Wavepool Proposal Definitely Has Toonalook’s Best Interests At Heart
From Sean St. Hubbins
Business Development Manager for The Utopia Wave Constructions Company
Dear Friends,
It is with what I believe is termed a great deal of ‘Stoke’ that I stand before you noble citizens to announce that your lives are set to be enriched beyond measure with the development of ToonaTopia – a great big Wave Pool and Eco Residential/Tourism precinct, right here in Toonalook.
Without exception, everyone and everything that’s ever been associated with Toona stands to benefit in extraordinary ways from this project.
From local businesses to the Indigenous custodians of this land; from the smallest fishlet that spawns in the upper reaches of the Toona Estuary to the Brahminy Kites that nest in the under-utilised wetlands we’re committed to enhancing; from the single-parent-family-true-blue-battlers to the child aching to spend a moment in front of an environmental education video in a gift shop before becoming distracted by the inflatable pool-toy-jetski – ToonaTopia is unambiguously a profound win all round for any life form, eco-system, or indeed inanimate object within a hundred, no, a THOUSAND mile radius of Toonalook, vibrant regional city of the future.
What’s truly remarkable (and modesty has always precluded us from saying it out loud, but it must be stated) is the fact that the motivation for this development has absolutely NOTHING to do with our desire – as developers – to profit in any way from this exercise.
We’re purely motivated by altruistic love. Our goal is simply to leave the world better than we found it.
The idea that we’re somehow driven by a desire to gain further wealth for ourselves is, quite frankly, puzzling and abhorrent.
To be clear: when we go on about our “extensive community consultation”; or the notion we’re single-handedly rescuing Toona from pandemic-fuelled economic obliteration like some kindly knight in shining armour; or about how, over the life of this project, we’ll be creating a thousand, no, make that TEN THOUSAND jobs; how this will make Toona a tourism magnet, (one hardly need state the wonderful effects of more humans in the area); and finally how we’re actually making Nature even MORE Natural by sheer alchemy… I want you to always keep in mind – as we earnestly detail these selfless, charitable and philanthropic works – that we never once mention any profit motive or self interest, quite simply because, honestly, nothing could be further from our minds.
It’s just not why we, as Developers, are in this game!
Upsettingly, I have heard murmurs critiquing the system of commerce that makes the good work of the Developer possible. Chinese whispers from the Small Minority contending that “capitalism” somehow facilitates a bias in favour of those with the means to perpetuate and exploit that imbalance for their own ongoing gain.
Friends – and I feel I can call you friends, having been in your warm community embrace for several hours now – I barely know where to begin dismantling this flimsy argument! An argument rendered powerless by the fact that self-interest and the desire to acquire wealth and power at the expense of others has never acquired a foothold in the evolutionary makeup of mankind!
And believe me, I know my stuff when it comes to what makes us tick: indeed, it was as a young, idealistic philosophy student that reading the works of Plato, Marcus Aurelius, and Bertrand Russell set me on the path to this vocation.
To underscore my – and my colleagues’ – selfless love for all, I direct your attention to our ToonaTopia promotional videos: As well as featuring surfers of all abilities and ethnicities, it also notably features a skilled amputee surfer and a pair of mildly impaired children being pushed into gentle rollers.
I ask you, why would we bother with all this development, these bulldozers and concrete trucks if not simply to support these plucky youngsters?
I would say again that in NO WAY are we exploiting these children, or being in any way next-level-evil emotionally manipulative by using footage of disabled kiddies having the time of their lives in the shallow end of the pool to make us appear, what, like some kind of kindly benefactor?
Quite frankly I’m disgusted by the inference here.
I also find it personally hurtful that the same Small Minority of people raise questions about the resources and energy required to create each wave.
Again, I direct the Small Minority to our informative and educational website. Click on the prominent ‘Environment’ tab. Are you not reassured by the green tones we have used in the background? The fact that the residential component is described as an Eco-Village, and the tourist accommodations are Eco-Lodges? How much more evidence does anyone need? Can you not see that we have also sprinkled exotic green buzzwords through our text? Surely our use of terminology-you-need-to-Google demonstrates the depth of our commitment to the planet.
Any developer who uses the term ‘Riparian Wetlands’ surely knows their stuff, no?
And to further underscore these principles, our logo will have a soothing eco/greeny-blue/organic feel. The branding alone will make the giant foil – ceaselessly drawn back and forth the length of the pool like some dystopian Samuel Beckett play – Carbon Positive.
Look, I wasn’t going to mention this, but it’s a little-known fact that the joyful vibrations (experienced every time a ToonaTopia wave is ridden) are released into the atmosphere, where they bond with the ozone layer to form a robust shield that may deter potential alien attack. I’m not saying threat of alien invasion is imminent. Far be it for me to trade in fear. Lord no! (That said, I do believe it’s our global moral imperative to build a network of these anti-bad-vibe-good-vibe-warrior-Earth-saving devices as soon as possible.)
But that’s just me. That’s just how much I care. Sue me.
On an administrative note, I have to announce local surfer Barry Cornell is no longer a Utopia Wave Co ToonaTopia Goodwill Ambassador. Barry was fully on board with the concept from the get-go, and in fact, as the sole interview subject of our extensive community consultation, played a pivotal role in encouraging us to be here. Regrettably, Mr Cornell has undergone a change of heart upon learning that surfers other than himself would be allowed access to the facility.
Hugs to all,
// SEAN ST. HUBBINS
Ding Alley is Illustrator David @maccatoons McArthur and writerer Gra Murdoch who realised Wayne Bartholomew was destined for well-deserved greatness one Thursday “Dollar Night” at Coolangatta’s Patch, circa ‘89, when he approached the ’78 World Champ for help securing one final Bourbon. Bugs emptied his wallet on the counter and they counted out his remaining five cent pieces – no small feat for two men in advanced states of refreshment – until the necessary dollar was reached, at which moment Rab yelled, in a heartfelt but not unfriendly manner, with his eyes closed: “There ya go mate, now FUCK OFF!”
Comments
"under-utilised wetlands".
The ironing is delicious.
Was going to comment on that one too, very topical.
Hope I'm not out of line by drawing attention to an ongoing issue in Moreton Bay, where Walker Corporation plans to build a marina, hotel, shops and more than 3,000 apartments on 40 ha of publicly-owned RAMSAR-listed wetland in Moreton Bay Marine Park.
https://www.change.org/p/tell-the-australian-environment-minister-queens...
hey Andy. I signed it. I'm cynical as to whether it's going to make any difference at all. I hope I'm wrong. But I think that at the rate we are going as a species we won't make past my generation let alone to the next. There's no shortage of ways we can fuck the planet. I'm going down with this sinking ship along with everyone. There is no hope. I just don't see it. Sorry to be the debbie downer
I think there is hope. God sent Trump from heaven to Make America Great Again and we are unofficially part of America. Have faith in Trump. MAGA.
Hell yeah America. Thanks for cheering me up mate. My hope has been restored
Kanye for president. Next. After Trump....
Yes, the problem America has is that anyone that would be smart enough to be president, is smart enough not to want to be president.
GOLD
Paging Andrew Stark.
Just noticed the tail snaking out from behind the desk.
And the background colouring too! Haha.
Was going to pull out my favorite quote but the whole thing is spot on - my personal fave this one speaks to so many truths in today's market driven society.
Love the attention to detail in that image, yes teh tail and wall imaging, especially the power point socket being "upside down" ie not orstralien
Great take on property developers, but do we have to associate wave pools with a negative environmental impact? [or is this a specific parody of the proposed Sunshine coast KSWC pool?]
The problem is greedy property developers, NOT the wave pool (or people who want to surf them]
We need to stop being negative about wave pools and man-made reefs as we ran out of uncrowded surf a LONG time ago, and it's only going to get worse
How can wave pools have anything but a negative environmental impact?
Serious question.
Good question. :) I agree Pools have a negative environmental impact, but almost everything humans do have negative environmental impacts. Our Houses, our roads, our cars, our products, our food. Not sure any of us can claim to not harm the environment through our simple daily lives so I think it's more about making the least amount of large negative impact whilst getting on with our modern lives.
So rather than put the pool in an environmentally sensitive wetland [which I agree is a stupid idea]....just put it in a more appropriate place. Seems the Melbourne pool did not need to destroy a wetland to make their wave pool?
I just can't agree with the "we already do damage so a little more is ok" argument.
Personally I think that water evaporation and also power consumption are enough to make them unacceptable, never mind any land clearing.
Powered from Renewable power = much better than your car
Evaporation - Simply put them indoors
Land clearing - don't need to as there is already plenty of vacant previously cleared land available. [Look at the recent re-configuration of the palm springs pool in USA
All your problems solved - now lets go surfing :)
I know life is not that straight forward but I feel there is a big difference between the KSWC pool and the palm springs pool... Size is the biggest issue and I am totally against large pools as they make no sense.
The smaller pools are however no different to the size of a normal municipal swimming pool, and no one complains about those.
The PSSC pool is a scale model. It is intended to be scaled up to facilitate larger waves and as such will require more space.
I'm not completely averse to wave pools. I have been a regular user of the one in Abu Dhabi, which filled a niche for wave starved surfers in a very restricted environment. In the same way that the indoor ski field does. But putting a wave pool in a coastal wetlands environment is just insane. The argument that it will use renewable power doesn't cut it as it still costs significant amounts of money to run the wave generating 'engines'. Developers want to develop products that are minimal cost, maximum profit. So roofing/enclosing ain't going to happen without punters being asked to subsidise. The wetlands Kelly/Stark are talking about absorb the runoff that would other wise add to flood issues on the Maroochy River.
I live Coolum adjacent. I don't know anyone, other than the owner of the local surf school, who is on board with this project.
Funny .. I talked to a woman who was investing in a wave pool only a few days ago. She talked how the flow of returning water through channels will be used to generate electricity.
Hey Lilas. For what it's worth, Ding Alley's (or at least my, I can't speak for Macca) isn't actually having a go at wave pools here: Wave pools are a mixed bag of lollies. One the one hand they deliver a lot of joy and stoke, on the other hand they're a frivolous toy – totally unnecessary for life on earth and just another drop in the rapidly filling bucket of unsustainable human indulgence. Likewise with Property Development: there's varying degrees of goodness and awfulness involved etc probs. I guess this piece is more about calling out the bullshit language of marketing persuasion. Personally I would have more respect for a wave pool entrepreneur / developer if they said “Look, this thing is gonna burn up a heap of juice, one day we hope to figure out how to do it all with renewables but honestly, we couldn't tell you when. Me and my partners are motivated by the desire to make money out of this project, as much as possible, and we simply can't afford to wait around for the tech to catch up. Ultimately we're in this for us.” Unsurprisingly, we never hear anyone cop to that.
Thanks for taking the time to reply Gra.
I understand the story was about developers and their language of lies so sorry for derailing that message.I agree 100% that they are greedy Assholes that speak shit all day long, just for their own advantage.
My point was that wave pools were again cast in a negative light, even if only subconsciously for most people.
Wave pools are no different to any other man-made sporting facility, and should be judged accordingly. Most of our common sporting facilities also extract a huge toll on the environment yet that is usually not mentioned when debating the environmental credentials of wave pools. If we can't have wave pools because they aren't environmentally friendly, then out goes the golf course, Swimming pools, Sporting fields, etc, etc. as well, otherwise we would be hypocritical.
I also disagree with your following statement - – "totally unnecessary for life on earth and just another drop in the rapidly filling bucket of unsustainable human indulgence."
Only food, water, shelter & health are totally necessary for life on earth so in that case, we would need to get rid of 99.9% of the modern world as it is not needed.
But I believe that humans need more than those basics. We also need to do stuff that has value to us, hence all the things we have invented to keep us busy [like surfboards] If wave pools are not needed then either is surfing in general as it's one of the most frivolous activities know to man. [But damn doesn't it do a good job at filling our soul]
....but alas, I shall finish up here as discussions about human-nature could take all of eternity. Thanks again for your time
Hey mate. Good onya for investing in this topic, and I dig the way you lay your thoughts down. Coupla quick things to note:
Wave pools ARE, I think, different to most sporting facilities in that they produce a facsimile of a naturally occurring resource. The irony is that, currently, every time they recreate nature with a wave they diminish nature, just a tiny bit, simultaneously.
This doesn't make them pure evil, or necessarily bad. They're just another jjgsaw piece in the vexed puzzle of a planet that's in one way an astonishing miracle of human endeavour, and in another way probably headed for a cascading series of catastrophes thanks in part to those endeavours.
But yeah, WPs are only a drop in the bucket of human creations that keep us entertained and occupied, and of course there's paradox upon paradox in play in the whole surfing thing, the feeling of connection with nature while straddling a petrochemical blah blah blah, but even so. Want vs Need etc.
Frivolity is critical to our lives and wellbeing. Couldn't agree more. We are capable of creating the conditions for this joy without industrial scale artifice. Or at least we have been.
I think the most important thing to note lilas is the fact that what I'm presenting is this reply is essentially a confusing and meandering mess. For me it's impossible to reconcile all the paradoxes of the world into absolute rights or wrongs, and to harden into a stance of certainty probs isn't the go. At least not for me
All good mate, and you're right, we could bat this back and forth for ever, especially if we get into the ol' human nature / evolution thing which is tied up in all this! But, shite! it's work time! cheers
Great stuff Gra!
yes, us humans are such a confusing species and we do our best at creating paradox after paradox. It's a wonder anyone understands anything we do.
...and I also forgot to say thanks for your great Toonalook articles. Fantastic insights into our frail human nature, especially our "surfing culture" specific failings.
The only thing that would make them better is turning them into a full-blown comic series [something like Gonad Man] as the drawings are such a great marriage with your words, and I want to see more :)
I've also a suggestion for an article that may get the surfing fans a little fired up. Coastal improvements, such as man-made reefs. Such a vexed issue that needs to be brought out into the light an examined in a logical way, as it seems we can't detach our emotions from the coastline-manipulation debate.
keep up the great work and thanks again for your time. :)
Loved it Gra, & it resonated well for me.
Very disappointed that the GOAT was able to publicly tell our Premier in QLD to basically push through his Coolum pool for approval even tho it’s site it’s sitting in extremely vulnerable wetlands. Money means more than his or WSL’s so called environmental conservation ethos. Slaters pool is A STARK contrast to other wave pools, yes they can be compared to public swimming pools for energy use but those pools are for everyone’s enjoyment as Slaters is just for the elite. Unless you count watching as being included.
Don't even need to see the tail, the earpiece and quiff tells me all I need to know.
"Making Nature even MORE Natural". Priceless. Thanks folks for keeping me sane today.
Im with Barry Cornell bugger sharing it with others
No alien invasion yet, so the ToonaTopia vibrations are clearly working. Bless you, Saint Hubbins, we'd all be Martian food long ago if it weren't for you.
Exactly, rt, we're all so quick to point an accusing finger but so slow to give praise where it's due.
Seems like a stand-up guy this St. Hubbins character.
Another ripper boys - well done.
I know these articles are essentially for a bit of much needed fun, especially in these crazy covid times, thanks again, but your depth of perception about what is really going on is to be applauded.
The current big bank adverts on the TV during the covid nightmare here in Vic say almost the very same thing: "we're here to help you" and "we're all in this together".
Ha!!!! Truth subtitles would actually read, "please help us maintain our multibillion dollar profits you mindless suckers!"
I always scan your drawings for the subtle details which say probably more than the "bigger picture". I picked up initially on the earphone, goatee beard, slick real estate dress code, and the devilish pointed tail, but missed the flaming hell background and the upside down power point. Well done above Thermalben and Halley-comet for those important finds, thanks guys to complement the message.
I sure know that the Holy Bible, despite being the biggest selling book now and of all time (fact), isn't appreciated when mentioned, but if you want intrigue, evil, drama, betrayal, lies, rape and ruin, wisdom, peace, comfort, love and forgiveness, etc..etc give it a go.
Here are 2 part quotes which absolutely underpin and specifically support this latest terrific article of yours:
New Testament - 1 John 5:19....."the whole world is under the sway of the evil one".
Old Testament - Ecclesiastes 1:9... "there is nothing new under the sun".
and these were written thousands of years ago.
Thanks again for the laughs and insights.
God Bless you.
P.S. Spuddups -did you mean stand-up, paddle board, guy? I reckon that would fit his profile perfectly?
Alchemy of wit and words and scribbles
It's not just the Coolum proposal, there's another being pushed up in Noosa. Not sure if it's the same mob.
No way to disagree with what you say about the bible Servant, they’ve reaped trillions of revenue out of the saga, turned out to be the biggest cash cow in human history.
Thank you Fliplid.
I'd like nothing more than to dig in on your comment, debate and discuss with you and others, in a brotherly manner, about the most important book in history (His-story), however it's probably inappropriate on this platform. But let me know if you would like to do so and we can find another way.
Meanwhile..."For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life", John 3:16
God Bless you and the surf craft you ride in on. I'll pray for you also.
Hope you get some good waves soon. Catch one for me please (stage 4 lockdown -Victoria)
haha .. sole interview subject on our extensive consultation !!!
classic truth there.
maybe they shoulda sucked up to someone other than Baz Cornell .
A classic case of "thou doth protest too much." Unfortunately, the world is dominated by such morally-deficient clowns. A great read once again, boys!
Hey where can I buy some "Toonalook, Somewhere on the Australian Coast" bumper stickers?
Now that would be fun!
Brilliant Sangster ! great idea
Even better, what's the Toona postcode?
No better place than the Hilux back window to proudly display whom you pay council rates to.
I’d buy 5
5 Hiluxes?
Was looking at some hard wood seedlings to buy for planting around our property (for the koalas and to offset our household carbon emissions).... and turns out (apparently) 'Toona' is a local name for 'red cedar'... go figure
Toona Ciliata.
The Illawarra's first industry was felling the Toona to ship north and build ye olde Sydney town.
They chose Toona cos Toona is rot resistant.
2468, Toona we appreciate!
Lock it in!
Great story.
Another true piss-take of what “surfing” has become.
Check out the big botannical brain on Stunet!
Congrats to all.
Not just a surfing website!- my wife just doesn't get it...
Swear I just read all that word for word in Tomorrow's Bully! Good one toonz!
tbb's bandmate & Flatmate kicked off the Patch $1 nights for (5 bands)
Steve was a Sound Guy so he'd throw in a live wild pet cassette after the gig.
Sociopunk'n'omics no longer washes these days.
Might be talking about Steve's old Punk flatmate there...err Oops!
$1 night at The Patch. Yikes. That was a dangerous time. Were you there the night, (and there might have been more than one), that Rabbit jumped on stage and murdered a song. A Clash number if unreliable memory serves?
Bugz pioneered altar ego Punk & The Enforcer moonlighted as a Goldie Punk. Shh!.
Tappa also crossed the line in the sand & stood by the punkz.
Toonz : Thursday Coolangatta Patch circa 1989 lights up retro Sunday Session.
Old School Goldie Punkz will pass around the Lizard Kings' number one Possession.
Sample Test Only :Spirit of '89 Patch inhalation is prohibited. OK! Just a quick Scratch'n'sniff!
By criticising the developer's profit motive and the overall "system of commerce" in which we operate in our modern, developed, high living standards and prosperous Australian society (which the article is calling "capitalism"), the overall stance of this article is hypocritical, naive, blind and biting the hand that feeds. But of course it's a stock standard, predictable and well-worn perspective and argument that appeals to the general swellnet target market.
The main pillars or foundations of our modern and free nation and our fair, well-off and safe Australian way of life can be summed up by one word - freedom - but more precisely are:
(i) economic freedom: a market economy characterised by private enterprise, government provision of public goods, private property rights and land/asset ownership, and government intervention/regulation,
(ii) political freedom: a liberal democracy characterised by compulsory voting and the checks and balances of separation of powers and three levels of government ,
(iii) social, cultural and religious freedom: an overall liberal, free society in which we are able to choose how we live and what religion we worship etc, and finally
(iv) an overall law based society, with the law independently enforced by the police and courts, which puts boundaries on our above economic, political and social (and other) freedoms.
Having spent significant time in China, I can tell you first hand that when these freedoms are taken away from the people, and when a nation does not adhere to these foundations or when they break down, the social, cultural, economic, political, legal, freedom of speech, environmental, etc (all) outcomes in that nation and society are not desirable.
In particular, it is this market economy characterised by private enterprise that enables people to start up their own business, such as THIS VERY WEBSITE and all the tradies out there using it on a daily basis who are working as subcontractors and running their own small businesses.
Although not perfect, thousands of years of evolution, philosophising, tragedies and failures, wars, and experimentation have come to the conclusion that this setup of a free society and free nation (and/or very similar variations/perturbations of it) provides the best outcomes, the highest living standards, and the greatest good for the greatest number of people in that nation.
Indeed, the main, driving force that shapes the outcomes in our free society is consumer demand within our market economy, because what consumers ultimately buy and consume is what ultimately gets built and produced in our society, since providing and building these products and services is what is profitable for a business and allows it to survive.
So criticising the profit motive and economic and political and economic system in which we live is a very long way off the mark and is naive, blind and stupid (do the people who produce this website seek to make a profit???):
In the end the people of a nation are entirely accountable and responsible for, and are solely to blame for, the outcomes of our society, such as whether a canals and wave pool development takes place. If the demand is obviously not there, it will not be built.
Yeah mate, soundly constructed argument, thanks for taking the time and energy, and you make some good points, but in a small but critical sense, you've kind of missed the point a bit maybe? The piece isn't so much about the pros and cons of wave pools and development, it's more about the bullshit language of marketing – which is, of course, part of the system we're in, but it's bullshit nonetheless and thus worthy of the scrutiny of satire IMO. Cheers gsco.
Yes I thought of that point after I pressed the "comment" button. And yes the developers can attempt to fool and trick the public as much as they like with their bullshit marketing that do seem to be indeed engaging in, but they will ultimately only be fooling themselves since they will ultimately end up answering to the people and the people alone in terms of whether the whole thing is profitable.
Wow mate, that's some of the ugliest right-wing shit I've read for a while.
I'd go so far as to say that worshiping the market and consumerism, and expecting them to provide universally positive outcomes is naive, blind and stupid.
It's a statement of fact that in Australia we live in a system of human organisation characterised by a free and open society, liberal democracy, and market economy, all kept in balance by government intervention in the economy and the rule of law. That's just the reality, not some idiotic idealism or worshiping of anything.
I do very much like Australia and think it is a the top of the pile in terms of getting the balance right and achieving positive outcomes including high living standards and a good quality of life. I don't see any other countries getting things more right than us, and I see a lot getting things very wrong with horrible outcomes.
just fk off with yer overt right wing politic s crap.
relly taken the fun out of the story .
what a downer
Wave Pool Rogues Gallery (Strictly for research purposes )
US
Kelly legislates that all Pools under his size must run on $$ TownWater + Pool Laws.
Nland fought county to use dirty Water & Flooded the Neighbourhood.
Waco Supa-Hyper Chlorinates Brain Bugz > (Testing) / Throws evidence in the Lake
UK
Uk Govt Officer has shares in Wales Pool > overrides Council recommendations.
Bristol forget to mention the Tee Pees & Rowdy Bar...Oops!
Oz
WA Mate Officer Rezones Bowls Club (No Tender) to boost Wave Pool Shares.
Lies about Toxic Dump gets Mayor to rub out Public Notice Nasties & ditch Consult.
Turned out Council never even owned the land! High Court Judge just cried & cried!
Qld...
Gold Coast -Kelly's / Back Yard Blitz Wave Pool has LM come up short by a $3b rort.
Council keep voting to stop the Mayor running Surf Lakes bath with half price water.
Sunny JW wave pool has been to court 5 times ( Yes! Now, fighting 2 cases)...More?
Noosa Cr couldn't sell her sponsor's $20,000/night Bain Manor Wave Grotto.
WSL Blue Heart Attack (standard) bribes,upzones,junkets, union threats,Fake Consult.
Split Bitcoin share salesmen salute Wave Pool Rogues for taking one for the team.
Sure! OK! Toonz can be accused of toning it down for the swellnet audience.
That's what makes it even funnier...a Wave Pool Salesman with a conscience?