e wrote:

Local ocean scientist Pat Caldwell, of Honolulu’s NOAA office, took a look at imagery of David’s wipeout and estimated the volume of the wave above him to be at 180 cubic feet. At 64 pounds of pressure per cubic foot, that equates to more than 11,000 pounds of water unloading on the youngster.

Finally! The ASP's press release machine makes good use of some sciencey-nerd facts.

Now, if they'd only do as great a job and breakdown the gawd awful ingredients in Vitamin Water.....

you know that brand of high fructose swill, owned and marketed by The Coca Cola Company.

Sweet wave, Bayrick... Yew!

As a part of its Peer Review, the ASP Department, PRASP, in conjunction with the University of Manly Beach will conduct the following experiment. The CEO of PRASP explained that an 11,000 lb (5.5 ton) weight will be dropped from a height of 15 - 25 foot, measured from the back, onto a person standing on a surfboard. The CEO of PRASP then handed over to the Officer in Charge of Experimental Weight Dropping (OCEWD). OCEWD then explained that under the guidance of the Strict PRASP Protocols Department(SPRASPPD) a representative volunteer surfer, a Mr Blind Boy, who once shunned and criticised the founders of the ASP, had been selected to take part in the experiment. The CEO of the ASP, the CEO of PRASP and the OCEWD of SPRASPPD worked in conjunction to present the following statistics.

'This is what happens to other supposedly 'elite' athletes when confronted with a mere, and we might add, approximate only, 2,000 lbs of force:'

Our volunteer, Mr Boy, will show the world, the fans, the money, the galaxy, the cosmos, once and for all, that our ASP, PRASP and SPRASPPD reviewed and tested 'elite' athletes are the greatest athletes of all time. Further more, the ASP will then cunningly, agressively and successfully market their athletes as the 'Elite, of the elite!' Again, and, once and for all, placing them at the top of the athletic mountain! The CEO of the ASP did point out however:

'We do note that Blind had elected to use a 12 foot, 8 and half inch thick long board, and at the last second before impact will attempt the infamous 'Eskimo Roll.' He has also enlisted the help of a Mr D. Copperfield.

Stop press:

In an unfortunate turn of events the OCEWD of SPRASPPD has announced the untimely squashing of a Mr Blind Boy. The CEO of the ASP, and the CEO of PRASP, have distanced themselves from the experiment, and have placed full responsibility with the OCEWD of SPRASPPD. Although they did make the following announcement:

Blind asked that the following statement be etched onto his 5'11", plastic/silacoid/teflon/graphite/four finned/100km per hr capable/ composite gravestone:

'Ask not what science can do for you, but rather, ask what you can do for science.'

At the funeral Bugso leapt up screaming, 'yas fucked up eh! Oyo and Fannso seen it eh! Ya's 'ad 11001 lbs on there yar fuckin' tossers'. He's a fuckin' champ, Blinder, and woulda done 11,000 no worries... no fuckin cred ya upfucked units! 'Parkso chimed in, 'Yeah, good one bugso, they done the same fuckin cheatin' ta Occo and Kobeso on them fuckin' tv shows too! Oyos got new ink about it eh!'

However, in a dramatic turn of events, it appears that Mr Boy's squashing has once and for all united religion and science. At the exact instant of his squashing, the 'Zombie' comet appeared, baffling all and sundry.

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/technology/technology-video/video-zombie-...

Both religious icons and science have labelled it a 'miracle', the reincarnation of Blind, and the comet will be officially named, 'The Blind Zombie'.

Things are gettin pretty funky in that melon of yours aren't they uppy?
Beyricks barrel was unbelievable...

nice pic of that throaty barrel on the ASPsite

Yeh, it is a bullshit barrel, but the actual truth is, despite all the hype, the surfing at Sunset hasn't advanced at all in the last 20 - 30 years. Elkerton in his prime, and many of the surfers in that era attacked Sunset much harder than many of the contemporary, 'elite pros'. Watch the old clips, you could put the best rides then in the latest clip and they would be capable of winning. Only a goofball falls for the hype.

Thanks for going to all that trouble uppity but why didn't you just squash me like a bug with your übermensch strength?

OK you guys win... again. Scientists have proven that surfers are super elite athletes capable of having 5.5 tons lobbed on them from heights of 25 feet or so. Even though... and this actually is unbelievable... some of them themselves weigh less than 50kgs. Have a keg and go figure!

Some stuff happening re posts showing up when/where.

Show me some clips of your nominations at solid Sunset stunet, and I'll post some and we'll be able to see.

Wait.. Are pro surfers elite athletes or not?? Or are nfl players the only elite athletes around here (with body armour on).

That's easy, check their payslips.

49kg? Elite athlete? Yeh, no worries son, you're in that line, down the road and around the corner, 150th building on the left... or was it 180th on the right... don't worry you'll find it. We'll see if we have someone available to carry that armour for you. Actually we'll save you the trouble, we don't have any that small.

49 kgs uplift. Long distance runners and lightweight boxers weigh 49kgs. You telling me they aren't elite athletes? You need to be a 105 kg muscle bound rugby player to be an elite athlete do you? Wanker

Exactly, numbskull. Try telling the 49kg world champion boxer that his next bout is against the 110kg world heavyweight champ. Even pitting him against someone ten kilograms heavier is considered cheating. Manslaughter. Boxing made up the, 'a good big man will always beat a good small man,' and then forever curses the day it did. Those fuck'n weight divisions.

But, cripees, in the movies, Bruce was dropping the big dumbo's left right and centre... and then I seen the fuck'n ninja's...

A big, muscle bound champion wanker will always flog a little yoga'd up so so wanker. Little wanker.

You chose to ignore the 49kg marathon runner... Not elite?
Nice logic

No goofy, I think you need to be a yank. Uplift has it bad for nfl players who probably run for a total of 10 minutes over a game that takes 5 hours to complete... Oh wait, changeover. Quick all you guys better come off for a rest and we will send these guys on that have been sitting around doing nothing for the last 10 minutes, but don't start the play just yet, were still running a Pepsi commercial or wait is it a Budweiser one?? Oh, I'm thirsty now... And That black muscley dude playing around in a kids playground... Uppity is really into that guy.

Ah Ha Uppity,

Good old Bruce Lee, would snap the big boys like a tooth pick and

H.H. Sri Swami Sivananda would bend their bodies and mind's into the next"SPRASPPD" realm.

Thats when De Vries would laugh, from inside the barrel.

3 against me, its almost starting to get a little bit fairer.

goofo, yes, I ignored the 49kg marathon runner, because a truly elite of elites 19kg one burst on the scene.

As for the other 2, including the 89% body fat ninja, have good look at this list.

http://www.forbes.com/athletes/list/

Elite NFL, tick.

49kg?

Surfer?

...

..

.

______________________________________________________________________

What are you trying to say Uplift?
If you are an elite golf player you will make more money then everyone else?
wow what a novel idea......

All sounds good at the front bar, or buried nostrils deep in the snow groges, but just like the Bruce movies/ninjas hoax, the reality is the AFL's biggest, toughest, strongest most skilled athletes rarely, and are lucky to get a low paid utility role in the NFL (which still earns them much more than a top 'elite' 49kg pro surfer) They just are too small, slow and soft to do anything else in that elite league. Thats the facts. Al Green, a reserve player in US college basketball, and a second string college sprinter, came out here and dominated professional running, winning every event, and became a celebrity here.

The list says everything... or rather what it doesn't say, says it all reeco. And its supposed to be 3 dots... what is 6 dots...... trying... to say?

In fact, I like it it, its got a ring to it. It suits you, no more reeeco, its dotsy...... not to be confused with duttsy. dots reckons...

He's built like a dot, thick as a dot... dots point noarlunga... dots. I like it. It suits you.

Manny Pacquio isn't the size of Mike Tyson yet he has been the second highest paid athlete in the world. Tiger woods is a GOLF player and makes ridiculous money.
Tennis players certainly aren't built like Uplift but they make a lot more money then him.
The Americans make more money in NFL then AFL because they have 314 million people to attract to games where as Australians have 23 million (just a slightly different sized market hey?).

Join them dots you big donkey.

What are you even trying to argue, really are you just arguing that the bigger and more muscle you are the better you will be at every sport and the more money you will make? Shit argument. And who is Al Green?

Why am I responding to this? It is a dumb argument that you keep dragging up.
If you really are a man mountain why do you carry on like you have small man syndrome?

Because deep down inside dots...... ......

Exactly dots, none of the athletes you listed weighs less than 50 kg. The best AFL players who attempt the NFL admit they aren't up to the rigours of playing. That has nothing directly to do with numbers attracted to NFL games. However, indirectly, that paying public are used to seeing that level of athleticism and professionalism, and will willingly pay for it. If a bunch of little, untrained kids came out and flogged their athletes, as regularly happens to 'elite' pro surfers, they would demand their money back.

Unless you are saying that surfing is only trying to attract a much smaller, lesser paying market?

Yes, the reality is, not just my opinion, but the actual reality is, as awesome an athlete as Pacquiao is, Tyson probably would have killed him, or seriously injured him. That's why weight divisions exist. Thats why they made a stink about Marquez and drug use. To protect the dots.

Its no surprise that you don't know who Al Green is.

The ASP approach is this:

I have a clapped out Lightburn Zeta that hasn't sold in a long, long time, and isn't attracting buyers. Easy fixed, we'll just market it as a high performance Bugatti Veyron EB 16.4

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bugatti_Veyron

That should do it.

Fiji, worlds greatest ever surf, no 'elite' pro zone. The Super Bowl, Pacquiao v Marquez. Sorry can't make it, not elite enough, not ready, left me helmut home, no proper gloves on me. I didn't think it was on today. Might get knocked out. Pay me 'elitely' though.

Al Green is an elite soul singer from the 1970s who probably didn't earn as much as his talents would suggest.

that whole thing has been worn out uppity, cloudbreak has been done and dusted. If they f*ck it up again though it will be a bit of a shame that they didn't learn. (That's assuming they get surf like that again any time soon).
Try comparing surfing to a sport that has a similar unpredictable arena, rather then a pitch.
How about, bull riding or fishing or something else where there is also an element of luck involved as well. Plenty of cases where some young upstart has come out and blitzed the best of those sports and generally the crowd loves it.
People still go on about Nicky Wood now and his legend grows every year.

NFL / AFL? different games, the best NFL players probably wouldn't be up to the rigors of competing in a professional golf tournament.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Golf

Stick your Bugatti Veyron

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bugatti_Veyron

on a dirt track with some obstacles and the puny little RM 250

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suzuki_RM_series

will make your Bugatti Veyron look like a dumb, slow, uncoordinated, muscle bound meat head.

Gather 'round y'all, have I got a story for youse. Anyway it was a great clean swell quite a few years ago at b****s, on a Saturday too, 6ft+, a lot of onlookers, not too many out considering what a great day it was.. Anyway this young guy rocks up mid-morning, hungover, he doesn't mind a drink. Checks it out strikes up a conversation with a few of them, asks them if they've been out, none of them had. He's a bit cheeky this guy and says to one of them "forget your board again ****?" "No, I snapped it on the last swell you little smartarse" " what? The week before last?" "Yeah" " oh yeah which day?" "Ahh, the Thursday" " really? I was spent a few hours in the water that day, took the day off work, it was pretty good, but didn't see you out" "Oh Well, Maybe it was the Friday, who cares! You think I'm lying or sometin'? I'd be out out there today if I had a board" "yeah ****, I know you would, I've probably got a spare board in the car you could use" "nah, wrong size" "didn't tell you what size it was??" "Look you little runt, you're not even fit" "what? Never said I was" "if you think you're so fit and strong lets go and do a beep test and see if you beat me" "what are you talking about?? I just want to go for a surf, I'm not going to do a beep test" "yeah, pussy, knew you weren't up for it, I'm fitter and stronger than you, pro surfers aren't even elite athletes, they're not fit either, nfl players and black muscley guys playing in children's playgrounds are heaps fitter than pro surfers" "****, I don't give a shit about pro surfers! I don't even follow the comps! I just like going surfing, I don't give shit how fit I am! as long as I can get into a few of these bombs today that will be good enough for me, maybe you need to go and see a doc and get on some meds" "look, doctors don't know anything, just the other day one told me I couldn't eat a dozen eggs a day, what an idiot" "whatever, I'm going for a surf. See ya"
It was hilarious, this young cocky runt really got shown up, turned down the challenge of a beep test, instead to go out and get pitted. Knew he couldn't keep up and didn't want to be shown up and embarrassed. Yeah, he might have got some good pits that day, but he got on the piss the night before, went and ate a burger with the lot and a bag of chips after his surf and probably went to the pub again that night. Didn't even know he wasn't fit enough to be surfing those waves. What an idiot.
Meanwhile, **** went home and got up to 16.5 in a beep test, followed by a few sets of burpies. He sure showed the cocky little runt... Hilarious stuff

Eh?!!!!!!!! You were there, too, Grog?

Indeed I was gator. Indeed I was.. I've got quite a few good stories. Don't want to waste them all on this one thread now but, do I?

Looks like you've had plenty, again, but have another snort gimps.

Try asking $2,700,000 for your suzi. No one is that dumb or dotty. Except you dots.

great comment uppity

http://www.thefreedictionary.com/uppity

Had any calls for the suzi yet dots?

For fucks sakes Uppity,

De Vries got one of his best tubes, who gives a fuck if it was for not as much money as the big ominous NFL boys ( note I never used da_k or bl_ck as like the clouds over us at the moment, code of conduct SN).

Did you ever play NFL big boy, or were you too scared....?

Or maybe you couldn't show your little frizzled up 21,915 day old wingey in the shower with the ominous big boys from the NFL...?

The ASP cares chubby. I am a big boy.

Pro surfing seems to roll like a combination of Bull Riding, and World Series of Poker tournaments.