped out to watch the heat. Robson started terribly, just like Cibilic.

“Thats it,” I told Dad. “He's a cooked goose, Fanning will carve him up into little pieces."

Mick (Sloane/WSL)

Fanning opened up a lead. Two 6's and change played two 5's through the guts of the heat. Every wave he looked better, sharper, more creative than Robson.

“He's gone,” I said.

My Dad was talking about Fanning and the shark.

Yeah, yeah.

Robson got a decent wave and nailed a 6.73 for a tricky, weird wave that went against the grain as far as scoring goes.

That left him with a chance of winning with ten to play. The set arrived and he did two carves before a full throated turn back into the bowl and nailed the finish.

“He got it,” my Dad said.

“Nah, short,” I responded.

Judges gave him the score and change.

I don't think Robson and his team realise how big this win is. It's huge. Pro surfing now, especially now in the Age of Content, is so much more than the turns and the tubes and the equipment. There has to be a story, a why. Why would people tune in to watch? Pro surfers more than ever need to answer that question.

Robson became a household name with that one wave. The ramifications of that wave will be felt within weeks. His bare beak will be adorned with stickers or texta by G'Land. And to be honest, he will have deserved every bit of it after that gritty victory.

Callum (Sloane/WSL)

Let’s take a moment to pay Fanning's showmanship. The 'Aw, shucks, I'm just an unfit old guy' schtick was note perfect rope a dope. "I'm just here for fun to show my family what I do.” Not a word of it true, of course. Fanning remains one of the fittest, most intense and competitive surfers on the planet. But the mainstream media and ELO's mass market fans lapped it up. It was brilliant stuff.

Jack Robbo looked worse in clean conditions than he did in the bump yesterday, yet still brilliant.

As did Italo.

Even with the speed dealer sunnies on you can feel the thousand yard stare of Jack Robinson in the presser as he dished out a cosmic recipe for success.

“You have to feel it within, and be free out there. It's standard but hard to do in the moment”.

And then, “I'm staying in my time.”

Robbo is coming on strong. The opposite of an over-coached robot. He feels more like some quirky throwback from the 70's.

Surf turned a bit caca for the women. Sets slowed down. Wind went funky. Sal was not strong enough for Conlogue.

Steph fell too often against Carissa (on the petition!).

It was Tyler who looked the most on. The variety has come back into her surfing. She's looking better than she has for years.

Hennessy just got the job done against Defay.

Tyler (Sloane/WSL)

Back to the petition. It's true the Challenger Series was pitched as a stand alone series after the Championship Tour wrapped. It's a joke that CT surfers should be in there contending with the Challengers, if the CS series is supposedly the entrance back onto the CT. What's the point of a cut if that is the case?

Also the wildcards, especially for injured surfers are a very real issue.

WSL needs to stop handing out wildcards to people not on tour and give the injured surfers a fair shake.

Otherwise, to paraphrase philosopher Thomas Hobbes: Life is nasty, brutish, and short, and pro surfing owes no-one a living.

//STEVE SHEARER