Surfing With a Family, Job and Responsibilities.

Why once the grommet came along are there surfing droughts lasting months on end........best place in the world for the wife and grom is on the beach,surely you can manage at least 2 family beach outings a week?

Not sure on your circumstances mate but one thing that kept me sane was short but regular surfs. If you've only got half an hour free, take it and catch one or two.
Better that than waiting weeks or months so you can surf for a couple of hours.
And don't be scared to ride a bigger board if the fitness is down, better to go out and have fun.
Things change, kids go to school, fitness comes back.
Try and support your missus, what goes around comes around.

FR, perfect answer.

Yep, it's solid advice and I'll vouch for it. FR said the same to me after we had twins and it worked. Consider the next 12-24 months a maintenance period: your surfing wont be peaking but you've gotta keep on top of it by squeezing in short go outs whenever possible. Do whatever you can, in any conditions present, on whatever board that works.

Though it's hard to imagine it right now, normality will return and hopefully you will have maintained your fitness and skillz.

I've done it the opposite way and it seems to work for me. I don't have the luxury of living near the beach so a short 20-30 min sesh is hardly worth the drive.

Instead I go to the gym once or twice a week and work on paddling strength, core strength, and flexibility through my legs and back.

I can swing a 1 hour early surf mid-week if the surf is really really good, but that might happen once a month at best cause I get into work late on those days. so I only go when its cooking.

Then I try to get down to the beach once a weekend whether its wife + kid and a short 1hr surf, or I get up super early and get a wave in and home before the day gets on and still get the weekend with the family. Then in general we assume that for our holiday plans there's always some time for surfing.

I also managed to score a few days in Hawaii on the way to a work conference later this month so i guess my strategy is to just always look for an opportunity and take it to get your barrel quota up!

Hey Peninsula Surfer , most of us go through this as we "grow up".All previous comments are spot on.I nearly lost my mind and had some dark times with all this "growing up" phase, had our first daughter at 41 yrs old. . . .
A key point to mention is your wifes happiness. FR mentioned it and it is key to your new situation. We have no parents/family to call on for a break , I stay home and let the wife go out to "mums dinners" , go gym etc etc. Support her dude , it will pay off.

But best of all is after dinking my 6 yr old daughter at The Pass on some 2-3 foot peelers ,we were driving back to our accomodation my daughter asks me..."Dad , see that man on that poster" , looking right is a Billabong shot of Mick Fanning buried in a glorious tube somewhere , she asks "is he in the barrel ?" and then quips..."Dad , surfing is the best!". I nearly freaking cried.

Hang in there Peninsula , the best times are coming , and maybe a chance for you to give back.

And here's me having an existential crisis about not getting good waves for a while and I don't have any kids! Thanks for putting it in perspective.

MyMy wife of 36 years hated me going surfing. Ps he put up with it till her mid twenties then would not bring our then 3 kids to the beach. After 5 kids now all grown up and with their own families we have since moved on. She divorced me after 36 years. I catered for her by going for early Surfs once or twice a month. She just hated that in her mind I did not grow up. Pennissular, sounds to me you are still quite young but 2atch for the warning signs of a once happy wife at the beach turning in into a menopausal nutcase. Cost me big time both legally and personally. Now divorced and retired I am enjoying every chance I get to surf. Only Sea Ulcer now are keeping me from my favourite playground being the ocean. Enjoy your kids whilst you can. Lives change as I found out. Now nearly 60 the ocean is the only faithful friend left.

Hey Peninsula, mate i sympathise with you. It does get hard, but as others have pointed out there is light! My 9 year old daughter is loving surfing ! She gets me in the water on the mini mal ,on junky small days.
Support your wife, is first and foremost, mums don't get enough credit for what they do. Sometimes work is a holiday compared to dealing with the 3 muppets.
I have little bit of advice for you: find a baby sitter who loves going to the beach. Take the baby sitter , the munchkin and your boards to the beach. You get wet, the grommet is looked after and the wife gets some valuable time to herself ,for relaxing or even better send her shopping. Win Win .
Get boards with volume i.e something that is more suited to the growing girth and lack of fitness. It just brings back the joy and fun of surfing.Hang in there man.

Great call about the baby sitter brainiac. Another option is Surfing Mum's groups. There is likely one in your area. They are probably open to having a guy join the group, especially if your wife is happy to come along from time to time as well. The mum's in these groups tend to be active and pretty easy going and are another way for your wife to meet other good mothers. The basic concept of the group is that the members share baby sitting duties while the others surf.

Great idea re: baby sitter who likes the beach. Never thought of that! 

Yeah , pre requisite of the baby sitter would be that she'd have to have a good rig ....... And stacked ....
Wifey would love it !!

I Bank browny points by going all out around the house when it's flat or book her in for a pedi and mind the grommets, pays off when a swell hits, and if it's a work day take the sicky, mental health is important.

Some great suggestions on here. I'm in the same boat here with a couple of little ones. I guess when you're single surfing can be such a selfish (if that's the right word?) pursuit. Things change with jobs / family etc. I've become content with less however. I still try to surf a few times / week pending but am completely wrapped with an uncrowded 2 foot beachie session now days.

My tips:
Surf as local as possible
Get out there in arvos (maybe kids sleeping)……or do super dawns
Short surfs

I reckon I'm a much better Dad / person when I've had that surf in the morning. Makes me more tolerant of the challenges ahead that day :)

Some good tips and perspectives in the above posts - I've got a 16 month little girl at home and live an hour away from the coast so I can sympathise where you're coming from - I've found that for me to keep surfing once every week or two , firstly a understanding wife helps - & in saying this getting her to understand how important surfing is to me has helped in terms of her understanding that I'm probably going to be a better partner/dad when I've released some stress in the water has helped. Secondly, I've found locking in a time to go surfing early can help - I usually say a week out I'm planning to go surfing on this day & at this time etc. and irrespective of the conditions just go - even if it's shit & I'm sitting in a cold lonely carpark at 5am watching a gale force onshore windswell I'll still surf & come home and feel good (as any surf is a good one in my books). but giving the partner a bit of a heads up at least allows her to perhaps plan to do something else on the day and take some of the stress away from yourself. Either way, I've found kids make it much harder to surf but I reckon if you work hard enough at it you should get a few more in (every few months sounds heartbreaking!). Oh, and make sure every single holiday is near the coast - Reckon your missus at least owes you that one for being such a dedicated family man!

simplefinsinlife wrote:

The basic concept of the group is that the members share baby sitting duties while the others surf.

If you've got mates that are in the same situation and similar aged kids then you can always go down and trade sessions with babysitting on the beach every 20 minutes... Gives the mums the morning off too!

yeah, thats what I did with my mate who's got a similar age kid. We'd swap laps of the Point while one kept eye on the kids playing under the pandanus palms.
Good memories for all.

Good reading...the missus is 8 1/2 months...currently totally cool with me in the water as much as I want...even tells me to piss off and surf when she's sick of me. Be interesting to see the changes when the bub arrives...so excited...what a magic time of your life it is :-)

Just wanna throw out there, in here, the reality that many new dad's experience postnatal depression. Not saying that's what's hit the OP, but for the sake of throwing an elephant in the room, thought it worth a mention.

Here's a link if you suspect you, or anyone you know, may be experiencing something along those lines.

http://www.howisdadgoing.org.au/how-are-you-going/pnd-and-dads/76-dads-m...

From that link:

Contributing factors

The factors that affect men can be very similar to those affecting women, such as:

• Lack of social and emotional support
• Personality characteristics (perfectionist or controlling)
• Stress and changes in relationships (particularly the couple relationship)
• Lack of sleep
• Unresolved issues of grief and loss
• Difficulty adjusting to the changes of parenthood
• Unmet expectations of fatherhood and himself
• Negative or traumatic birth experience - the way in which men experience childbirth may have some influence on their subsequent emotional well-being

And this:

Factors that generally seem to relate to the man’s experience:

• The impact of changing social roles for fathers in the family
• Norms and attitudes toward fatherhood and masculinity – men are less likely to talk about how they feel and maintaining that they are coping is very important
• Change in family dynamics so that some men may feel excluded from the parenting role or from the relationship with their partner. This may result in resentment towards the baby.
• Worries about extra responsibilities, financial burdens and managing the stresses of work.
• Unmet expectations for the resumption of the sexual relationship in the early postnatal period
• Pregnancy, particularly early on, appears to be the most stressful period for men in the transition to fatherhood. This may be due to changes to his partner’s body, how supported and included he feels, concern about the pending changes to his life and feeling unsure about his role in caring for his partner.
• Partner experiencing postnatal depression. Studies have shown that maternal and paternal depression are highly correlated (Ramchandani et al, 2005; Meighan et al, 1999). The extra pressures of managing a new baby, an unwell partner, additional household duties and work demands can contribute to fathers developing postnatal depression themselves.

Just saying, it's worth considering boys :)

My 'brownie' points (cashed in for surfing time) came from:

1) The "witching hour" ... you know, that hour or so at the end of the day when the new little grommet has "had enough" of mum, and mum of them. I'd land home from work, grab gidget and a beer and head out to the deck (my missus, would toddle off for a shower and some peace to herself while I enjoyed some time with my gidget) ... gidget would settle in my arms looking at the stars, trees moving, just hanging with dad, and I'd have a nice quiet beer unwinding from the day :)

2) The early wake, coffee shop run ... always up for the dawnie, when her mum had a bad night with gidget, I'd grab gidget, throw her in the car and head out for an early brekky and coffee. We'd go for a walk (her in the pram) and check out the shop windows, etc. or do a drive around surf check, etc. to fill in a few hours. I'd land home with my missus stoked with the sleep in and time to herself. I'd usually manage to time this when the surf was really crap, or better later on, so didn't miss too many good dawn sessions either ;)

Arriving home with some freshly baked croissants, or other bakery treat was always a winner too :)

it's heavy.

Both my kids were poor sleepers so it was years of sleep deprivation. That can send you over the edge.

Wingnut... You're a wise owl!

I used to put my two boys in the car and drive to check the sand banks the day before it was going to turn offshore . They would sleep for an hour or so , get a short walk on the beach and the missus get a rest /time to herself . Again you must be resigned to the fact that you won't surf much or if you do you will inadvertently end up single and paying child support .
My best advice is . Make sure your at the best spot on the best day . Memories like that will get you through the years . ( yes this period last's longer than you like ) . I'm only just starting to see light at the end of the tunnel . Kids can almost swim , and the oldest is starting to ride a skateboard alone . Yyyeeeeeeewww

Good post ps some great advice. I've done far less than I thought I would since our 1 year old came along and it's amazing how many times when I take him down to the beach the waves look so much fun then when I get a chance it's flat, uncanny. The tip about going when you can whatever the conditions is very true, I had a window of opportunity and the tiny swell there had been in the morning had gone, flat. Had the mini Mal so just paddled around a bit in a glassy mill pond then one or two ripples started appearing and the heavens opened into monsoon conditions, I ended up staying out a couple of hours just messing around on these little peelers in the rain, did the job. Also make sure when it looks like the stars will align you are good to go, jobs done, gear ready etc.

I have 5 kids, ranging from 2 months to 10yo. Some of the advice here is great, so i will throw my 2 cents in. The way i go about it is a plan a trip every 2 years to the mentawaii's. Like previously stated, its the memories of great sessions that will get you through, and a big trip like that will also keep you excited leading into it. Kids are only young once.... Im already a little bummed that i will never have another baby again and ive had 5 of them, so make the most of being at home when they are young cause you will not get those times back. Try and just pick the eyes out of any surfing you do. Dont bail on the Mrs to surf crap.... being a mum is too tough of a job to do alone. And make sure you stay relatively fit. Go to the park with the kids and do some pull ups or something!

wingnut2443 wrote:

My 'brownie' points (cashed in for surfing time) came from:

1) The "witching hour" ... you know, that hour or so at the end of the day when the new little grommet has "had enough" of mum, and mum of them. I'd land home from work, grab gidget and a beer and head out to the deck (my missus, would toddle off for a shower and some peace to herself while I enjoyed some time with my gidget) ... gidget would settle in my arms looking at the stars, trees moving, just hanging with dad, and I'd have a nice quiet beer unwinding from the day :)

2) The early wake, coffee shop run ... always up for the dawnie, when her mum had a bad night with gidget, I'd grab gidget, throw her in the car and head out for an early brekky and coffee. We'd go for a walk (her in the pram) and check out the shop windows, etc. or do a drive around surf check, etc. to fill in a few hours. I'd land home with my missus stoked with the sleep in and time to herself. I'd usually manage to time this when the surf was really crap, or better later on, so didn't miss too many good dawn sessions either ;)

Arriving home with some freshly baked croissants, or other bakery treat was always a winner too :)

classic.

A mate from work has a very sound hypotheses for the brownie point theory, which puts it all into perspective....

"Don't ever be fooled into thinking that you can get more than one brownie point at a time. You either have one, or you don't. They don't stack up in a pile because if you do something unfavourable they all go at once hahaha. Instead, use your brownie point quickly and wisely when its earnt!"

Peninsula, as a Father of a 4 & 7 yr old, Yeah it can be a struggle, especially so now as they both surf and require supervision, once they are launched and safe at least I can body surf after them before dragging them back out .repeat.
My tips that have worked for me .
1. when you get a chance surf anything,
2. Get a heap of boards for all conditions, a Mal even a clubby board if you can track one down as you can take the kids on it. (Wahu Floatation vests are handy).
3. Take your kids to the ocean instead of parks etc, instill a love of the ocean be it walking the beach around headlands checking out rockpools, at least by the time they are teenagers they will be ocean addicted and your problems will be solved.
4. Kids love the ocean, just playing in it with them can get rid of the no surf blues, Stick em on your back and bodysurf, launch them into waves on boogie boards and treat them like a hand plane.
Getting your kids addicted to the ocean is the key. I have surfed/bodysurfed more shitty waves because of them.

Peninsula it sounds to me you have some very good tips from others in your age range. Rember that the ocean is your stress relief and not necessarily your wife's or your children as they grow older. I did not and paid the ultimate price. Remember that as your wife grows older that some serious hormonal changes kick in. This is the time you need to be on guard of your family relationship and your zest for the ocean. Enjoy your kids whilst they are young enough not to be embarrassed by parents. Set in place responsible boundaries for them and yourself. Last of all woman do go through that change in life. Most of us are Grandparents at that stage but it can destroy you unless you have countered for this change happening some 20 years earlier. I did not. After 36 years I lost the love of my life who icidently was a surfie chicken back in the 70's when we first got together. If I knew what I know now I would have made changes earlier. Rember when home, unless your wife brings it up leave surfing at the beach. Woman are strange creatures thus the many books written about this opposite sex. Your mind sake together with your kids as they grow into adults and have their own kids and your wife are all one package to try to preserve. Not all cases work out which can be sad. You are the head of your home. Never forget the responsibility that brings to you. It is great that at present your family enjoys the beach but a baby sitter can stand in when needed. Be forever watchful my friend.

Mountainman wrote:

Peninsula it sounds to me you have some very good tips from others in your age range. Remember that the ocean is your stress relief and not necessarily your wife's or your children's as they grow older. I did not pay attention to this fact and paid the ultimate price. Remember that as your wife grows older that some serious hormonal changes kick in. This is the time you need to be on guard of your family relationship and your zest for the ocean. Enjoy your kids whilst they are young enough not to be embarrassed by their parents. 14 - 18 can be a difficult age bracket with your kids. Work is always secondary to family. Set in place responsible boundaries for your kids and yourself. Last of all woman do go through that change in life around that 50 - 58 age bracket. Most of us are Grandparents at that stage but it can destroy you unless you have countered for this change happening some 20 years earlier in your own habbits. I did not. After 36 years I lost the love of my life who icidently was a surfie chick back in the 70's when we first got together. If I knew what I know now I would have made changes earlier. Remember when home, unless your wife brings it up leave surfing talk at the beach. Woman are strange creatures thus the many books written about this opposite sex. Your mind sanity together with your kids as they grow into adults and have their own kids and that of your wife are all one package to try to preserve. Not all cases work out in this time which can be sad. You are the head of your home. Never forget the responsibility that brings to you. It is great that at present your family enjoys the beach but a baby sitter can stand in when needed. Be forever watchful my friend.

Wow i,m really stoked on reading this forum! All great tips from those above. I,m a house Dad with a 14 month old and a 3 year old and just moved back to being very close to a good surf coast after about 6 years inland in various places. My Wife earns the bread. Soooo good being back on the coast and getting one or two ,2 hour sessions in a week. I just go mega early and enjoy it as anything is pumping compared to being way inland. I take the groms to the beach heaps (can be hard if its pumping though and i,m on the beach with the kids but i tell myself its the next best thing watching nice waves) and have been loving getting the 3 year old boy on the 5,5 foamy when i can and he is stoked on it as long as he is warm! Just got him good little steamer as he gets cold easy. I suppose i,m on the other side of the coin as my wife realises that i need the odd surf to keep sane with the house job gig( It is harder than i thought)

Oh and like those above mentioned, the high volume board is the go!

Hi all,

Also new to the forum. A great read and a lot I can relate to atm, having 2 under 2 years old with the eldest not being the best sleeper up until the birth of the new one (thankfully!). With sleep deprivation, a long commute into work and other commitments, the opportunities to get wet have become rarer averaging once a fortnight to a month. With no other exercise, 8-10 kg heavier and no fitness, the surfs I do get are not as enjoyable as I'd like.

Just last week my wife told me I've been more distant and less happier than usual and made me realise that I am suffering from a bit of depression. Reading this thread just confirmed that I was (thanks wingnut). My wife does a fantastic job and I try and support her as much as I can, but the pressures built up inside and began to show externally. She knows what a release surfing is for me and told me to go surfing during last weeks swell. My mood changed immediately.

So after being inspired by your posts, this morning took FR's advice and managed to get away half an hour before my usual departure to work and go for a 10min beach run to warm up followed by a 15min surf. Managed 6 or 7 small waves, didn't care to wait for sets, just hooked into any after I paddled out each time and finished off with a nice backhand close-out reo. Satisfied! If I could manage that any more often than what I've had lately, I think I'll get through to the other side just fine. Luckily too that I've collected a few 2nd hand boards over the years, all nearly the same dims but with different volume.

Thanks!

Unreal Doug, great to hear.. Lots of good info in this thread, thanks everyone.

Good onya DR ... how good is that salty feeling as ya head off to work!

I'll throw another idea out there ... talk to ya bosses and shift ya start time back 30mins if ya can, then take 30mins out of ya lunch hour. Use that 30mins in the morning to add to the time you can squeeze in for a surf, and you'll nearly get an hour in the water.

Even if you only do it twice a week, it will keep the stoke, fitness and energy levels up ... YEW !

In days gone by, I did the time swap, but due to the distance to waves, only did it once a week. I'd shave 30mins off for 4 days, and have a late start every Wednesday. Standing on the beach at dawn, paddle out first light and even with the distance could get a 2 hour session in mid week ... The 30mins off on Friday was actually a full hour and I'd piss off to the coast early every week.

The funny thing, my productivity increased and the boss noticed! I scored pay rises and promotions due to better work outcomes and was actually spending less time in the office. Didn't take me long to realise I could return phone calls while driving back from the beach, so I'd save them from the day before and start my "work" as I drove to the office.

here's another tip that works for me and my mate, team up with another surfing dad with kids around the same age. Go together and tag it up, one surfs while one hangs on the beach with the kids then swap after an hour or so. You have to be organised, pack lunches shade etc. We score heaps.
The wives get a day off and when its pumping you can solo it with no dramas.

My wife works FIFO and me and my mate do this all the time.

I get an OS surf trip every year.

The trick is to have a good wife. I took my wife on a boat trip to the maldives last year, only girl with 10 blokes. She is a tradie that works in mining so no dramas for her, and she surfs. It bought me another year on the boat!

Being a self employed tradie helps too. While the wife is at work drop the daughter at school, blow off work and hit it.

To quote Joe Dirt "Life is like a garden, you gotta dig it, make it work"

Love that salty feeling! Already working reduced hours to suit the current circumstances but hopefully find work closer to home. If I could find the half hour session once or twice a week, more than happy and more prepared fitness wise when I get a better opportunity. I've already checked out the forecast for the next week for likely locations. Yew!

Soggy ,that's a rare wife ....a tradie wife that works fifo in mining.