The Birth Of The Bronzed Aussies
Swellnet contributor, blindboy, glances back at one of the most bizarre yet prescient episodes in the history of professional surfing - the creation of the Bronzed Aussies.
The past is not so much a foreign country as a series of parallel universes diverging according to the memories of those attempting to recall it. Perhaps in the future, when every second of our existence is recorded from every angle and digitised into an unchangeable medium, there will be greater agreement about what actually happened, but even then no medium will ever record the emotional context, and brute facts rarely tell the whole story. This is how I remember it...
The winter of 76-77 on the North Shore of Oahu was a turning point in surfing history. Something died and something was born. The idea of soul surfing, of surfing as a spiritual or counter cultural activity, having been on the wane for several years, fell away to reveal a desperate desire to belong to the mainstream, "to be......", as the aspiring professionals would say with awful regularity, "......just like tennis or golf." Bunker died, Rabbit got severely beaten, drugs, money and guns changed hands in Rocky Point A-frames and the Bronzed Aussies emerged like some mutant half-formed dream of a future still a decade or more away.
I arrived to find the Australians confined to The Kuilima under threat of violence. PT, for reasons that I did not yet understand, had organised a room for me in one of the condos. I was safe within the perimeter. Yet it all seemed foolish beyond belief. I grew up in an area where there were always thugs around; people who would try to intimidate you, bash you or steal from you. Staying off their radar was something you learnt at an early age. A glance around the North Shore the previous year had convinced me that, while the thuggery was more intense, the mentality was essentially the same. The criminality of the Waikiki area had, and probably still does have, tentacles deep into the North Shore surfing culture but, at that time anyway, if you kept your eyes open and your mouth shut, it was easy to avoid.
To be fair the intense competitive desire of that generation of Australian surfers was something I always struggled to understand. A back window always seemed a better way of getting in than busting down the door, but I never planned on owning the house anyway. In the circumstances what was happening around me seemed like a production from the theatre of the absurd but, if there was to be a show, I was happy to sit in the audience and watch while Vladimir, Estragon, Ponzo and Lucky - cast them as you like - strutted their stuff.
There were real advantages to being off stage. Once the drama was over it was possible to surf with a degree of anonymity. The vast majority of the locals were welcoming if you demonstrated competence and respect. After a couple of weeks I found myself getting called into waves at Sunset. Later on in the season, on crowded days, I used to regularly share waves with a couple of kids at Rocky Lefts. We would just do go-behinds all the way down the line and collapse in laughter if one of us mistimed the cutback and we landed in a tangled heap together. For me that was the North Shore, great waves and cool people.
I can't remember who first mentioned the Bronzed Aussie concept to me. It may have been PT or Mark Warren. I just remember being appalled at the name and mystified at the concept. I could understand professional surfing on the level of the individual and I could understand surfing companies. What they were proposing seemed to fall into a vacuum between those entities. A surfing team made no sense since there were no team contests and if they were starting a business, why not just say so?
Then there was the timing. Whatever interpretation you chose to place on the events of the early season it was clear that a significant section of the local surfing community were extremely pissed off with the aggressive, highly competitive attitudes of the Australians. To announce a new group that glorified that culture on the North Shore after what had happened seemed at best insensitive and at worst, contemptuous.
I had done a little work for Surfing magazine and come to know Dan Merkel reasonably well but I was still surprised when he asked me to go out at Off The Wall so he could get a photo of me "for their files". It was the full front lit circus. I had packed up my own camera with the intention of finding somewhere less crowded for a surf and was reluctant, but he insisted.
I sat there for a while watching Shaun Tomson get wave after wave. I thought if I waited long enough he would eventually let me have one, but I was wrong. I took off well inside, he dropped in and I decided to find somewhere else to surf. Merkel told me he got a shot of me straightening out. I suppose they may still have it in their files. The most memorable part of the experience though, was what Shaun said to me the next time I saw him. "You know that was really my wave!" I was speechless at such a complete absence of self-awareness. I had been surfing with the locals for two months by then and had never experienced that kind of blatant drop in.
A few days after that, Mark Warren, who I had known for many years, said we should have a meal together one night in Haleiwa. He offered to give me a lift but when I climbed into the back seat PT and Mike Hurst were there also. I hadn't met Mike before, though I knew he was going to be the Bronzed Aussies manager. He didn't really make a good impression as he seemed to know very little about surfing, but wanted to talk about it anyway. By that time I should have been able to see the picture, after all there were only a few pieces in the jigsaw, but I was on a different wavelength, surfing, taking a few photos, partying. Business was the last thing on my mind. But I listened all the way to Haleiwa, and the longer I listened, the less sense it made.
The punch-line came a few days later when I was asked to write a short piece on the Bronzed Aussies for Surfing Magazine. It, very belatedly, became clear: the room at The Kuilima, Merkel's desire to take my photo, the invitation to dinner and the various compliments PT had made about my writing. They had known I would be asked to write that piece.
In retrospect I should probably have just refused. A blunt statement of what I really thought may have been preferable to dissembling but I didn't need to go there at all. I'm not sure why I did. Some vague, misplaced notion of integrity, mixed with resentment at their attempts to manipulate me, is my best guess. The reality was that I could only respond from gut feeling. I had no business experience and little or no interest in the embryonic "industry". So I wrote exactly what I thought which was probably unnecessarily blunt. I was just about over the surf journo thing by then anyway. The contests were tiresome, the money was pathetic and the culture had warped in a direction I had no desire to go, so the following year, when Surfing Magazine sounded me out for a job, I expressed no interest.
//blindboy
Comments
Any link to the article?
It's kind of necessary.
Sorry freeride. I don't think it is online and I don't have a copy.
Good article BB and certainly shows the arrogance of the Bustin Down the Door crew,the boys certainly thought there shit didnt stink.Thats the problem with trying to make money out of something you love,theres always a price to be paid.
Your'e still deluding me BlindBoy, Lol,
I know its not Bob Dylan, whose nick name was apparently BlindBoy.
He could write as well.
Should I? Why not. I met some of those guys the year before when they came over to SA for the Aussie Titles. I was paddling out at usual crappy Middleton and heard all this screaming and yelling. Mark Warren was telling some local guys to fuck off out of the water, complaining that he was trying to practise for the comp. He looked over at me some distance away and squawked at me that I could fuck off too. So I did. I left the area I was in, and hassled the living fuck out of him till he went in. Poor Peter Victorsen. When the jockey like pipsqueak left, he was squawking all sorts of 'we' will this and that threats. That night in the Hotel Victor, (again, there is a God), lo and behold, there they are, a pack of the squirts, warren, townsend and some other runt, all thinking that a slightly bigger, flabby guy, almost average sized, the mighty 'kanga' was gonna save them. They were all trying to chat up a couple of local girls, one in particular holding their attention. It was a dream scenario. So I asked the girls, her in particular, if they were actually serious about having anything to do with these sawn off geeks, all dolled up in their flairs and surf outfits of bangles and beads and baubles. The girls were pissing themselves, and marky's pack blew it and took the bait, and to save face, tried a few sneers and squawks and puff ups. I reminded him about the arvo's fiasco, and if there was anything he wanted to sort out. You might think I'm a jerk relating this, but who cares, and I remind you, warren is the geek mouthing off telling people, strangers, locals, to fuck off. After making him grovel and apologise, townsy freaked and ran off in a jangle of beads and bangles and baubles, and flapping flairs, the other pip squeak bolted too, 'kango' shut the fuck up and bolted to his hot monaro, and the girls pissed themselves even more.
But it got even better and some time later, I was training at Adelaide Sports Science Clinic at Hindmarsh, and (again there is a God) to my amasement in strutted the jockey squad, this time led by 'bugs', decked out in the most ludicrous apparrell ever created by modern man... into a full gym of athletes, footy players, including women, etc. I won't go into the details, but it was hilarious, and they quickly fled, flairs and lips flapping in the wind shortly after.
I know many surfers will hate this and want a different, surf mag version. So, ok, they were a bunch of big, hard nut super athletes that cleared the water of all and sundry, took over the local pub, and put all the top athletes to shame. Big fuckers too! And wazzas a top bloke, big cunt too!
Probably a pretty much accurate description of what was going on back then by upskirt, the attitude of the comp heads was worse than any localism, saw a very ugly incident involving Mark Warren and Bruce Raymond in the 70's when they wanted their way in the 70's, actually turned a few crew that could not have cared less into hardcore locals.
Ha there you go got it in the right spot.
Sorry Blindboy could not read your article, to long, don't have the attention span.
No worries, Blindboy.........I'm just old enough to have vague memories of it.
Gidday lads. Thanks for reading me story. I know many of yous hated it and want a diffrent version, or the truth, as some people call it, but I wouldn't know that if it bit me on the arse. Speaking of which, did I ever tell you about the time I met Don Dunstan at the gym? No? Well, gather round.
Aha, success! We've awoken the gimp! And, not a moment too soon! Even though you may presently curse and hate me stray gimp and sidekicks, the plan will unfold soon enough.
As those guiding pro surfing struggle to build on the ludicrous foundation, the very roots of the activity:
http://encyclopediaofsurfing.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/Bronzed_Auss...
http://encyclopediaofsurfing.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/Bronzed_Auss...
and leap into the new millenium, with the rivetted public in tow, I have yet again been at the coalface, and unearthed a new saviour. Whilst you may think of yourself as nothing but a scrawny, pint sized little gimp gateso, I'm sure the drivers of pro surfing will see the light, and yes, you gateso, will be presented and marketed as not any old useless, scrawny, little pint sized gimp, but you will become... THE ELITE, THE ONE AND ONLY...
THE BRONZED GIMP!
Modern, aggressive marketing will prevail, and THE BRONZED GIMP, no in fact THE ELITE BRONZED GIMP, will save the day. Before the public knows what hit em!
Again, as for my small, yet once again significant, at the coalface part, I ask for nothing in return. I actually view it as a trade off, in fact, according to some others, a planet saving gesture.
The photos on those links are brilliant, thanks for lightening up my day!
Links are dead.
The domain has changed to 'eos.surf' and it's all behind a paywall now - albeit one well worth forking out to enter.
Thanks Stu
There are some free vids on there, the 68 men's and women's world championships is a good one, interesting seeing the transition of boards from 10' to 6'
Guys on mini mal types to Reno on a 6 footer, looking super modern for the time, all surfing in the same comp.
Great piece of history, Al Byrne, Wayne Lynch, Midget, Phyllis O Donnell... and Russell Hughes who I thought might be related to Howard Hughes from Vic but I don't think he is.
Variety of shapes, no leggy swim ins, and not a single sponsor's decal in the whole 30 min footage. Fucking rad.
https://eos.surf/video/entry/world-surfing-championships-1968/
For someone born after that time I love seeing the history.
And Fred Hemmings doing switch foot twirls
https://eos.surf/video/entry/fred-hemmings/
Boy you guys add another dimension to this forum,very entertaining and funny at times.
The idea that the history of surfing can be rewritten by the corporations is the worst angle in this whole confused mess.
This issue really bubbled up with the overdose if Andy Irons - the same pattern of selective release of information and spin took over but now we can learn that this is the way this professional sport has evolved from it's start.
I mean really you'd think surfing started in 1976 according to some as they polish the corporate history to just the right shine.
In the 1970s I think the other significant figure if he can be so addressed is Albert Falzon.With the work he did with Morning of the Earth he popularised an alternative as BB mentions in this article. The tension between these two schools of thought is always sparking little conflicts even now .
I might add that some context for the Hawaiian situation would help.......I only visited there recently and was startled by the way the place has developed......how to put this ? The Hawaiians look to have been dispossessed by the USA.
How much racist behaviour was there in the behaviour of the visitors? There could be parallels with the indigenous dispossession here in Aust perhaps?
The whole "friendly " locals vibe appears to be based on some wish fulfilment rather than asking the locals what they think. Again the "Pro" surfing myth makers need this to be presented a harmonious situation so loads of pap gets served up in the surfing media .
Even now, thirty-something years after the fact, I'm mystified by the Bronzed Aussies. The 70s were an era where machismo overflowed so a lowering of the vibe would seem a good thing yet the BS's went all the way the other way; their image was fruity cartoonish. Who exactly were they trying to appeal to? If there was a nudge and a wink and a dash of irony I'd understand. But no, they were pink and blonde and campish and serious.
Good surfers though.
can anybody recall ; PT said I like to hang out with movie stars [jan Michael Vincent] or racecar drivers [james hunt] and be respected by them on there level. it was something along those lines ??
Pretty sure that was Rabbit but yeah something like that was said. More inferring that Surfing should hold a status greater than being seen as pot smoking hippies or beer swilling morons with no dreams or aspirations.
"Bronzed Aussies" Sounds like a good name for a float at the Sydney Mardi Gras.....
I could imagine all three of them on the float tossing off in their budgie smugglers.......
The "Bronzed Aussies" was originally coined by the Australian Surf Lifesaving Clubs years before PT and his crew used it.
I'm guessing that mark warrens atlas of surfing didn't go down too well then at the time not only due to the obvious but due to the author's rep? interesting read BB and some funny, revealing comments... and i thought hipsters was a modern phenomena..
Agree with Uplift, "Punch ya fuckin' head in" Cairns was a prick. While lodging at Yallingup WA in 1968 I dared to lock my room to go surfing down South and do some "hay baling" for a few bucks a day. I mean all that camera gear and they couldn't get in, what was I thinking?
At Narra Alley left, paddled out with MP who was staying at my place for the "Surfabout" contest, Lopez and Reno (introduced by MP - thanks ol' mate) for a free surf. Warren and Fitzgerald were out and started giving lip as I paddled deeper than all of them. MP just gave it to them, a verbal tirade of epic proportions. Of course being seasoned by Voodoo Reef, the alley was a walk in the park and Mick knew it but Warren actually attempted a drop in. Bad mistake, came out of the pit near upside down arcing into a cutback an inch from his rail hosing him off his board.
OK enough "arcing" ... point is Michael had introduced me to quite a few that day, all were normal, shook hands a chatted but not these clowns?
I've known PT on the other hand and by himself a nice guy with ideas. He talked about kicking this off around '74 with the "team" idea being if any of the three won it would help progress the 'Bronzed Aussies" brand(?) or whatever it was supposed to be, so big waves Cairns, barrels himself and ... we'll ... MONEY I'm guessing! Mark Warren couldn't win a major if his life depended on it so that's where Rabbit came in. He was younger (and dumber) than the rest so just a learning curve and he did make mistakes ... but back then he wasn't alone on that front!
You agree with Uplift?? Of course you do....
"paddled out with MP who was staying at my place"
"as I paddled deeper than all of them"
"Of course being seasoned by Voodoo Reef, the alley was a walk in the park"
"came out of the pit near upside down arcing into a cutback an inch from his rail hosing him off his board."
Where do you storytellers come from??
Why would someone post something that can't be confirmed? They would come out looking like idiots. Yes it happened and yes all true, there are many that will confirm it but who gives a flying fuck?
Here's a little story that can also be confirmed and not entirely off topic as it relates to money and surfing ...
December 1972 D'bah car park, a Kombi pulls up and the driver calls me in. He asks me if I can lend him a couple of hundred bucks because he wants to make boardshorts in his garage, he'll do the templates and his wife will sew. Says "I can sell them in Sydney, he'll cover Qld local". As Platt, Kream and others had cornered the market by then I wasn't interested besides I was living with Tommy and Michael Peterson at "Bellbird" behind Kirra travelling with MP to surf North Coast on a near daily basis. "Boardshorts? That's a dumb idea Greasy ... never happen!". He then gives me a list of names for the company and we agree to a name ... Billabong.
Cool! Reminds me of the time I was backpacking around Florida in the late-60s. Was down near Cape Canaveral and a car pulled up and asked if I wanted a lift. "No," I said to the driver, Neil Armstrong.
I knew Neil from around town, sharp dresser, had a knack for pithy epithets. In the back was Buzz Aldrin and another guy. I could see they were in a hurry so I waved them on.
And that is how I almost went to the moon.
Doubt you would have fitted into the capsule anyway, only seats three I heard. On the other hand I'd known Gordon Merchant for a long time by then and like any business venture it's whether you're prepared to invest every last cent and gamble. I'd worked a long shut at the Oil for that money. Just goes to show the dumbest ideas sometimes work out ... sorta like the Bronzed Aussies.
"Where do you storytellers come from??" Answer, experience.
Good point though and remember. you asked!
The "Free Surfer' -vs- "Bronzed Aussie" mentality brings to mind hat many top surfers of that era choosing not to compete.
The fallacious argument "Only skilled surfers compete, you didn't compete, you aren't a skilled surfer" just doesn't wash either. Contests were heavily biased on favouritism and/or localism rather than skill, prize money was minimal, so why bother? Nowdays with the big bucks, well worth the effort and another story.
Want an example that you'll really love? No? Bad luck as it relates to favouritism, localism and Bronzed Aussies.
Competition (Regionals maybe?) to decide who goes to Margret River for the Oz titles and represent Qld. MP gets me wild carded in only if meeting the criteria I had lived in Qld "long" enough and agreed to represent Qld and that ALL contestants agreed. No-one disagreed (that says a lot about the surfers in that era) plus I'd been living there for several months, so, by unanimous decision was accepted.
Now, as luck would have it, the only wave surfable that day was a left. Lucked it and yep, made the final with MP, PT, Rabbit, Wayne Dean and Paul Neilson.
Ooops, I ended up winning. It was simply backhand surfing that the Queenslanders were not used too for obvious reasons having mainly rights all the time. Had it been Kirra or Snapper I wouldn't have passed the first heat.
Of course I was disqualified as the officials went totally against any agreement that was "accepted" by all competitors and officials in the first place.
Surprisingly, every competitor came to the fore (again) and argued I was entitled to the win with Rabbit and "Bronzed Aussie" Peter Townend (and MP obviously) being the most vocal in "winning fair and square" and so on. Screw that, I was so excited only to be crushed by some "ain't never been" liar and cheat so I took the Albe Falzon M.O.T.E. path.
Bottom line ... one would have to at least give the Bronzed Aussies some credit for breaking down some of the barriers imposed by moronic, lying, cheating event co-ordinators and officials and surfing is now a recognised sport. and sticking up for me!
There ya go, enjoy that one?
surfing-cronulla I was first reserve for the NSW team to go to Margaret River that year but the cash ran out so I stayed home to work and fund the next trip.
That's the thing, we had to pay individually and I certainly didn't have the bucks back then either.
Dunno, but's it's good reading.
Did you ever get a root in the seventies Uplift?
Now of course I realise that this is obviously a rhetorical question, but for the benefit of others on here (and of course my over-inflated ego) let me elaborate.
So anyway, not only was I (and still am actually) the fittest, strongest and toughest fucker (and best basketballer in Elliston- buts that a story for another time) I was (am) the biggest stud in sa. So yes of course I got roots and lots of them. I'll go into a bit more detail about that night in hotel victor. So I walk up to these pretty ladies and say "what youse doing with these scrawny runts, when if you beg me (which they did) I'll root youse. Yeah so these scrawny pricks and kango start squawking and crying and carrying on, say I fully show them up in front of these girls. I say pffft, pipeline, that place is for pussies, I know I could surf it, but I just don't want to, I'd rather surf the heaviest most challenging wave around - bl**ks. I'm fully the man out there when it's 3ft, even though I do seem to go missing when the swell gets up, but I do always have a very good totally plausible excuse for missing the swell - you know, like training for an even bigger swell. Anyway, so the girls start laughing at these scrawny pricks and making fun of them. "Haha, pipeline, you little girls can't even charge bl**ks when it's 3ft" they then begged me to stop making fun of them and the girls begged me to take them home. All 3 of them. What's a guy to do? Have I ever mentioned that I was the best basketballer in Elliston? Could have went pro, but just didn't want to. Too busy charging 3ft, oh and I only missed the big days because I was too busy training for an even bigger cleaner day.
Well written Blindboy. Surfing history will have as many versions of particular eras as there are surfers around at the time but I believe 99 per cent of surfers of that era would be on board with you. Must be embarrassing even for the Bronzed Aussies to look back at it now.
I spoke to my shaper who was in Hawaii in that era and he said Geoff Hackman and all the Hawaiians he met were mega macho but pretty cool as was MP. Ian Cairns and the Bronzed tools on the other hand were a pack of arseholes. Wouldn't say hello, dismissive, arrogant, all of the above. He also said the amount of Coke (not the drink) flowing into the place was ridiculous. He wonders if any contest won in the 70's in Hawaii was drug free. I bet the ASP don't want to hear about that. I am not sure why they need to ignore reality? It happened why not get it out in the open. How many contests did Andy win coked out or is that a taboo subject?
Your shaper buddy hit the nail on the head. The Bronzed tools definitely played the straight card, had good ol' Fred Hemings (Contest Director then) fooled with PT carrying a bible around singing Cat Stevens' "Get out the Good Book Now" as he walked around. It was funny when PT told me at '04 Quikkie Pro that he kept his "stash" in it like "Who's gonna check a bible?" Give him that one!
Mark Warren was very well accepted in Hawaii by a whole range of people and was particularly close to Bobby Owens, Mark Foo and that crowd. He was, and presumably still is, a pretty friendly character and one of the most unlikely people I can think of to deliberately snub anyone. He was also very much anti-drug from his early days working with Geoff McCoy. If you are implying he was some kind of closet coke freak, well anything is possible, but THAT stretches my powers of belief. He also went on to win a Duke Contest which is pretty powerful evidence of his acceptance in Hawaii.
Yes your right to pull me up on that one. It was a scattergun comment I should have been more specific and singled out Ian Cairns as king bronzed tool (still is by the sound of him anytime he is interviewed) and to a lesser extent Townend. Someone who did win the Pipe contest coked out was Michael Ho with his broken arm. Took a big snort before he went out apparently. My shaper maintains that there was absolute truck loads of the stuff in Hawaii and California at the time - cheap and great quality. He had never seen anything like it and had to leave and come back to Oz in order to survive. Just way too addictive so says he.
I feel I should say at this stage that I surfed extensively with Mark Warren in a wide variety of locations and I never saw him behave aggressively in or out of the water. I had less contact with PT but can say the same thing about him. They were both highly competitive and would catch plenty of waves but, in my experience, were never guilty of intimidating behaviour or of an excessive drop in count.
Blindboy, are you sure the seed of your discontent isn't the green monster? That deep, down inside you really wanted to be a Bronzed Aussie and not merely a documenter of them??
Uummmmm
Gidday Freeride. Root? Did I get a root? In the 70s? Yeah, I got rooted, all right. You betcha I did. Good of you to ask. Root, root, root, root. That’s pretty much all I got. Sorry, did. It was hilarious. Absolutely pissed meself. Many of the roots were breathin’, too. Some of them said they weren’t, but I reckon they were bloody liars.
OMG WHAT A PACK OF WANKERS!!!!!!
WTF was that all about? Seems awful weird to dress up an apology/explanation for a small intended audience as an actual article. Why not just contact the people you want directly and save the public airing of laundry?
Also seems odd to shit talk so many high profile people while remaining anonymous.
But...but, this is the internet.
Haha! I know, I almost began that post with "Fuck the internet is weird sometimes..."
But I thought the referral to authority that's in this article - Listen up people, shit went down in the 70s and I was there; in the car, in the restaurant and in the condo, that pretentious South African even dropped in on me - might have merited some disclosure
blindboy has posted his identity on this site before ? I thought we all new his true identity ?
anonymous ?
Oh, and Freeride, thanks for taking me seriously. No one else on this bloody site does. Appreciate it.
I was asking Uplift, but anyhows.......
Excuse my ignorance but the photo at the top of the thread, would not know who they are but hands on their hipsters, looking a little lighthearted and carefree to say the least.
Lets have a 70's story off !
Sure theres plenty more to come.
freeride76 wrote:Did you ever get a root in the seventies Uplift?
Now of course I realise that this is obviously a rhetorical question, but for the benefit of others on here (and of course my over-inflated ego) let me elaborate.
So anyway, not only was I (and still am actually) the fittest, strongest and toughest fucker (and best basketballer in Elliston- buts that a story for another time) I was (am) the biggest stud in sa. So yes of course I got roots and lots of them. I'll go into a bit more detail about that night in hotel victor. So I walk up to these pretty ladies and say "what youse doing with these scrawny runts, when if you beg me (which they did) I'll root youse. Yeah so these scrawny pricks and kango start squawking and crying and carrying on, say I fully show them up in front of these girls. I say pffft, pipeline, that place is for pussies, I know I could surf it, but I just don't want to, I'd rather surf the heaviest most challenging wave around - bl**ks. I'm fully the man out there when it's 3ft, even though I do seem to go missing when the swell gets up, but I do always have a very good totally plausible excuse for missing the swell - you know, like training for an even bigger swell. Anyway, so the girls start laughing at these scrawny pricks and making fun of them. "Haha, pipeline, you little girls can't even charge bl**ks when it's 3ft" they then begged me to stop making fun of them and the girls begged me to take them home. All 3 of them. What's a guy to do? Have I ever mentioned that I was the best basketballer in Elliston? Could have went pro, but just didn't want to. Too busy charging 3ft, oh and I only missed the big days because I was too busy training for an even bigger cleaner day.
Have another snort groges.
I tried to leave that bit out freeride, so as to leave wazza and the jockey squad with some, no matter how undeserved or miniscule, sceric of dignity. Plus as you can clearly see, that stuff is pretty much what sends THE BRONZED GIMP and his ludicrous sidekicks, ala groges, into a frenzy. Life is cruel enough to the scrawny, useless tiny little fuckers as it is. On top of that, for years, and years, and years, and years, and years... what to them must seem an endless eternity, they have had to helplessly skulk and snivle in the background whilst relentlessly watching me, just a big, muscular, humble, raw boned, good looking bloke, shredding on all fronts.
But as I have been (in the same vein as Lynchy) pressed to answer beyond resistance, I will come out of hiding and answer, a resounding, yet simultaneously humble yes. Never in doubt. Not that that particular occasion was any great achievement. Say what you's will, but the indisputable reality is this. Impossible, implausible, even for those scientifically swayed, illogical as it seems, I have not in any way retouched or photo shopped those two ludicrous photos of wazza's jockey squad ringleaders. And what's more, as is common knowledge, those ridiculous get ups, and presence, as ludicrous as they are, are actually tame compared to what they were mostly parading around in and like. Maybe some of you guys think thats a ticket to a womens heart or bedroom, and if so, God help you. I even think that any self respecting woman would even resort to choosing the likes of the scrawny, useless, tiny little yet ELITE BRONZED GIMP, and his scrawny, useless, tiny little sidekicks, plus chubby ones, over that debacle. OK maybe that's stretching it just too far.
But again never in doubt freeride. I mean, have a long hard look at the fucking photos. And once again, believe it or not it got even worse. To top it off, kango was even fanging up and down the main street in his hotted up orange monaro doing burnouts all night, thinking that would score some points. I know you think, fuuuuuuck oooorf Uplift what a load of bullshit, but do your homework, its actually, unbelievably fucking true. This ludicrously momentous night, which I actually wanted no part of, which up until now I have been very reclusive about, was the birth of 'Pro Surfing', as we know it.
By the way, beautiful bit of back stroking blinder.
Gidday. yep, it's true. I got many roots in the 70s, and many of em were breathin, or at least their seeing eye dogs were.
Sadly, it's been a bit of a dry spell ever since.
bronzed aussies, warren, townend and cairns, warren quits and is replaced by horan then jim banks joins ? and sometime later steve jones ? according to encyclopedia of surfing.
jim banks left the bronzed aussies ,stating there dictatorial rules and strictures slowed down my surfing.
Hey Stu . could you re-fresh me > who is Blindboy? Some disclosure is warranted. BTW was just DS at Margies contest and hear a Ian Cairns biography may be in the pipeline. By the looks of this thread its bound to generate some bile?
RR ask around, it's no great secret but I don't want my name up on the site for reasons to do with my employment.
RR,
He's a former surf industry playa who went into self-imposed exile for two decades before surfacing in Swellnet's basement. I haven't worked up the courage to ask his name yet, however he drops the odd clue to his past here and there.
Could it be the same person that needed a "few" bucks to keep his business intact and tried a "shortcut" and was caught? Can't recall his name but Greeny told me the story, if it's the same guy that is?
Not me but I know who you are thinking of.
Not me either.
Stu knows who.