Surf Abu Dhabi Pro: Day One
Surf Abu Dhabi Pro: Day One
It was the contest absolutely no-one wanted back on tour. Not even perennial boosters like Sam George could muster the enthusiasm to write an op-ed last year calling for the re-introduction of the tub.
Yet here we were, under grey skies with a nagging wind which had turned the right into mushy dog-shit, watching a wave which Jack Robinson had called “repetitive” and “boring to watch.” What was incredible about the day, and this new tub, was just how boring it was. Somehow, they had taken the boring factor from Kelly's Tub and ramped it up to 11.
Some of it came down to the wave; it's objectively worse than Lemoore.
It's exactly the same length, so still too long but in widening the pool they have introduced much more weird funky wobble into the wave as water sloshes around in the “basin”.
The outside sections on both right and left are slower and slopier, ostensibly to make the wave easier to ride but its reduced the potential for major turns. The left now has a mid-wave barrel that sucks up half the ride and then a truly Lilliputian end tube that big bodies like Connor O'Leary had to almost kneeboard through.
Tub life (WSL/Diz)
This engineering marvel is a downgrade.
And really, with all the breathless hype we've seen about this being an engineering marvel, is it? It wouldn't even be top 10 in the UAE.
Macchu Picchu is an engineering marvel.
The Giza Pyramid complex is an engineering marvel.
The Great Wall of China is an engineering marvel.
The Abu Dhabi Tub is a rectangular ditch carved out by modern earth moving machinery with a train track running through it.
About the only thing it has in common with true engineering marvels is that it was built with bonded labour.
Some of the surreal levels of boredom came down to the lack of a crowd. Golf claps from coaches and Joe Turpel's syrupy nothingness echoing around the facility were a bizarre substitute for any kind of normal human reaction. It was like a dark matter doppelganger of a professional sporting event. An example of what happens when you drain out every atom of excitement, variety, drama, interest, passion, unpredictability.
A strictly industrial process producing a bland sausage that no-one asked for and no-one wanted to eat. An event that can only be appraised in negative terms - as something that it wasn't, or shouldn't be.
Lineup (WSL/Diz)
Frankly, watching a few Joe and Karen Average surfers trying to make sense of their $400 waves would have offered more entertainment.
But this isn't about surfing now, or even running an interesting event. This is a shiny bauble for the sheikhs to add to the other real estate and tourism assets which help diversify the petro-state's economy and divert Western attention from the less savoury aspects of the regime's autocratic tendencies.
We are here, in short, because sportswashing is awesome. Sportswashing works. From LIV Golf, to Fight Island and now to the Abu Dhabi Tub. Money talks, often very cheaply. People get bought off for pennies and once getting a pay day they become advocates.
The Abu Dhabi National Oil Company (ADNOC) is one of the largest oil companies on Earth, with production of 4 million barrels per day in 2021 and plans to expand to 5 million BPD by 2030. The UAE holds the sixth-largest proven reserves of oil in the world at 105 billion barrels. Most of these reserves are located in Abu Dhabi. The CEO of ADNOC, Sultan Al Jaber, is also the UAE special envoy on Climate Change and was the head of COP 28. He claims upcoming technology will pull carbon out of the air to make rocks. ADNOC has committed to increase oil production amid growing pressure to reduce output due to climate change.
Investing in wavepools and cashing out what is needed to pay out the WSL and keep all the pro surfers happy and smiling is a pissant little investment for the sheikhs when revenue from hydro-carbons is measured in the tens of billions per year and growing.
What happened to all the benefits the tub was going to shower down on pro surfing and then by osmosis onto recreational surfers?
You can't remember..?
Don't worry, I kept the receipts. We were told we were going to see this amazing flowering in progression. We didn't. The vast majority of rides are completely bog standard.
Board design was going to be rapidly advanced under the controlled environment, in all facets of the craft. Materials, shape, fins. All going to massively improve.
Apart from Filipe Toledo's magic carbon quad - years old now - most of the pros rode bog standard PU/PE shortboards. A few rode EPS/carbon builds but these are not tub innovations.
Barron floating (WSL/Geada)
As for the surfing? Look at the scores. Not a single one threatened the excellent range. Eight hours of surfing and not a single excellent ride. Toledo came closest with a 7.83 for a non-air wave righthander.
Jack Robinson had the most on the line. After a second last place finish at Pipe and a terrible record in the tub, Robbo was laser focussed. He surfed competently, finished his rides and slid through with ease.
Of the wildcards only Mateus Herdy made a dent and moves onto the Round of 16.
Bronson Meydi has an insane air game and tried to use it, which at least added some excitement to his heat. He could not produce a make in the night session. Griff looked controlled and conservative. To be fair, he said he was only surfing at 70-80% and wanted to save his best surfing for the Finals.
Ethan and Jordy were solid on the rail. Toledo still looks the best of the pros out there. His small stature and spicy quad suit the wave more than anyone.
Joel Vaughan (WSL/Geada)
Air games paid off for rookies Jackson Bunch and Joel Vaughan. They made the wave easier for the pros, they took away the beautiful simplicity of the leaderboard format. Bringing back some type of Squid Games-style theatre to the tub would at least add some interest to the spectator.
If the tub has to stay, and petro-state money says it will, then I suggest using it as the cut event. Four waves each with a leaderboard. Performers go on, losers get the next Emirates flight out. The desert gets watered with pro surfer tears.
Something needs to be done to enliven this dreadful and deadly dull non-spectacle. A judging controversy was all we remember from the last Lemoore event. Failing another one, this event is destined to sink to the bottom as an embarrassing episode for surfing. Money hides a multitude of sins but it can’t erase the shame this debacle is bringing to the sport.
// STEVE SHEARER
Surf Abu Dhabi Pro Men’s Qualifying Round Results:
HEAT 1: Connor O'Leary (JPN) 10.87 DEF. Jake Marshall (USA) 9.83, Edgard Groggia (BRA) 4.96
HEAT 2: Jackson Bunch (HAW) 13.10 DEF. Miguel Pupo (BRA) 11.30, Barron Mamiya (HAW) 11.06
HEAT 3: Jack Robinson (AUS) 12.96 DEF. George Pittar (AUS) 10.73, Ian Gentil (HAW) 8.17
HEAT 4: Ethan Ewing (AUS) 13.73 DEF. Mateus Herdy (BRA) 12.17, Matthew McGillivray (RSA) 11.10
HEAT 5: Griffin Colapinto (USA) 14.57 DEF. Imaikalani deVault (HAW) 10.27, Kauli Vaast (FRA) 9.03
HEAT 6: Italo Ferreira (BRA) 12.90 DEF. Bronson Meydi (INA) 11.30, Joel Vaughan (AUS) 10.50
HEAT 7: Yago Dora (BRA) 12.20 DEF. Samuel Pupo (BRA) 12.00, Cole Houshmand (USA) 11.94
HEAT 8: Jordy Smith (RSA) 11.77 DEF. Seth Moniz (HAW) 8.97, Deivid Silva (BRA) 8.57
HEAT 9: Rio Waida (INA) 14.34 DEF. Ryan Callinan (AUS) 10.63, Alejo Muniz (BRA) 9.94
HEAT 10: Filipe Toledo (BRA) 14.50 DEF. Ian Gouveia (BRA) 10.03, Marco Mignot (FRA) 8.77
HEAT 11: Kanoa Igarashi (JPN) 13.87 DEF. Leonardo Fioravanti (ITA) 13.66, Alan Cleland (MEX) 6.20
HEAT 12: Liam O'Brien (AUS) 12.70 DEF. Ramzi Boukhiam (MAR) 11.87, Joao Chianca (BRA) 10.83
Surf Abu Dhabi Pro Men’s Elimination Round Results:
1 - Miguel Pupo (BRA) 7.77
2 - Joel Vaughan (AUS) 7.60
3 - Deivid Silva (BRA) 7.40
4 - Mateus Herdy (BRA) 7.37
----------------
5 - Samuel Pupo (BRA) 7.07
6 - Leonardo Fioravanti (ITA) 6.87
7- George Pittar (AUS) 6.80
8 - Matthew McGillivray (RSA) 6.50
9 - Ramzi Boukhiam (MAR) 6.37
10 - Jake Marshall (USA) 6.33
11 - Ryan Callinan (AUS) 6.17
12 - Kauli Vaast (FRA) 5.77
13 - Cole Houshmand (USA) 5.57
14 - Ian Gentil (HAW) 5.40
15 - Ian Gouveia (BRA) 5.33
16 - Alejo Muniz (BRA) 5.23
17 - Joao Chianca (BRA) 5.03
18 - Edgard Groggia (BRA) 5.00
19 - Barron Mamiya (HAW) 4.93
20 - Bronson Meydi (INA) 4.87
21 - Alan Cleland (MEX) 4.83
22 - Seth Moniz (HAW) 4.70
23 - Imaikalani deVault (HAW) 4.60
24 - Marco Mignot (FRA) 4.43
Comments
Excellent and very apt takedown Steve.
agree @tiger, awesome wrap. hard to call it a takedown when it is just a fair appraisal of what we all witnessed. the only thing I saw that impressed me was seeing a 6'2" sth african, with the most talked about free-surf reel of the day, stuffing himself deep in a man-made 'lilliputian' barrel in the middle of the desert at 37 years of age. And ignoring Turpel's awkward echoing loudspeaker questions from on-high mid-heat to stay focussed. Give that man a fucking world title. Great words, Steve Shearer.
Hear hear!
How Stark is it to see all of the Hawaiians in bottom 10 (14-24) after the elimination round. Would be hard for them to drink the Koolade after scoring at least 1 day of excellent competition surf at Pipe. I couldn’t imagine the internal conflict Barron is grappling with after winning last week.
Even the comments section on SN coverage was miserable! Keep fighting the good fight Steve
I saw that correlation as well. Hawaii/Indo/mex all down the bottom, grew up surfing big glassy groundswell waves
Beautiful, Steve.
It was dismal.
"A strictly industrial process producing a bland sausage that no-one asked for and no-one wanted to eat".
Thanks Steve, you've done it again;)
Spicy takedown without resorting to hyperbole. I've spent way too much time in the UAE and it fucking sucks but feel free to make your own mind up with a layover there.
I didn't watch even the highlights but the photos of the waves look a bit choppy?!
I'm surprised more don't ride epoxy boards when it's clean, quads when it's gutless and an epoxy/carbon quad when it's both. Toledo is the fastest surfer made faster with a quad, I'm surprised more don't follow him down that route. Do they stick with poly boards cause they get them new and lightly glassed so often?
I'm back on an epoxy after a couple of years off and they're so much more... electric it's crazy! Just make sure the conditions are super clean or they'll find every bump on a wave and let you know about it!
I've been on quads for about 20 years again after having one as one of my first boards in the mid 80s
been on eps foam for about 4 years stringer less of course.
Watched 10 minutes to try and get some interest. Too REPETITIOUS too BORING
Went and mowed my lawn ( hate job ) much more interesting.
Same...I thought "I should give this a go..."
Was so mind numbingly bored, I had to fast forward heats and then found myself scouring the footage for the toledo hits the cameraman scene - as that was the most interesting thing that happened....
I thought the whole thing was about pushing limits due to the predictable nature of the wave. What I saw was pros surfing safely and boringly in order to win the comp.
But it's great that the trickle down effect occurs and all those "new to surfing" punters with no money were clambering at the gates to get some waves. Well done surfing!!
Loved the wright up thanks for the honest appraisal Steve. The only place on the web you get an honest representation of what the general public really see and think.
Why have the first barrel section? From the camera angle provided, very few disappearead from sight and left no alternative but to squat on their board for100m. A ramp section would at least add risk/reward to the equation.
Fuck, I hope the WSL read this.
Hi Nick, let's see?
?si=mg7hQDmMYO83MZtQI think it's wrong that Tyler has to be the poster girl for gender wars and the WSL and athletes should throw their arms around to support her and go all out Katy Perry at the after party.
It really took some work to take the worst event on tour and make it…..well…..even worse but the hard working folk at the WSL have pulled it off.
So you’re excited for tonight then?
Spot on Steve. Absolute snooze fest. And to think the waves they were surfing at Sunset this time last year. WSL shooting themselves in the foot again
Well, that was just savage.
was it though?
Ha, true, all fully deserved.
Also, find it super interesting that there are NO flags on the jersey shoulders and Tyler's pre-comp statement... She's lost A LOT of credibility with me.
I don't even have to write my own comment. I can just steal from Steve Shearer's gimlet-eyed and adamantine-hard appraisal of this abomination.
"It was the contest absolutely no-one wanted back on tour."
"About the only thing it has in common with true engineering marvels is that it was built with bonded labour."
"Golf claps from coaches and Joe Turpel's syrupy nothingness echoing around the facility were a bizarre substitute for any kind of normal human reaction."
"It was like a dark matter doppelganger of a professional sporting event."
"A strictly industrial process producing a bland sausage that no-one asked for and no-one wanted to eat."
"But this isn't about surfing now, or even running an interesting event."
"this event is destined to sink to the bottom as an embarrassing episode for surfing."
"Money hides a multitude of sins but it can’t erase the shame this debacle is bringing to the sport."
Does it mean there's something wrong with me if I find myself actually looking forward to this nightmare "be-careful-what-you-wish-for" thing, so I can immerse myself in Steve's razor-sharp wordsmithing?
If so, then I'm fine with it. The Money has just about completely taken over. Has just about subsumed everything and everyone into its Dark Service. But not quite. Not quite every last person. Not yet.
So many great little phrases accurately illustrating what a grubby venture this is on pretty much all levels.
I tend to think that Steve is at his best when he can really get his teeth into something that rubs him up the wrong way.
Concur. Wholeheartedly, in fact.
Anger and outrage can, when operated in a tightly-controlled way by competent individuals (of which Steve is way more than merely "competent"), be converted into one of the best sources for creative energy that exists in all the world.
Getting in touch with your inner H. L. Mencken can, upon occasion, work wonders, and whenever Steve starts hitting those notes, I start paying verrry close attention to them.
I used to laugh my head off reading some of Steve's more motivated writings.
This excerpt below from nearly 15 years ago was a highlight and of course it's funny 'cos it's true.
The second half of the last sentence is worth the price of admission alone.
Actually I'm still laughing.
"I confess a deep and visceral loathing for what the Gold Coast has become. It is a soulless, desperate place covered over with a patchwork of cookie-cutter, middle class, legoland slums populated by carpetbaggers, hucksters, slumlords and real estate agents, heroin addicts turned born again Jesus freaks, scumbags, gimlet-eyed washed-up drunks, has-beens and never-weres, net porn addicts with bad B.O, leather-skinned whores walking into grim Soviet-style whorehouses, hock shops full of stolen goods, used car salesmen, deluded dreamers hawking some snake oil or other, obscenely wealthy plastic surgeons and lawyers who charge by the hour with epoxy SUP's on gleaming new BMW X 5's (baby seal white or jaguar black) and every other kind of stooge and dreg of human society.
The Gold Coast is proof positive that evolution does not always work in one direction, sometimes there is regression. In this case on a grand scale. The skyline is dotted with ugly high-rises whose lower floors contain retail stores flogging the worst kind of asian made junk and useless trinkets, as well as low rent supermarkets where several generations of semi-literate morbidly obese bogan families wallow in the aisles, blood flowing like turgid rivers through sclerotic arteries jammed with cheap margarine and other trans-fatty refuse."
Gah!
Bear in mind, please, that I'm a know-nothing Seppo, who has never come within 4 time-zones of the place, but disregarding any of that, my only take on what you just quoted is:
Oh FUCK yeah!
It echoes frighteningly with things over on this side of the world, that I do in fact know a little something about.
That I wish I didn't.
holy fuck! what an absorbingly poetic acerbic/visceral tirade, thanks for reposting (baby seal white, haha).
But wait, there's more.
"What's that shipmates? You think I'm being too kind? I assure you the place is a monument to greed, short-sightedness, vapidity, vanity of every stripe and flavour, narrow fanaticism, monumental ignorance, idiocy, drunken and meaningless violence, local thuggery and faux spiritualism wearing the cloak of commerce; a vast, jumbled consumer wasteland created by pre-human or sub-human monsters in a delirium of greed. It is the very essence of the fake, the shallow, the meaningless and artificial. Even the very sand that lines the pointbreaks has been mechanically pumped over by great belching machines."
That piece must have inspired the “shit towns of Australia” page.
Well quoted Andy and Maclaren, this was one of FR’s best takedowns in ages. And it’s the takedowns which stand out.
Classic Aussie writing to be honest. Littered at will with caustic phrases. Transcends surfing really.
Hats off Steve.
PS In my memory the most controversial period I think was when The Outsider (FR’s pseudonym at the time) went through a particularly visceral Kelly critiquing phase but I think that has been washed from the record books! Traces remain of course in the regular summations of the GOAT’s peculiarities.
Hahaha go Steve
I tell you what really grinds my gears
"Pissant investors"
They buy companies like I used to by antfarms, lose interest and leave them to die
Thanks Steve. So sorry you had to sit through all that.
This is exactly how I felt. I hope they paid you extra.
Great write up of what has to be the most boring contest of all time.
Where are the surfer interviews? What’s with the 30 minute breaks with shitty music. Surely they can use that time to interview surfers, behind the scenes look etc.
What a shambles this is. So sad. RIP WSL
Watched one wave then turned it off.
The WSL is a joke.
I think surfing at this venue is a bit like sex.
More fun to do than to watch.
cut to JJF standing on a beach smiling into the sunrise. arm reaches behind, zips up wetty. camera pulls back as he tucks board under arm and lopes towards the sea. drone shot pulls back to reveal an azure ocean with corduroy corrugations to the horizon. fade to black.
John knew what he was doing alright. Abu not Sunset? No me then.
Suck it wozzle, cash-cow goat 2.0 slipping away...
Meanwhile, at that other sportswashing event- https://x.com/livgolf_league/status/1890233200284430630?ref_src=twsrc%5E...
Money talks and bullshit walks, as they say. That was bullshit doing the John Cleese silly walk. My teenage son is an archetypal frothing grom and he loves watching the best surfers in the world, no matter what...he lasted one heat and went back to JJF clips. He won't be back either. So who the hell is watching?
I’ve barely watched any wozzle over the last season or two, but found myself at a loose end on a Friday night and decided to give it a go. I saw the tail end of Rio surfing nicely on the left, when all of a sudden there was Kaipo doing a live ad read for Fucking Corona. Spew. Since when has the advertising become this bad? It was a bitter cherry on top of an already disgusting cocktail of greed and apathy. No thanks.
Kaipo is Zoolander. Completely vacuous.
Agreed, I think he’s even worse than Cardinal Turpell and that’s an extremely low bar. At least Joe can string a coherent sentence together. Kaipo is a living, breathing, talking vacuum.
This comp has to be the low-point in the history of professional surfing, if only for the highs that preceded it. Does anyone know how meaningful is the funding that comes in for this prostitution of the sport? I can only hope it funds a lot of the other comps, otherwise the WSL needs a pool-side lesson in sunk cost.
The heat format is the least of their worries, but the man-on-man format with one-left and one-right itself screams for conservatism, ie, basically you-fall-you're-gone.
Someone should have paddled out on a board with a Bailey ladder, took off the erected and stood on the ladder whilst surfing !
The most exciting and entertaining thing about this event is Steve's rehash of the days play.
This tub wave plus the modern day commentators over analysis of how a wave is ridden by a particular surfer is blow your brains out boredom. It's horrible and onshore here at home, I watched two waves in the Tub, I got so bored went outside to garden and then watched 'Raiders of the Lost Ark'.
Lowest viewing numbers for a comp in wsl history?
Maybe they should cut off the heat losers hand to make it a bit more exciting. Or have a public execution in between heats.
"The desert gets watered with pro surfer tears." Bahhahahaha! Brilliant!
Soulless. Could hardly make it through watching a single heat!
The crumbly lip line just killed any potential for excitement! Along with "safe surfing"!
I’ve spoken to at least 30 people ( all surf nuts) young and old no one has said a positive thing about this event..with most reflecting back to pipe straight away..waste of time and money
I think I saw 2.5 waves.
Steve, in what is likely the worst iteration of professional surfing since its inception, I’d argue your truth telling and savage description of this abomination is up there with one of your best. You could stop there - I honestly didnt bother reading who won or didn’t, I doubt anyone will bother.
WSL is cooked.
watched 1 wave of yago"s on replay
that was enough
the word dogshit comes to mind repeatedly
This is where I went wrong..
Watched about 2 hrs of day 3 of pipe pro on keyo. Eventually tuned into the comp out of half-interest... see what the wave was like..
Honestly could only watch 4 waves... underwhelming to the extreme..
I genuinely hope Tyler wins this and on the podium gives the Woz a massive spray. In fact I hope a surfer who is well off enough to forego prize money to a fine wins and just crucifies this sham.
Has there been any mention of Tyler or from Tyler? The immediate family were pretty vocal earlier in the year.
Bunch of blowhards.
She released a joint statement with the WSL which was a total cop out:
“I’ve been working with the appropriate teams in the UAE as well as the WSL and am assured that I will be competing in a welcoming and safe environment.
Competing around the world has been my job for a long time. Over the years, I’ve seen the impact of the women’s tour and programs like WSL Rising Tides and how they have inspired a generation of women and many to come.
Yesterday, I had the privilege of sharing the love of surfing with the WSL Rising Tides girls who had never surfed before. The abundant collective joy in that session was truly memorable.
Sport has a beautiful and powerful way of fostering connection, community and representation. “If you can see it, you can be it.” That’s something that has remained important to me throughout my career.”
She has lost ALL credibility with me now.
So flacid, so trite, so easily bought off and brought to heel.
revealing a veiled response.
Haha that statement says so many words without actually saying anything, not least addressing the fact that if she wins and give her partner a kiss in public to celebrate, she’s going to jail.
Way to go Tyler, really $tanding up for what you believe in
Tom Caroll boycott in South Africa for apartheid comes to mind.
Tyler doesn't like Abu Dhabi because of their strict religious beliefs yet will happy surf in Indonesia (not bali) where they have the same beliefs. You can't make this stuff up
Taking professional surfing back wards ! How have the wsl not read the the room in terms of target audience and what makes exciting viewing.
The walls of the room are tiled with UAE black gold.
JV on the way to banking some more points, decent start, good on him!!
Is this comp the death knell? Might just be.
Headline photo looks suspiciously like goat boating.
Enjoyed the brutal takedown, Steve. Drill baby drill! to collective facepalm.
Anyway:
"The Giza Pyramid complex is an engineering marvel."
Any of you who work on tools should find this absolutely mind blowing and fascinating:
https://gizapower.com/gizeh/articles/advanced-machining-in-ancient-egypt/
Tools leave marks - officially this is roughly 4600 years ago, likely much older.
So....you didn't like it Steve?
Seems to me the very things which make comps at genuine surf breaks complex to manage and therefore expensive - unpredictable swells, unpredictable wind, unpredictable locals, unpredictable time frames, unpredictable tactics, unpredictable sand placement, unpredictable wildlife, unpredictable spectators - are the very things which, in their absence, make the tub so bland and unpalatable.
Perhaps we relish perfection not because its perfect, but because its so damn improbable.
"The Abu Dhabi Tub is a rectangular ditch carved out by modern earth moving machinery with a train track running through it.
About the only thing it has in common with true engineering marvels is that it was built with bonded labour."
Jeez you write good Free.
I got about 0.5 waves less than Solitutde in watching and I'm off this week with nothing to do.
I can't be too critical of Tyler- can't be easy for her to act one way and perform in another. Probs a bit of internal conflict rumbling around in there.
G’day zen. The comment by rjdavey above made me think of what I believe is a Japanese term, think I learned it from the brilliant Netflix series “Man in the High Castle” (mesmerising). The term was wabisabi, (please feel free to correct me), which referred to the practice of leaving a tiny imperfection (in art, textiles etc), thus highlighting the perfection ( also an allegory of impermanence, transience and incompleteness of anything human made).
Don’t know why that came up, it’s a term that has played on my mind intermittently for years now. I have grown to love it, the whole concept. Useful to me as I’m painting my whole house, conscious that perfection is an unachievable goal.
As for this schlock, it’s the tiny perfection in gross imperfection.
Hope you’re doing well, and enjoying whatever the fuck you are up to.
Hey man, hisashiburi as they say.
We're great- kicking back after a break. My wife is watching Border Security, the Aussie one, she loves it.
I never really was aware of wabisabi until it kinda entered the vernacular over the last few years. I asked my wife what it means to her. Predictably she said it's a Japanese thing. Basically she said it's a feeling, kinda the importance of the empty space, asymmetry. Not only in art but in buildings, gardens, anything really. The beauty in nothing is permanent.
My wife showed me this as a basic example- what you can't see in the picture of the tree is of equal importance to what you can see, as well as the empty panel which carries equal weight. But it's not so much the picture but more the feeling.
Sorry, she can't explain it well to me in english and even harder for me to articulate it. Another example she showed me trying to explain- a round window next to a rectanglular door- the window acts as a painting and constantly changes with the seasons.
Rambling sorry, but happy you asked.
Hope life is treating you kindly too.
https://www.g-ueda.com/?pid=120136543
One of your best Steve.
If we have to have a pool at least make it shorter so they can have a good crack at something big / new / exciting.
Thanks Freeride, a note perfect summation. I watched about 30 minutes and found it deeply depressing. It was all in the body language of the surfers and the stark and empty venue. As you aptly say, dreadful and embarrassing...
I'd say so, Zen.
I've been very vocal in my disenchantment with Tyler, but I do have some sympathy for her current situation.
Being so subjective it's rare everyone in surfing agrees on something.
Thanks for the universal bringing together of opinion Woz.
We all agree the tub is the most woeful bag of shit ever produced - Bravo!!
An eloquent and rapacious as ever summary Mr FR!!
Piling on Tyler for a lack of statement is over the top - she should have however boycotted the event on principle. If we retrospect to Tom Carroll and apartheid we see an appropriately principled action.
The principles reside in the comments section, not in real life
i usually try to see the good things about the wsl…..struggling big time in this instance
Turpel "The progression is so amazing. So progressive. The only thing missing from this event is the GOAT. At Pipe, I said I hoped the GOAT stayed on tour until he was 70. Now I realize how far off the mark I was. I should have said 90. Long live the GOAT."
The corporate bot begins to glitch.
"GOAT.
TOAG.
AGOT.
So much progression...
TOAG.
I cried...
GOAT.
Chicken skin...
OTAG.
Incredible progression.
The GOAT is dead...
Long live the GOAT...
G....
O
A
T....
FR tell me you didn't watch the whole 8hrs of it.........going to need therapy mate and a lot of it......
Went to Angas the day before as a palate cleanser- will probs do the same on the other side to restore sanity.
teleport me !
Thanks for the write up. I won’t be watching the live feed - don’t want to add to numbers woz will take as support for this event. It needs something else to create interest. Inflatable obstacles, competitors allowed to throw tennis balls or beer cans during rides. Very dull ATM
I sent the woz a suggestion of growing razor-sharp barnacles at the end of the line..
even sent them designs for a mechanism to raise and lower the floor slowly over a 12 hour period.
Oh jeezus, I cannot resist.
Rejig the machine so as the shoulder slopes off a lot quicker from the breaking part of the wave, keeping people from getting too far away from the breaking portion of the wave. Tighten it up. Reduce the clean face of the wave to a minimum. Surfboards can be no longer than 6 feet, zero inches.
Surfers are paired, two per wave. Random draw for initial pairings. All-fair takeoff with coin toss determining who's in front, and who's in back, with a bell that rings, once both surfers are up on their feet and stable, not in contact with each other.
When the bell rings, the surfers are immediately allowed to use their bare hands, or their PUGIL STICKS on each other any way they want to. Whoever knocks the other person off, or pushes the other person far enough into the whitewater to prevent them from making the wave, while also still being able to make the wave themselves, wins the wave, and gets a score. 3 seconds is given to either escape the whitewater and get back out on to the clean unbroken face of the wave, or rejoin physical contact with the opposing surfer. If both surfers fall off together, or are pushed back into the whitewater together, and cannot make the wave, or rejoin physical contact, no score is given. Knockoffs score double what pushbacks score. Pushback scores 1, knockoff scores 2.
Alternating lefts and rights, again, with a coin toss determining the initial direction, after which the direction alternates left-right-left-etc. First person to reach or exceed a score of 5, moves on in the elimination, and the other person is out of the contest.
So ok.
So let's give 'em a show.
We're in the tub, and we're already no longer interested in any kind of proper surfing, so the hell with it. Make a fight out of it, instead.
And if pugil sticks aren't enough, what the hell, give 'em KNIVES.
Make it COUNT.
It's what the public wants to see, right?
Think of the MONEY to be made.
It's all about the money, right?
Of course it is.
I refuse to / cannot watch one second of this ....EVENT ???.Is that what it is called?
OK I'm getting to watch a bit of it now, contrasting with the North Scarborough and South Trigg cams.
Devil's advocate time: the comp actually looks really good, with a wave that you can turn on, set up for tubes, cut back - it looks really, really good.
Enjoyable read in that everything you have written Steve, is true. But I am probably the only person who will go on record as enjoying the drama of this contest. Yes the wave is worse than Lemoore, yes, it's repetitive, but I enjoyed the intense pressure, of watching the surfers having to perform on demand. It's just a different format and I think it has some kind of place. To the non surfer, Pro surfing is pretty boring. The the surfers go up and down on wave and the surfers that catch the best waves win, it's hardly ever the best surfers who win. Yet for me, I could see clear flaws in technique in the pool, and the best surfers (with great front-hand and back-hand techniques) advanced. It was cut throat. I probably come at this whole experience from a different lens, I have had little to no interest or investment in Professional surfing for the last 20odd years (I am 60 now) but my daughter started contest surfing recently so it's a watchable activity we now enjoy together. She recently got an invite to a Wavepool event, so she got to experience that pressure herself, so I guess my interest is how do the top surfers overcome that mental pressure. In fact we are watching the tub right now. Sorry for the positivity.
Hahaha, no apology needed mate.
I disagree with "it's hardly ever the best surfers who win", I think pro surfing shows mostly the best surfers do win.
They mostly get the right people through to the Finals.
At your scathing best Steve with your most brilliant write up. Well done. But...now that you have stated the obvious big picture truth with such a devastating takedown, and so eloquently to the satisfaction and agreement of an entire readership, I am wondering how you will write your next two reports? My comments here are not in defence of the tub or Abu Dhabi's petrol state. I assume though that you won't be riding a donkey or walking to Angourie for your next surf? In other words, we are all somewhat hypocritical, in that we need and consume petrol, diesel or jet fuel to go surfing, let alone in our daily lives with electricity for heating, refrigeration etc. Even the boards we treasure and ride are by products of this industry. Yet I notice there are no comments about all that... Anyway, that said, I suppose I was one of very few on-line spectators who actually enjoyed watching the pros deal with the pressure that the tub and its format provides. Judges and spectators can really scrutinize each run to better differentiate every turn. There are multiple ways to ride these waves, and for the pros to show us their creativity, different styles and how they can compete, rise or fail when the pressure is really on. I also think tubs like this are a good format and venue for Olympic Games surfing. Of course nothing beats the unpredictability and the beauty of Mother Nature and our oceans. We all know this. But if the tub is here to stay, well, an ill wind always blows somebody some good. I look forward to reading your next report. In the meantime I will enjoy watching this event and see if anyone can beat the obvious favourites. There will be some exciting moments and surfing in watching this. Cheers.
Very true mate, and I do have those thoughts.
I believe you do. We have to laugh though, how ironic it is, in terms of pro surfing, that the tub is mostly for purists only.
is it possible we get a day 2 review by DANDOBBIN. i dont think its possible for you too trump your day 1 writeup. but i have faith in DANDOBBIN.
That was so well written and accurate.
Watching the knocked competitors, especially those from heavy water backgrounds, approach the bicycle deck knowing their Abu adventure was over was the most interesting,
Wsl cameras pointed right in their Christopher Skase, ("cmon, cmon punch something!") with them fully knowing the repercussions of a Tub directed outburst. Somehow holding themselves together. No board snaps, no tanties. It was a similar feeling willing them to slap a camera to landing a Jesus air off the endbowl. Slap more anticipated and appreciated.
Would have loved to see Bobby compete here.
Love a good roasting and this was definitely that!! Carbon capture is a joke
Definition of WSL progression...
1985 - ASP runs a boring wave pool, onshore slop contest at Wildwater Kingdom.
2025 - WSL runs a boring wave pool, onshore slop contest at Abu Dhabi.
Tuned in a few times over the day just to see if pool surfing was as boring as I remembered. It was even worse. Article is spot on.
Bring on whatever stop is next...
With pipeline i couldn't take my eyeballs off the tv, but with the boring oil barrels what shithouse it is. Great write up Steve 100%
An excellent summation. The Saudi's sportswashing definitely exposes who has no moral compass in the corporate space (looking at you UFC). The level of interest is at an all time low. I just saw the "LIVE" click bait on Youtube showing it's currently got 9k viewers. The "colonoscopy" level of wordwide interest. Like Tyler Wright, it seems to be - take the cash and find a justification for having done so later. Like bands who played Sun City during the apartheid era, then claimed that they "did it for the fans". Only in this case, there aren't any.
I've spent triple the amount of time reading this article and comments as i did on that shitshow last night.
Throw a couple of white pointers in the tub along with the WSL CEO's that made this shit show happen and i might watch.
Great writing FR. Very entertaining comments above by all.
By the way, if the WSL does happen to be reading this.
YOU SELL OUT KOOKS!!!
EVERYBODY HATES YOU!!!!!!
I didn’t mind it. Had nothing to do. Had a couple of special brownies, pumped some 90’s punk rock and had a great afternoon. I think there’s absolutely no reason for a barrel section at all let alone 2. Just vary the speed of the wave a bit more so we can see a full roundhouse, a ramp section, a really fast part so they can gain a shit
ton of speed and then a big carve section or something. This is not a barrel scoring event.
Pipe is. This isn’t.
Just watched Gabby Bryan surf. She did some great turns. Better than Lemore I reckon though
Forget the comp, there’s shit to learn comparing their technique. For those interested in nuance.
@nouseforaname and @haz, you both work for the Woz??
Yeah special ops ... anywho, The Big Lebowski's on!
hahaha good onya @haz.
Freeride you deserve an all expenses paid trip to G-Land and a Yeti cooler for that write up. Tub-slayer!
A short story from from my parents bookshelf in the mid-1960s called the Ninth Wave is etched into my brain. It was about a futuristic surfing comp with competitors strapped into their boards zapping around like todays powered foilers. One dude paddled out on a beat up gun. When that 9th wave came it wiped everyone out except the real surfer.
Sounds like an interesting book - https://amzn.asia/d/5u7CwKg
Magic Shears! This will be hard to top. There’s some comedy gold in the live feed when Fil lined up the cameraman from about a 100m out and tried to decapitate him
In the words of MMMMOOOOORRRTTTAAALLL KKKKOOOOMMMMMBBBBAAAT
‘FINISH HIM!’
The interest & bloodsport we all wanted?
toasty...!
Now the drama is getting watered down.
Disappointing.
'sbyootiful.. *sniff*
When I saw the photographer the first time I thought it was the French tennis player Henri Leconte trying to spice up some drama.
You nailed it Steve. The whole shit show is crap.
A total desert ambiguity, hypocrisies gone mad run by people who are so rich, but then place themselves on the Climate Change lobby to polish their turds.
The flagrant abuse of labour and pay rates, usually dished out to workers mostly from Bangladesh, Afghanistan, India, Sri Lanka and other heavily populated Asian countries.
I know Australian contractors who’ve worked in Abu Dahbi, I’ve been told some of the aforementioned workers are being paid $1USD per hour in temperatures close to 50c.
We all know nothing will be done about this, too many players with their fingers in the fossil fuel pie. Disgusting. AW
The whole thing is boring as batshit..
Time for the WSL to forget this tepid attempt at “arena” surfing..
Let’s see more surfing in waves of consequence.
Going from Pipe to this desert non-event is just so disappointing.
Steve, your hitting as hard as Italo. That rest did wonders.
Wrap a sausage in white bread and they will come?
The kiddy pool needs spicy sauce & salad to live.
eg. World music, vibrant colour, copious waves and editing into a 1 hour show.
or is this show self sabotage...
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sabotage
Zappa was reportedly so astounded by its ( Bobby Brown song) success that he wanted CBS to hire an anthropologist to study why the song became such a big hit.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sheik_Yerbouti
As always, Steve.
Across all facets, you absolutely nailed it.
This whole thing is putrid.
"Drama is life, with the dull bits cut out..."
Brutal.and true...
Nothing to add that has not already been said....
You are a talented scribe Sir.
See? Karma actually is a thing. Sports-washing petrocracy tries to distract from shameful human rights record by fellating the WSL & wiping up the mess with $100 bills. Fails miserably. “Forget about how we treat women, LGBTQI athletes & slave labour - have a squiz at the world’s best surfers being bored senseless on our dogshit mushburger instead!”. “What do you mean, you can’t see it because of the sandstorm? Renato? Renato?..”.
Historically, the Arab states were at one time the centre of knowledge in the world.
eg. Astronomy, algebra, algorithms & mapping
Al-Khwārizmī accomplished most of his work between 813 and 833. After the Muslim conquest of Persia, Baghdad had become the centre of scientific studies and trade. Around 820 CE, he was appointed as the astronomer and head of the library of the House of Wisdom.
Al-Khwārizmī's contributions to mathematics, geography, astronomy, and cartography established the basis for innovation in algebra and trigonometry. His systematic approach to solving linear and quadratic equations led to algebra, a word derived from the title of his book on the subject, Al-Jabr
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Al-Khwarizmi
“Power tends to corrupt and absolute power corrupts absolutely. "
“Liberty consists in the division of power. Absolutism, in concentration of power.”
Reference https://www.acton.org/research/lord-acton-quote-archive
Glad you mentioned that algebra comes from Al Jabr.
Yes, the Middle East was the epicentre of human advanced thought for centuries. The greatest library that ever existed was there in Constantinople.
Don’t look now, a certain world leader may be taking us back to serfdom and the feudal ages. And we mugs can’t line up quickly enough to get behind him. Who’s the dummy?
Nothing odd about surfing im a country known for its inhumanity, turdell and co being their usuall dickwad selfs, cringe cringe wat the fk happened to the once great lifestyle of surfing for pleasure..
Ha ha. Wonderful, Steve.
But as someone who thinks he can write, (I can), this would have just had Steve salivating at the keyboard. So much to write about, so little time.
I shan’t be watching this abomination. Just too busy, plus it’s the antithesis of what draws me to competitive surfing.
Having said that, surely ‘competitive surfing’ is its own non-sequitur.