Slater
Can't understand why you're still just a no-name gym junkie in a remote fishing town in South Oz, Asshat. Bewildering. Prophets not welcome in their hometown and all that, I guess. Such a wasted talent. Or misspent life. Or something.
The worst ever dawg. Not you too, here we go again, don't mistake skill for elite athleticism. But nice attempt at avoiding.
The photo blowy? We never did that sort of thing. Those few are the only shots I have. Most are late fifties, photo's are all the rage now, so some people snapped a few. Some guys made a big deal out of em back then though, mostly east coasters, and spent ages trying to get em. The obligatory fat hander outside corner shots are a classic, were all the rage for a while. They fool the uninformed. They don't show that fifty or sixty people can take off anywhere on the same wave, that every man, dog, woman and child is kicking and splashing to get one of the 'biggies'... that beautiful, almost gentle slope... the endless shoulder. They do the 'trick' though! Blokes that moan about this sort of stuff, hate the bloody things!
'Do you have any more photo's? I've only seen your bottom turn, and a "surf boat pivot" cut back.... I'm sure you've got an old photo somewhere of you throwing a hack'
Yeh, gentle, slowly rolling shoulder, not a lip in sight, as far as the eye can see, no track, no where near the action... who would post such a thing and then claim it as legendary stuff!!!
Go figure!!! Fickle the human mind!!! Car salesman, changin' like the wind... anything to make that sale!!!
'Can't understand why'
Obviously. Blacks. And you'll never forgive me for all those slappings gimp, and for being relegated to end of the line relentlessly, forever.
"Yeh, gentle, slowly rolling shoulder, not a lip in sight, as far as the eye can see, no track, no where near the action... who would post such a thing and then claim it as legendary stuff!!!"
Well, speaking of slowly rolling shoulder, not a lip in sight, as far as the eye can see, no track, no where near the action...
You gotta do better dawg. Its just not fuck'n working is it dawg? I gotta warn ya, you'd drown out there dawg...lol, certainly ain't outside corner... lol!!! Ain't, 'shit shee's fuck'n dark an scary an stuff out there' chi's either...lol!!! What did you think of it out there at ulu's anyway... lol!!! Maybe you were on the point checkin' the clouds and humidity and firin' up the waffle irons and stuff... lol, callin' the lad in... lol!!! Maybe polishin' the lense? Workin' on the 'album'... lol!!! Heading in the opposite direction to your young legend though. Don't worry about black's, leave it off the list dawg... its a no shoulder issue... even at 3 foot... lol (fuck'n shoulder s)... lol!!! Even though you're in your prime. Aren't ya... surely...lol!!! Not for you dawg. Never was. Never will be. I love that shot though, reminds me of where I've been. Fuck'n lists eh!!! Why the fuck would carry fuck'n lists around all ya life...lol!!! Surf the fuckers if ya really want em...lol... really???!!! Yeh, really... honest...lol!!! 'A' listers!! Funny shit... LOL!!!
You gotta do better dawg. Its just not fuck'n working is it dawg?
Uplift on the cover of tracks in the 70s???? Didn't happen.... But the guy who you reckon aint a legend did it... Not once......
Youngest kiwi to make it through the pro class trials at 12 foot plus sunset.... Then of course there's the centre spreads in SW.... And a full page shot in American Surfing Mag... I couldn't be fucked digging them up... You can lead horse to water, aye lifto....
Stop embarrassing yourself, mate.....
Yeh, get that fuck'n list, all the reems of pages, crawl out from under the pie tins, chuck the fuck'n broom, forget tone, forget the clouds, forget the fuck'n humidity, forget what all the other guys did, all the fuck'n other other list(s), no more forever wonderin' and just hook in dawg. That's if its real, that fuck'n list... not just a fibby, a chrissie, a new year list!! Lists can be a funny thing... fashionlista's... look cool though!!!
And when your wakin up in the old ellie hospital, and all the memories of that 3 footer are floodin back... and the screamin and tremors subside... and the shoulders flare down... thank good ol' Lifty!!!
'Thanks maaayte, thanks for gettin' me out the pie tins Lifty, and inta the real world... thanks for the fuck'n Truth lift... ya fuck'n #### **** fucked up mother ####'n ####*****t !!!!!! NUURRSSSEEE!!!! NOOOOO... THAATSSS NOOOTTT MMMYYY FUUCCCKKK'NNN LIIISSTTT... NEVERR FFFUCCKK'NNN SEENNN ITT!!! NNNOOOOOO!!!!'
Yeh, go dawg... hook in son... rub a hand full a chia seeds into your shoulders if ya like... shit rub a fuck'n whole sack in for that matter... what difference is it gonna make!!!
List... en' the fuck up dog!!! LOL!!!
.
GF ,
HAHAHAHAhHaHahahahah......
uplift my old keyboard warrior cobber. I reckon you missed my point more than the point you missed while surfing the shoulder in that photo you posted.
You see basically no one on these threads bar you yourself and irene wants to see pro surfing become a muscle fest of laird hamilton wannabees that have the style of an obese chimp.
You see surfing is all about style, a problem you obviosly have never corrected judging by your poo stance crab antics in pics you post.
Style or should I say good style is a gift not many are given, even a lot of the world tour pros and including the new world chumpion aint got in my opinion.
You need to have an epiphany of sorts and realise that the older you get the better you were,
and that good surfing is not about muscles and training , its about having fun, thats it, thats all.
The thread tittle says "Slater" but the thread is not about him whatsoever :(
I tried to give little slattsey his thread back... bloody hell even spartso can have the fucker... I never even wanted the thing! I just wanted to surf blacks and protect a few legends... not all of em though. Ya can't protect em all, not even I can! As if the hidings blacks would dish out to em weren't bad enough, fuck, it got even uglier in the gym! Give little slattsey his thread back...
'Give little slattsey his thread back'
BORING!!!
uplifted..and... style?......ah, the 2 are at each end of the spectrum....a bit like athleticism and talent.....but those photos of our resident roid lifter prove to all of us .....that in the surfing dept...he is also at the other end of the surfing spectrum...... but must admit that uppit's rant is/was one of the funnier posts I have read..
So thanx for the entertainment.........and back to.....Slats and his Chia seeds...
So back to topic. What about the deep tissue massage that he talks about? He does have a kind of, to use a technical term, sponginess about his movements that no other surfer I have seen has. Limp is too strong a word but there is a degree of looseness and ease of movement no-one else has. Is the deep massage changing the character of his muscles allowing him to respond more quickly and accurately? That and the long rest spells with the hot baths seem to fit together as a way of retaining ease of movement.
I know you will be all over this uplift in terms of pushing strength but for surfing is it really necessary to be doing strength training all the time? A few months a year combined with lots of surfing seems a more functional approach. It is easy in sport, as in other areas of life, to over-estimate what we know and under-estimate what we don't and, given Slater's dominance over such a long period, it has to be worth considering the possibility that he is on to something.
about 18 years ago ,I went to Paris with Kelly to check out an offer for a modeling agency....and also to see a friend Myumi who is of Japanese descent but lived in france for 30 years. He was/is a Shiatsu /healer / massage genius....he actually analized Kell as being double jointed in his hips and was quite a physical freak in that he could bend himself a ways most humans can't......he was born a freak.....still is a freak...and possibly will alwas be a freak...
its funny how everybody is looking for a quick answer to being a freak....you are or you ain't....all the training in the world all the good food in the world will just make you healthy......
Maurice, I understand the reason for your grammatical slip (Asshat being Public Enema #1 and all) but it's "analysed", not "analized".
And you're right about freaks being born, not made.
Can things get any uglier in the gym ?
Uplift to client 1 : " Have you ever seen a grown man naked ?"
Uplift to client 2 : " Do you like gladiator movies ?"
Uplift to client 3 : ". Have you ever been in a Turkish prison ?"
Wow... A public meltdown of catastrophic proportions... Is it the summer desert wind that's dehydrated the frontal lobes? The extreme fire warnings pushed you over the edge? For fucks sake calm down... Carrying on like a poonce...You're old now.... You don't need this.... PING!!!!!!!!
Amongst your howling and bitching, you seemed to have forgotten the I AGREED with you re' chia - marketing - chia ching.....
You have also forgotten that I AGREE with you re' surfers aren't elite athletes... I even pointed out Parko throwing in the towel at Jbay.....Check your brain mate.... Short term memory damage...
The thing is, lifto, I couldn't give a fuck.... The swillnutters may believe pro surfers are elite, but I don't care.. The swillnutters may believe that because they are "elite', they should be paid more.... Problem is, surfing is and always be a fringe sport...... There's more money in professional chess, darts.... Some guy in Chicago can play darts... He can't go surfing... Consumer base....
And you can train surfers up to an elite fitness level all you like... It won't change a freekn thing... Dreamland.... The tribalistic soccer hoon in Chelsea wont give a fuck if Parko can run 100 in 9.9... He'll just swig his warm beer and abuse the West Ham bus as it rolls into town.... No one will care... Pro surfing just aint that interesting, unless you surf.....
Now ..... Using that crap show, dancing with the stars/occy, as an example for fuck knows what.... And what in gods name are you doing watching that shit... I did some googling and nearly threw up!!!
Fact - Occy wasn't the lowest ever score.. Google it, lift... it was famer dave with 4 out of 40....
Fact - Occy made it to ROUND 3
Fact - "Elite athletes" --- All American football star Keyshawn Johnson was eliminated in the FIRST WEEK!
Fact - NBA star Ronald Artest jr was eliminated in the FIRST WEEK!
Fat - USA track and field star Lolo Jones eliminated FIRST WEEK!!
Fact - Evander Holyfield was eliminated in the 2ND WEEK!!
Occy made it to week 3............. So what is your point?
More here;
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Dancing_with_the_Stars_(U.S.)_competitors
The trouble when people believe something to be true for years and years, then have proof put in front of them that it's all a lie often takes a while to sink in.... Shock, denial, anger.... Soon the grief will hit..
Insert non sensical cryptic rant here - (or just calm the fuck down and post something straight to the point, which would be nice for a change)
Ohh, and thanks for the shoulder tip... Again.... Coming along nicely... ;)
All true brutus but you would have to agree that whatever natural advantages Kelly started with he has managed them spectacularly well and that's what I find interesting in both physical and psychological dimensions.
Blindboy... Would you say a lot more "power surfers" used to win the title back when Sunset Beach was included in the tour? Not only that, but a different mindset... pros these days know there is only the one comp - the pipe....
But back in the old black and white days lol, with 2 rated comps held on the island, anything could happen.... Momentum is a fickle beast.... By memory, Sunset was held first, followed by Pipe.... If you didn't perform at Sunset, sure, you had another shot.... But the mind can also play a role...
Slater has never really performed well at Sunset.....
I think Irons may have added a title or 2 if Sunset had've been included every year....
I was seriously distracted for most of the nineties Sheepy and didn't pay much attention to professional surfing so I couldn't really hazard a guess about that.
A bit like that myself... Pretty sure Sunset fell off the tour in the late 80s/early 90s.... Well actually not sure... But here's an interesting article on Sunset, with a mention on Slater at the end..
http://www.surfline.com/surfing-a-to-z/sunset-beach-history_914/
I see ''the family' has been busy... so to speak. The pie tins have been hurled about, clanging and rattling. The wagons circling. What have I done. I have bonded 'the family'. Again. Given them meaning. Purpose. Although there is another common bond... dare I broach that 'taboo' subject!!! Cross blacks off that list dawg. for your own good. I know you gave 'expert' lectures on the subject, how you would tackle it (surprise, surprise)... but don't do it. I had to laugh when I read your sunset piece. The opening lines. Your expert estimation of the left, is a well worn one in the carpark. Oh the merciless, cold, vicious floggings. Don't do it. You haven't answered any questions. Despite a lot of clanging and banging and waving of the pie tins and smoke screens. What did you think of outside corner for one? And I knew the list... and the 'blasphemy' against spartso would be too much. I've surfed with heaps of guys that have had shots in mags, even world champs. And I never said this, although many do.
@uplift: I'm enjoying your tales of the carnage that is Blackfellows. It really has re-arranged a few egos over the years! Pity you don't want to reveal the tale of the legendary surfer/shaper big gun. Sounds hilarious!
And I will protect that particular legend to the end!!! And it was beyond hilarious!!!
Nah, maybe keep blacks on the list... you put it there. But go in your late fifties, fuck the 3 footers, use all that surf savvy and hook into some real sets. For 'the family'! And tell us how all that wisdom went. Be the first one of 'the family' to stand up!!! Maybe someone will happen to be there and think, fuck, I'll get a shot of that, a shot of you, without you slogging your guts out to try and get one. I don't thinks so. In fact, I know.
So. Slattsey. I've always said unbelievable, deluxe skill. But I never thought of 42 as old. I don't think its old, the opposite, I think its prime time. As much as the family are horrified, mortified by the sheer blasphemy, I use my example. I surfed, I quote, '
'the carnage that is Blackfellows. It really has re-arranged a few egos over the years!'
Well into my fifties, for as long as liked. Dawn till dusk if I felt like it. 4 -5 hour sessions were normal. And I saw plenty of photo hounddawgs get obliterated. Rescued a few too. Even offered to lend them boards... to try and help them. And saw some ridiculously, impressively skilled surfers. I never said I was better than slattsey. But, I have no qualms talking about fitness, longevity, injuries surfing. I have been training people for longer than he has been alive. Not just thinking I could. I still do it in an industry where 2 - 3 years is the common burn out rate, and a genuine issue. Where most trainers are under half the age. Where litigation deters many. I don't have injuries. I don't cause them. I actually fix heaps that are supposedly totally unfixible. I don't have to hide.
Outside weekly? For the 'latest' fitness 'info'? Really blinder?
You inadvertantly answer your own wondering blinder. Pro Surfing is a luxury passtime. Its just not that hard.
But Pro surfing wants to be like NFL etc. Where money talks. It is there to make money. NFL makes ridiculous amounts of money in comparison. well, there is no comparison. Not even a remote one. NFL has a long success record. Again incomparable. Even boxing is under seige, as the favoured heavyweight division is losing prospects to the likes of NFL. Despite Mayweather, more overall money. For more athletes. Pro surfers want the same. They've failed dismally, been rejected by the market for a ridiculous amount of time. In pro sports, the athletes are just commodities, just replacable pieces, but crucial cash earners. The NFL demands a level of athleticism that demands, that actually requires a certain level of training. To compete, you must be at that level. That ever increasing level. The training is expensive, hard, time consuming in a world where time is money, but it makes more money. So it is there. Because it works so well. Increases athleticism and performance. So well. Otherwise it would go. Its all about money. It, the training works. If not training, no training ensured a better performance, and so more money, it would be jumped on. I've trained and played with several guys that have made it briefly to that level. They freely admitted they just weren't up to it. So much committment and effort required. I've never seen a surfer that comes remotely close athletically. Including slattsey. The likes of dany would be annihalated if they compared pure athleticism. So, they, Pro surfers are payed accordingly. The training level expected in NFL enhances performance. Pro surfing is a holiday camp in comparison. Choosing to do what and when you feel like it. Go fishing if you like. Miss this week if you like. And wanting the money. Even lowly paid AFL players work a million times harder. The pass time slattsey excels in has a low athletic performance load and expectation. And low grade athletes to perform against. Longevity should be common. I really would like to see athletic surfers, that could demonstrate that athleticism in the same way other codes match up against each other. If the paying public saw that, they would be more interested. Surfing would mean more to them.
Obviously it takes huge commitment and knowledge to juggle the ever increasing elite training requirements with the ever increasing performance demands. Its actually in many ways not that much different in everyday life. Pro Surfing is a holiday camp.
Slattsey's back/hip thing has been highlighted and obvious for ever. I've trained people like that. A double edged sword. I read honest interviews where he highlighted his completely fucked shoulders, long term knee issues, and his chronic back. At only late thirtees. Training is supposed to stop that, fix that. Core. It makes me laugh when I read all the articles starting to come out about the 'new' core. Anyone who actually knows me knows I used to rave on about the same thing 30 years ago. So its litte wonder slattsey has back problems. No core. In contemporary surfing it doesn't really matter that much. MR still won multiple world titles with a totally fucked back, and little athleticism. Again you can view this as blasphemous, arrogant, deluded. Its just what I am extremely experienced in. Too much flexibility was an old, but big issue in explosive sports. When flexibility training had its bursts, which it does every 10 years or so. Sprinters lost speed, field athletes lost power and injuries prevailed when too much flexibility was created through training. The market. Again, a bit simplistic, but think grand prix, jalopy. I'm lucky I've seen all those cycles. Again and again. So I'm arrogant and deluded if you like.
Don't start me on massage, and the 'releasing' world. Its around the block for another lap... again. Functional stuff.
The seeds. Inflammation. Just too big a topic. Again I'm lucky I love training. Always have. Never was driven by money in that regard. So, like anyone who is 'Truth' fully passionate about something, anything, and pours utterly everything into it, insights, epiphanies if you like, occur. Sometimes I'm so stoked to see the 'latest'. And know that it came to me years ago. Meditation is awesome. Free too. Inflammation. Hormones. Recovery. No inflammation? No adaptation. No muscle/structure growth. What's healing? How to manipulate inflammation. And hormones. Massive, still little understood subject. Lots of bungles. The market's dream! Pain sells!
Outside weekly? For the 'latest' fitness 'info'? Really blinder?
Sleep dawg, under the pie trays. Sleep my little friend, dream of blacks... for 'the family'... The trays will need kicking and throwing and clanging and banging... and restacking tomorrow.
'Traditionally, for injury, the idea has been to limit inflammation. As Urso (2013) points out, this might not be such a good idea, and perhaps the better question is not if we should, but at what point during this cycle may it be beneficial.'
'Blocking inflammation: Adaptation and Repair
So what’s the deal and why is it bad? The reason blocking inflammation might be bad is because of the effect on adaptation and recovery. Simply put, muscle damage is one of the key signals for adaptation. If enough damage occurs, and inflammatory markers are released, then it induces a signaling cascade that eventually results in adaptation to make sure the body/muscle is prepared for that amount of damage in the future. All those neat inflammatory markers like Interleuken’s (IL), cytokines, etc. all are potential triggers for some downstream adaptation. It’s a cascade of events that changes everything.
What the research has shown is that dampening the inflammatory response will:
-Decrease protein synthesis
-impair mitochondrial adaptations (in mice)
-impaired satellite cell increase (in animals)
-alterations in glucose metabolism (in animals)'
'But while inflammation has become a buzzword, not many people know what it actually means in the context that we're seeing it used. When Kelly Starret tells you not to reduce inflammation by icing an injury, and Robb Wolf tells you to avoid grains because they cause inflammation, and Brian Mackenzie talks about wearing compression gear to lower inflammation, are they talking about the same thing?
Sort of.'
'Inflammation and the Inflammatory Response in Athletes: A necessary Evil?'
http://www.bbsrc.ac.uk/pa/grants/AwardDetails.aspx?FundingReference=BB/I...
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Outside yuppies weekly? Really blinder... really?
No friends, no family, no sex life, no clients, no fing idea. Would be a tragedy if it wasn't such a dark comedy. What a sad sack of dry, dusty bones. You poor old sap, I almost feel sorry for you.
The head of 'the family'. Back from 1" blacks! I allow, I made him!
The NFL was massive 50 years ago whilst the players were still beer swilling farm boys mostly. People don't watch NFL because of the Super Athleticism. They watch NFL because they are boring fuckers that like NFL.
Yes, all 80 billion of them.
People that don't watch surfing, don't watch surfing because they don't like surfing.
And yes, I do believe it when you say you have been raving about training for 30 years.
"So I'm arrogant and deluded if you like. "
at last uppity some real self analysis ( got it!).....your whole rave about NFL is total irrelevant ...team sport with objective rules....surfing subjective individual sport......
would love to see a 6 6 x 280 lb linebacker surfing at trestles...hehehe......
back to slats......the Freaks .......you got it or you don't...and OK if you train , could be the difference between winning and losing against another freak......
Gday, lifty.... Geez... Went off sulking for a day, aye? Got too much for ya'?
Had to write a 2000 word essay to dodge and weave my points? Sweet.....
Point 1 - Lifty says Occys score lowest ever in history..... WRONG!!!!! Wrong for the whole world to see.... Proof given.... But instead of being humble and gaining respect amongst his peers, a hissy fit worthy of a teenage girl tantrum ensues....
Point 2 - A list of "elite athletes" eliminated in the first week given..... Proving my point that lifty using his deluxe dancing tv show as a pov re' athleticism is a wank stain...
Just like your hero, Joe Hockey, I can see the beads of sweat forming under your top lip....
So... The thread moves on, back to actual topic whilst lifty writes Mein Kampf sulking in his desert bunker.......
He returns..... Devastated.... No longer the focus....
Luv ya lifty ;)
I think you underestimate Uppity 'dog.
Of he'll be back..... But you know us dogs..... We can sniff em' out lol..... He's a funny old man, isn't he lol....
Oh mick free, here's a photo of that heavy right reef in kiwi land, the one I said that works only in big cyclone swells...... The guy surfing is the bloke lifty reckons can't surf hahaha.... Way better than goodtime surfer.... Old spart aint called spart for nothing... Short for Spartacus.....Beast of a man..... Shit hot union player too...
Oh dear. Its been happening for a while. The dawg thinks his 'family' life is real! Its all he's got now, he's lost in never never land! Poor little bugger its all he's got now, 24 hours a day. 'The family'. Even sleepin with one eye on the screen. Waitin for good ol' lifty to chuck a few morsels in his bowl... the missus won't... she's over it. Waiting for lifty to rattle the pie tins. Certainly not a working dog, but nuthin wrong with being the 'house pooch'... 'the (useless... lol!) family' pooch! Still, he thinks he's spart... oops smart, well, both really... lol! Its just the tins, and 'family' duties, doin 'tricks' for the family... yappin at banno, yappin at the wind... yappin at all the pictures... yappin at the music... yappin at the bloody computer... yappin at his 'list'... yappin at black's... yappin at 'the family... 24 hours aday!!! A yapspart... yappin his fuck'n head off all day!!! Hilarious!!!
I reckon get in on that road trip dawg, get out of never never land... its not real maaayyte... its the bloody internet ya silly, mangy little bugger!!! Get ya list... that fuck'n list (lol!) Get all ya smartso piccies, and grab blown and the gimp, and climb in blinder's bus!!! Have a dig at the real world... have a go!!! Sure might be a little bit of wind up the NW this time of year... just a smidge... but fuck 'I bin up the NW will sound good in ya yappin!!!
NEWS FLASH!!!!
COCKIE BLASTS MANGY LOST MUTT NEAR NEAR EUCLA!!! POLICE SUSPECT SUSPICIOUS CIRCUMSTANCES!!!
A local Eucla cockie blasted a mangy, scrawny mutt near Eucla today, after it wouldn't stop yappin.
'Farkin hell, someone had to blast the fuck'n thing, it had been yappin all fuck'n day and night... well it was a half yap half fuckin' grovellin' squwark!!! Plus the fucking clanging and banging, poor mangy, scrawny, useless half fed fuck'n thing had pie tins stuck on its fuck'n paws!!!
Police have detained several seedy looking suspicious 'surfee' characters.
'They call themselves 'the family'. And, 'The swillnuts'. They reckon they stopped for a piss and the yappin' pooch escaped, completely lost its bearings, and so they had to leave it behind? We noticed the car was looking real heavy, dragging on the ground. The scrawny little driver clutching a tattered copy of Yuppies Outside Weekly, reckons he was a scientist, and that the boot was full of scientific muscle buildin' books 'Lifty' gave him. Lifties a big, good looking raw boned cunt... real big... from down the highway. We asked what the fuck would lifty be doing mixing with a pack of scrawny losers for? He was quiet. When we said we'd search the boot, the maggotty fly blown one looked all nervous... fidgety. We came across more than we'd bargained for. They had a fuck'n sqealin', squwarkin' gimp chained up in the fuck'n boot!!! And a fuck'n photographer that reckons the fly blown one had payed him to come along and film the 'fun'!!! Sick bastards!!! Swillnuts alright. Sure enough the books were hollowed out, and full of suspicious substances, and mountains of photos covered in the mutts drool, of some guy they reckon was called spartso! 'The family' turned on each other... the scientist reckons he was framed, the blowy reckons it was the gimp, the gimp blamed the fuck'n mutt!!! Anyway we looked around for more evidence and found a drool soaked fuck'n list. There were what looked like frantic, hysterical claw and scratch marks on one particular word that looked like blacks. When we told them blacks was way back that way, that they'd missed the turn off, they all started screeching and screaming and squealing and trembling uncontrollably... the fuck'n gimp shit himself and the rest blacksed out. 'The fuck'n family' pooch was still barely alive and let out the most fearfull half baked squwark we've ever heard and we put another round in the poor fucker!!! We are still trying to find their true identities, but to make matters worse, they actually tried to bribe us to keep it a secret!!! Fuck'n 'the 'family'.... 'Swillnut club'... weirdest shit we've ever seen!!! Fuck'n freaks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Some body fuck'n pay us.... we're fuck'n freaks ya cunts!!!!
uplift wrote:Oh dear. Its been happening for a while. The dawg thinks his 'family' life is real! Its all he's got now, he's lost in never never land! Poor little bugger its all he's got now, 24 hours a day. 'The family'. Even sleepin with one eye on the screen. Waitin for good ol' lifty to chuck a few morsels in his bowl... the missus won't... she's over it. Waiting for lifty to rattle the pie tins. Certainly not a working dog, but nuthin wrong with being the 'house pooch'... 'the (useless... lol!) family' pooch! Still, he thinks he's spart... oops smart, well, both really... lol! Its just the tins, and 'family' duties, doin 'tricks' for the family... yappin at banno, yappin at the wind... yappin at all the pictures... yappin at the music... yappin at the bloody computer... yappin at his 'list'... yappin at black's... yappin at 'the family... 24 hours aday!!! A yapspart... yappin his fuck'n head off all day!!! Hilarious!!!
I reckon get in on that road trip dawg, get out of never never land... its not real maaayyte... its the bloody internet ya silly, mangy little bugger!!! Get ya list... that fuck'n list (lol!) Get all ya smartso piccies, and grab blown and the gimp, and climb in blinder's bus!!! Have a dig at the real world... have a go!!! Sure might be a little bit of wind up the NW this time of year... just a smidge... but fuck 'I bin up the NW will sound good in ya yappin!!!
NEWS FLASH!!!!
COCKIE BLASTS MANGY LOST MUTT NEAR NEAR EUCLA!!! POLICE SUSPECT SUSPICIOUS CIRCUMSTANCES!!!
A local Eucla cockie blasted a mangy, scrawny mutt near Eucla today, after it wouldn't stop yappin.
'Farkin hell, someone had to blast the fuck'n thing, it had been yappin all fuck'n day and night... well it was a half yap half fuckin' grovellin' squwark!!! Plus the fucking clanging and banging, poor mangy, scrawny, useless half fed fuck'n thing had pie tins stuck on its fuck'n paws!!!
Police have detained several seedy looking suspicious 'surfee' characters.
'They call themselves 'the family'. And, 'The swillnuts'. They reckon they stopped for a piss and the yappin' pooch escaped, completely lost its bearings, and so they had to leave it behind? We noticed the car was looking real heavy, dragging on the ground. The scrawny little driver clutching a tattered copy of Yuppies Outside Weekly, reckons he was a scientist, and that the boot was full of scientific muscle buildin' books 'Lifty' gave him. Lifties a big, good looking raw boned cunt... real big... from down the highway. We asked what the fuck would lifty be doing mixing with a pack of scrawny losers for? He was quiet. When we said we'd search the boot, the maggotty fly blown one looked all nervous... fidgety. We came across more than we'd bargained for. They had a fuck'n sqealin', squwarkin' gimp chained up in the fuck'n boot!!! And a fuck'n photographer that reckons the fly blown one had payed him to come along and film the 'fun'!!! Sick bastards!!! Swillnuts alright. Sure enough the books were hollowed out, and full of suspicious substances, and mountains of photos covered in the mutts drool, of some guy they reckon was called spartso! 'The family' turned on each other... the scientist reckons he was framed, the blowy reckons it was the gimp, the gimp blamed the fuck'n mutt!!! Anyway we looked around for more evidence and found a drool soaked fuck'n list. There were what looked like frantic, hysterical claw and scratch marks on one particular word that looked like blacks. When we told them blacks was way back that way, that they'd missed the turn off, they all started screeching and screaming and squealing and trembling uncontrollably... the fuck'n gimp shit himself and the rest blacksed out. 'The fuck'n family' pooch was still barely alive and let out the most fearfull half baked squwark we've ever heard and we put another round in the poor fucker!!! We are still trying to find their true identities, but to make matters worse, they actually tried to bribe us to keep it a secret!!! Fuck'n 'the 'family'.... 'Swillnut club'... weirdest shit we've ever seen!!! Fuck'n freaks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Gimme some of your drugs Ya big raw boned cunt of a man, because you are really off your dial
Oh oh, you're not gonna kill someone are ya!!! Sounds 'real' 'bad'!!! Anyway maybe with drugs you'll 'feel it'... fuck'n hilarious... 'shit'.
uplift wrote:Oh oh, you're not gonna kill someone are ya!!! Sounds 'real' 'bad'!!! Anyway maybe with drugs you'll 'feel it'... fuck'n hilarious... 'shit'.
They obviously haven't worn off yet.
"I reckon get in on that road trip dawg, get out of never never land... its not real maaayyte... its the bloody internet ya silly, mangy little bugger!!! Get ya list... that fuck'n list (lol!)"
Hahaha.... And whose been writing essays on the net for years..... And years..... And years..... And years.... You've been at banging that keyboard a lot longer than me old chum, even on new years night.....
Sad thing is, I only need to write 50 words to get my point across..... You need to write a book... Even then it makes no sense.....
It's sad to watch a once great man break.... Really really sad.... The smart ones walk away, accept their destiny, retire with dignity intact.... But those who refuse to face reality, they go into a grief like denial.... shock, anger, etc etc..... They think people actually take their opinions to heart, when really they are laughing... And crying....
A tragedy unfolding before the "family's eyes".... Soooooooo so sad.....
"This must be stopped.... It is a sad way to end"
Oh dear! Yep, 24 hours a day. Waiting for Lifty. Been waiting for years by the looks of it.
50 words a minute dawg? 60 minutes an hour, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year... nah, you're way in front of everyone dawg. And its only getting worse! Whats the point(s)(s)(s)(s)(s)(s)(s)(ad infinitum) again? I'll have another go at decifering you.
Yeh, well... no worries!!! Picked up a spartso... 'the family', toones, tones, lists, blacks, clouds, humidity, winds, log choppin', climates, lists, tins, lists... yeh... hey... yeh... sounds...
Yeh... ok, yeh... ya can stop now...
Faaaarrrkkk... yeh eh...
Shit dawg, get the list and go son. Ya gotta go dawg. Us, them, maaayttess, spartso, we, mummy, daddy, 'the family'... heard it all before dawg. Ya have to have a go, stand on your own dag... get over the ledge dawg. I know you think its gonna be, 'Faaaarrrkkk... awesome dawg... chargin... tell us where to catch the next one dawg... tell us when it will be offshore dawg!!!' But it wont. I know dawg... seen a million dawgs. It will be, 'here's a bomb, your up dawg... faaarrrk somebody give him a push... he's scissor handin'...
'FAAAARRRRKKKKKYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEWMMMMMMUUUUUUMMMMMMYYYYSSSSSSPPPPPPAAAAAARRRRRTTTTTTTTSSSSSSSOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPP...'
'Its alright dawg... you're in the ellie hospital... you had a floggin... you bin out for awhile... you're safe now... stop that fuck'n yappin...'
'EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!'
'Farrkkkk... stop that fuck'n yappin!!! Nurse!!! Blast the fucker, put him out of his misery for fuck sake... stop that fuck'n yappin...'
.... 'SSSSSPPPPAAARRTTTSS... HHHEEELLLPPP... LLLIFFFTTYYY...''Nurse wait... did he say lifty?'
'Gidday Lifty, got some mangy, yappin' pooch here, just about to blast the fucker and shut him up and he reckons he knows you... how could a mutt like that know you... shall we blast him?'
'Yeh, well, shit happens... let him live...'
'Let him fuck'n live... lifty?'
'Yeh... let him live...'
'Farrk... your all heart Lifty... shit there's a fuck'n gimp up here now... WTF... can you believe it... a fuck'n gimp!!! The two of them bolted... now they're up the back in the sandhills yappin and carryin on!!!
After watching his dancing with the stars dvd collectors edition, Lifty finally summons the courage to meet the dawg.... hahahaha.....
Post of the year ( to date ) ...
" come on Michael , pat the dog " .
Knockout punch for sure.
Lifty, you have 24 hours to trump that before you are considered irredeemably disgraced. If you've got an ace up your sleeve, now is the time to use it.
Yeh, its, funny... but desperate. It just highlights that taboo, ' the family' 'connection'... so to speak. I tried not to bring it up... dare I bring it up? Well why not they're all here... the 'connected' ones. You see I don't Lifty a finger... BLACKS. Yes its so fuck'n funny. Fucking shitting themselves geeks. Dawg's list. Shitting himself... he'll never fucking surf it. Just yap about it. That list will go to the grave with him. Broke back Chicken Soufle'... with his ludicrous, surfed it... without getting out of the car... surfed it... without actually being there... surfed it... by taking the wrong turnoff... endless years of terrified risk reward calculations... fucking beyond ludicrous. Then little blowy. Nothing but 3 flapping, yapping chicken shit mutts. I did surf it for day after day after day after day, after day , year after year after year after year after year, well into my fifties. While they shat themselves for day after day after day after day, after day , year after year after year after year after year. Never once had to wonder, wonder if Dawg, chicken soufle', or blown are going... ever, not once, ever. Did what they can only dream of, only put on lists and bullshit about... in aces and spades. Yap up a storm ya fuck'n chickenshit mutts. I don't have to Lifty a finger... blacks has already taken care of business.
Shut up ya yappin!!! Man the fuck up!!! 'List'... en the fuck up!!!
absolutely amazing....shows that blacks is like the puppy dawg.....and our beerless leader uppity .....is the....???
Oh Dear...'the family'... the never to be forgotten 'connection'. Oh my...
Me... I'm the guy that can't lose... the guy with the trumpet card. The guy that can't be 'washed through' washed away. Should 'the family' guys ever actually surf, as one astute observer observed, (I didn't say it)... 'the carnage that is blacks'... 'the carnage that really has rearranged a few egos over the years' it will only be because they have been Uplifted. Because Lifty gave them the courage to finally face the ... yes... the years, and years, and years, and years, and years, and years, and years, and years (did I say years?) of pent up terror... of pure fear. Lifty made them do it. Make your lists, do your endless calculations, take the wrong turn off, wind up the window and cower down behind the car seat, babble and jabber about wash aways, or simply be blown away. Cling to and clutch on to, waynes, kens, lynchies, dougs eds, jos, freds, bobs,... even spartso's. To no avail. What's done is done. What wasn't and isn't, wasn't and isn't.
Me... I'm the guy that did it... did what you mutts dream about and make lists about... deny even... the guy with all the aces and spades up those big, stretched mofuckin' pristine, untouched, good lookin' raw boned, muscle bound sleeves...
Barrel dodger
this is just getting embarrassing now I'm even starting to feel sorry for the poor old barrel dodger.
ease up a bit on the old fella would ya sheepy... you are making him look even more of a fool than normal in this thread...
and please no one mention all the times old barrel dodger got caught out hiding around at walkers when it got big...
Ok, grogan, I'll lighten up on schmucks number one admirer... Schmucklift.... "ohh heeeth Thooooe deluxthe...." "He thurfs rings around all of you at blakth".... "oooohhhhhhh yeahhhhh"........
No I'll lay off.. I wont point out that not every one has to use a keypad to access swellnet... Smart phones, Ipads.... Not everyone has to sit in their caves and bang on a Mac.... Such is life in Elliston..
I wont point out for the third time now that he wont man up about being wrong re' pantsing with the stars.... Cos when you're a man, you admit when you're wrong, not create a smokescreen... Girls do that... Ask don and Craig... I was wrong on the timing of that low, and the size of swell... Don and Craig were closer... I admitted they nailed it... I was wrong.... That's what men do....
I wont point out that he belittled a Kiwi surfing legend, then when shown proof he was a legend, couldn't handle it and played the man not the ball....
I won't point out that he bags the "list", but he read the list... We all know he's too cool to admit there are one or two waves in the world he'd love to surf....He surfed them all..... The cool kid just say "hhhr, list are for wankers"..... Then they write the longest list in the world......
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Now that's a list.....
I luv ya, lifty..... But I know I can never compete with your mancrush on Jeff..........
Now before schmucklift went mad, there was a thread on Slater.....
I'll probably sound like a slater basher ( I do believe him to be in the best 5 surfers of all time, and possibly the best of all time), but I do think his record flatters him....
This is beyond a fucking joke. He's not smart enough to write that list SD, its a straight copy & paste. He has a few of his own forums dedicated to him, even with his name on the heading that he could use. This one is titled Slater and I could count on one hand out of 2 fucking pages that has anything to do with Slater and the rest is about the barrel dodger. FUCK OFF UPLIFT. You are an embarrassment to yourself. Go and hijack your own dedicated forum.
Came here for easy to follow, bullet point list on how to surf more like Slater. Got lost in a sea of fucktard.
Will not visit again.
http://www.outsideonline.com/outdoor-adventure/water-activities/surfing/...