Farewell to arms

Dave Parmenter
The Rearview Mirror

mr_3.jpgDave Parmenter was once the 14th best surfer in the world, at least if the ASP ratings are an adequate guide to a subjective sport. That was in 1985, three years before he quit the World Tour. Yet despite Dave's impressive ranking he's more known for things done off the surfboard: the conception of the Stubb Vector and Widow Maker designs; his on point observations of the surfing world; and a slew of articles for surf and sporting magazines. Dave Parmenter is as adroit with word and pen as he ever was with board and body.

The following article was written by Dave after watching a screening of Storm Surfers 3D. It's over a year old, and descibes an event that occurred almost 28 years ago. At the time, the 1986 Billabong Pro, held at Sunset Beach and maxing Waimea Bay, was considered the greatest contest ever. Allow Dave to transport you back in time.

                                                 *****

My old friend Dr. Mark Renneker was in town last week and, rabid film fanatic that he is, he literally dragged me to go see something called Storm Surfers 3D. Relieved that it didn’t sound the sort of vulgar slasher flick he normally patronizes at midnight in the seedier districts of the San Francisco Bay area, I dutifully followed him to the late show, which in Lihue, Kauai was of course attended by about 3 surfers and 43 chickens that wandered in through the open exit to scarf up the groundball popcorn left by the 7:45 show.

As it turned out, Storm Surfers 3D followed the duo of my old pro tour mates Tom Carroll and Ross Clarke-Jones as they took up the White Man’s Burden and quested the Seven Seas for enormous mutant waves that seem to be an idee fixe for retired pro surfers, waves that are sort of a cross between the Elephant Man and Godzilla but with the temperament of David Berkowitz. The only reaction the film had upon me was to induce an overwhelming fatigue – not because the film was not exciting (it certainly was) but because there were numerous establishing shots of our heroes bundled up in 16 bolts of Quiksilver swag well before dawn on some desolate beach halfway around the world, and all I could think was You really got up at 3:42 AM just to get waterboarded by the kind of rogue wave that compelled Leslie Neilson to utter “Oh – my- God!” in 1972’s The Poseidon Adventure?

The amount of gear necessary to mount these expeditions quite literally filled a warehouse and I suffered empathic exhaustion much like an insomniac counting sheep, agonizing over all the schlepping necessary to transship all the jet skis and rescue sleds and oxygen canisters and Michelin Man wetties across the planet. I found myself whispering to Renneker, “Every time the balloon goes up and that surf forecaster sends these guys off on another Pin-The-Tail-On-The-Donkey joust against a tsunami, it’s another 100 grand.”

As for the merits of the film itself I will state only that had Werner Herzog directed it, it would have been the best picture ever made about surfing. Herzog might have entitled it A Farewell To Arms and wrestled from the shamelessly commercial enterprise a statement on manhood that would have induced Hemingway to chuck his double-bore Holland and Holland in the woodpile and buy a Yamaha 4-stroke and impact vest.

Yet this is all by the way. The experience of seeing Storm Surfers 3D was noteworthy to me because it reminded me that back in 1986 I happened to be sitting out in the channel at Waimea Bay at the very moment Ross Clarke-Jones climbed into the big-wave pantheon. This was during the ASP Billabong contest, green-lighted on a December day when 30-foot close-out sets had impelled the event directors to nearly cancel the event that morning. Having arrived late to the beach – not that I would have ever considered having a ‘warm-up surf’ at the Bay on a close-out day – the first sight that greeted me was a set fringing across the entire bay, followed by my mate Robbie Bain frantically scouring the contestant gallery for someone to caddy him in the first heat. I immediately raised my hand, thinking that since I’d be sitting on the beach all morning waiting for my later heat, the best way to get a grip on things would be to get out the back and spoor that wooly old mastodon in its lair. Bainy reckoned that I could also caddy for Ross. As it seemed unlikely that both of them would get in trouble, I flippantly shrugged my assent, tied two leashes together and attached the resultant Gordian Knot of urethane to my borrowed Willis Bros. 9’6” single-fin (an hour earlier it had been half buried in red mud beneath Michael Willis’s house), and followed the boys out through the somewhat agitated keyhole on the north end of the bay and headed out to the lineup. A Brazilian bloke and four-time World Surfing Champion Mark Richards rounded out the four-man heat. Luke Egan was caddying for MR, so we settled into a cozy little spot athwart the 20-foot lineup and watched the ginormous (I was going to say ‘beastly, grunting’ but figured I would owe Nick Carroll a royalty) waves hammering the reef, beholding them with all the stilted joie de vivre of two young men who weren’t exactly sure whether they might be called into combat or were merely observing the artillery barrage from a forward post.

It was a beautiful day. The sea was smooth and cobalt blue. A gentle offshore breeze wafted out of the Waimea Valley smelling of plumeria. The lava point shuddered and throbbed like an enormous boom box with the detonation of each wave. The waves, Luke and I estimated, were about 85 feet.

The horn bleated and general-issue Contest Surfing, Normal ensued, the four surfers trading moderate-sized sets and looking as if they were actually enjoying themselves.

Then the seaward horizon disappeared. A cacophony of screeching spectators and howling car horns rose in a crescendo from the amphitheater formed by the beach and Kamehameha Highway flanking the bay. Water Patrolman “Squiddy” Sanchez came flying past Luke and I on a jet ski, yelling “Get the hell out of here!” And then there it was, marching in from the west, the fabled nightmare I’d read about in surfing magazines since I was a boy – a close-out set at Waimea! The entire mouth of the bay appeared to suddenly be boxed in by a mobile, tottering blue-black canyon wall.

I turned to Luke and bellowed, “Paddle for Haleiwa!”

The first wave of the set was a 30-footer. Luke and I barely made it over this one and were lost in the nearly black curtain of its spray as it reared up and went Ka-WHUMP! across the bay from point to point. Desperately trying to peer through this impenetrable mist as we scrambling seaward, we froze in horror as another even bigger wave materialized before us. Somehow Luke and I managed to make it over this one, too, and I remember the rollercoaster-drop tickle in my gut as we crested the fringing monster and dropped down its back.

At this point the only other surfer in the lineup was Mark Richards. He’d made it over the first couple of dumpers with us. Bainy and the Brazilian weren’t so fortunate. They had been keelhauled all the way to the sand and Bainy, a big fan of the Marbs, had nearly drowned. They were done. Ross Clark-Jones however had been inside after a ride and was gamely struggling back out toward the lineup. But that was a few minutes away.

Now, out the back, the offshore sea spray melted away to reveal Mark Richards in sole possession of the line-up at Waimea Bay facing the biggest rideable wave in a surfing competition since the 1974 Smirnoff Classic.

mr.jpgThis wave came marching in on the heels of the close-out set, massive and staggering as its boots began to drag on the reef, stunningly beautiful with a creamy turquoise glow churned into it by the effervescence wrought by the explosive close-out set. As it stood up in front of MR, Luke and I from our loge seats in the channel could clearly see the expression on his face. It was one of resolve. It was the classic Aussie Digger gene in full play. He didn’t like the looks of this wave, but goddam it he was going over the barbed wire straight at the machine gun nest.

When the wave crested Mark Richards sat up in his stirrups and wheeled his gun around and – just before he took his first pull – I clearly saw his eyes widen and his Adam’s Apple bounce in his throat. Car horns were blaring through the uproar of hooting spectators. Then the wave vaulted into an enormous green-blue cathedral as MR snapped to his feet and plummeted in free fall toward the trough. The barrel was enormous and terrifying to behold at close range, and ribbed with a series of side waves pulsing through it at right angles to the face – these were shock waves from the lips of the preceding close-out waves, lips that had detonated in the middle of the Bay just seconds before. MR made it to the bottom and unfolded into one of his classic knock-kneed bottom turns, the same sort of turn that had won him acclaim during his very first surf ever at Waimea, at age 17, in the 1974 Smirnoff Classic.

rcj.jpgAs MR disappeared from our view, next we watched Ross Clarke-Jones battle his way into the line-up and snag a similar Waimea gem, and the expression on his face said that he’d found his true calling, that after seasons of suffering in small slop on the circuit this was more like it. He went on the attack and by the time he stepped onto the sand at the end of the heat his reputation as a big wave charger was already being relayed on the coconut wireless.

Such was the North Shore of Oahu in the days before jet skis and towropes and prizes paid out like bounties on coyote pelts. Reputations born or enlarged; and reputations torn in shame (a number of ASP Top Sixteen pros were handed the White Feather when they withdrew from their heats on this day). For me however, an eyewitness at close range, while it was noteworthy to observe the very wave that began Ross Clarke-Jones’s career as a big wave surfer, my old fashioned tastes keep me coming back to Mark Richards and his tussle with the wave he later called ‘my biggest ever.’

You see, Richards later admitted that when facing that wave alone in the line-up he had known fear, but that he realized every single person of note in the international and North Shore surfing scene was clustered in the ultimate peanut gallery on the beach and cliffs. Like a gladiator at the very pit of the Coliseum, he was considering those thumbs-ups or thumbs-down verdicts. That was the mettle and make-up of the men from the Free Ride generation whom I followed into battle on the pro circuit. No skis, sleds, Mae West vests, Spare Air cylinders, and support teams. Just one man out the back in front of the entire surfing world facing the biggest wave he’d ever encountered. Not resting on the past laurels of four world titles. At nearly 30 years of age still determined to prove himself in surfing’s most fabled arena. That to me is a thousand times more heroic and dramatic than anything at Cortez Banks or Shipstern’s or wherever surfers grab the towrope.

I’ll never forget seeing Mark swallow his fear with a gulp visible from the channel before he sailed over the ledge on the biggest wave he would ever ride.

MR Would Go…..

//DAVE PARMENTER (visit Dave's website, Nowtro - Aleutian Juice Surfboards)

Comments

top-to-bottom-bells's picture
top-to-bottom-bells's picture
top-to-bottom-bells Tuesday, 4 Nov 2014 at 10:13am

Almir Salazar was the "Brazilian bloke" who went under the closeout set with Bainy. He still shapes and surfs in Brazil.

Coops70's picture
Coops70's picture
Coops70 Tuesday, 4 Nov 2014 at 10:23am

Just shows what a ledgend MR is

groundswell's picture
groundswell's picture
groundswell Tuesday, 4 Nov 2014 at 10:24am

Excellent story, so descriptive and well worded. Puts you right there out of breath and paddle strength!

zenagain's picture
zenagain's picture
zenagain Tuesday, 4 Nov 2014 at 10:32am

Love Parmenters writing. Bit flowery at times but strings a sentence together well. This article is no exception.

He did a great article on Wayne Lynch in Surfer a few years back and it seems that he has a genuine fondness for Aussies.

stunet's picture
stunet's picture
stunet Tuesday, 4 Nov 2014 at 10:36am

I recall a quote of his (at least I think it was his) written in the 80s: “Aussie surfers have 100 words for a vagina but wouldn’t know where the clitoris is.”

The first part is harsh but true. The second part, well, I don't know how he researched that.

Funny shit either way.

caml's picture
caml's picture
caml Tuesday, 4 Nov 2014 at 10:30am

Great story dave , not to mention rcj thought he was on an 8"6 only to find out later it was 7"10 if i remember correct . These types of stories and most of all nick carrols big surf magazine were read repeatedly right at the time in my life when i was impressionable . Always liked parmenters rebelious attitude too . Im still yet to see the storm surfers 3d movie tho. I think bainy quit ciggies that day too

thermalben's picture
thermalben's picture
thermalben Wednesday, 5 Nov 2014 at 10:24am

Just spoke to Ross, he said he was riding a 7'10 Dennis Pang. And he's still got the board too!

the-spleen's picture
the-spleen's picture
the-spleen Tuesday, 4 Nov 2014 at 10:47am

MR!

patrick keating's picture
patrick keating's picture
patrick keating Wednesday, 5 Nov 2014 at 9:37am

dave i felt i was there in the line up with you...great memories...in 1996 i stayed up at nor west ,,4 to 5 months with my wife and all those special people,,you know you were there i dragged my my tinnie behind my kombi,,,all the way from maleny queensland,,,my mate snake,,from gero..told me come over ,,,ride some real waves.....my 1st ,day perfect 4-8 ft centres ...snake and i had some great waves,,,i remember seeing you get some beautiful waves,,,took the tinnie out to some great waves in the north west..surfed a lot by myself on those outer reef breaks i remember you were staying with a guy i new peter clifford...

thermalben's picture
thermalben's picture
thermalben Wednesday, 5 Nov 2014 at 10:32am

Here's an image of Tom and his 8'0 DP Widow Maker from a few months ago (we had this board up on the wall in the Storm Surfers 3D HQ for filming.. what a weapon!). Tom writes:

"Brought my @aleutianjuice Dave Parmenter 8'0" Widow Maker (1995) out for her first run in over a decade yesterday afternoon at Back Bombie Long Reef. Like a true thoroughbred she scythed the lump and bump. Most importantly I recognise the artisan. Thank you Dave !! with rare mastery you sculpted this beauty, she showed up time and time again on the transition without a hitch...whoever looks at her in person is mesmerised, pretty cool to notice it happening."

thermalben's picture
thermalben's picture
thermalben Wednesday, 5 Nov 2014 at 11:37am

Here's the 7'10 Dennis Pang that Ross rode that day.. Ross pulled it out of the garage and took a snap for us this morning!

barley's picture
barley's picture
barley Wednesday, 5 Nov 2014 at 2:35pm

Legends all round!! how old was Louie?

thermalben's picture
thermalben's picture
thermalben Wednesday, 5 Nov 2014 at 3:37pm

Louie was born in January 1970, so that would have made him 15 or 16 (!) at the time (not sure what date the contest ran).

Blowin's picture
Blowin's picture
Blowin Wednesday, 5 Nov 2014 at 3:43pm

Great tale well told.
Parmenter's old " Everybody surfs " stories in Surfer magazine (?) were gold.
I swear the cunt is half Aussie.

memlasurf's picture
memlasurf's picture
memlasurf Wednesday, 5 Nov 2014 at 4:27pm

MR was basically retired by then I think. Amazing at the time we all thought he was old (30) and now Kelly is still going at 40. MR was and still is a legend. Great yarn in true (Australian?) sense of the word by an honourable yank.

stunet's picture
stunet's picture
stunet Wednesday, 5 Nov 2014 at 4:55pm

Keep an eye out on Swellnet for MR's take on this day.

memlasurf's picture
memlasurf's picture
memlasurf Wednesday, 5 Nov 2014 at 4:59pm

Look forward to it. I follow him on instagram and he always has something interesting to say about his past boards (and questionable board shorts).

caml's picture
caml's picture
caml Thursday, 6 Nov 2014 at 12:03am

Rcj riding a 7"10 board . How fuckin amazing . These days its 9"6-11ft board length at 25ft waimea bay . Undergunned but going for it full on

Craig's picture
Craig's picture
Craig Thursday, 6 Nov 2014 at 8:58am

Radical ay! Couldn't imagine chasing down 20ft waves with only a 7'10". Surfed the Queensy Bommie once and felt undergunned with a 7'10" haha!

caml's picture
caml's picture
caml Thursday, 6 Nov 2014 at 12:10am

That board isnt for waimea that was sick rcj how many times had he surfed da bay at that time of his life ? Later on winning the Eddie .

goofyfoot's picture
goofyfoot's picture
goofyfoot Sunday, 9 Jul 2017 at 9:01pm

Fark this is a epic yarn

udo's picture
udo's picture
udo Sunday, 9 Jul 2017 at 10:20pm

Shit yeahgood read, Dave surfed Namibia way back in 1993.

udo's picture
udo's picture
udo Sunday, 9 Jul 2017 at 10:30pm

Shit yeahgood read, Dave surfed Namibia way back in 1993.

goofyfoot's picture
goofyfoot's picture
goofyfoot Monday, 10 Jul 2017 at 9:45am

Skeleton bay?

stunet's picture
stunet's picture
stunet Monday, 10 Jul 2017 at 10:03am

Doubt it, or if he did it wouldn't have been like the Donkey Bay now.

Here's an overlay, 1992 shoreline in white dots, 2017 in black dots. At most the difference is ~ 100 metres, but more important is the jog in the coast that'd split the wave in two.

Reckon he would've gone to Swakopmund or the two points north of there. I've read a few stories of surfers travelling to them. Even think Bob Evans went through there for his film 'Drouyn'.

udo's picture
udo's picture
udo Monday, 10 Jul 2017 at 10:04am

Yep Skeleton bay...bit on his site about the type of board he rode.

stunet's picture
stunet's picture
stunet Monday, 10 Jul 2017 at 10:16am

"Flight-testing a 6’6" Stubb-Vector on the perfect, empty walls of a Skeleton Coast left point. "

The whole coast is called the Skeleton Coast, so not sure he's riding Donkey Bay AKA Skeleton Bay. 

Unless I'm missing something? (can't seem to click on the image)

goofyfoot's picture
goofyfoot's picture
goofyfoot Monday, 10 Jul 2017 at 10:49am

How's the nice gentle curve of the 2017 coastline. Beautiful
So in '92 you may have only got 1km rides instead of 2km... that sounds terrible ha ha ha