Phil Jarratt is currently spruiking his latest book, That Summer At Boomerang, and shares some observations from on the publicity road.

David Sedaris, the alleged humorist (sorry, just not my cup of chai), was asked in a recent interview why he was so enthusiastic about doing book promotion tours, to which he responded: “It’s hard to arrive at a book store and find an audience of four people. With nice crowds, though, it’s a joy.”

Welcome to my world, Dave. In the promotion of surf books, four is not a bad crowd at all, as long as three of them aren’t immediate family. As a general rule of thumb, half the people who turn up at a book promotion will buy the book, particularly if there’s a lot of free beer being provided. So assuming that the grog is sponsored, and that the book costs $30, and you’re on a standard author royalty of 10 percent, and that you haven’t had to drive more than 10 kilometres to get to the gig, if four show up you’ve got your petrol money covered.

There are worse outcomes. Jeff Hakman and I once sat at a little table in a London book store for two hours and no one came. It wasn’t just us - no one came into the store full stop! We decided we’d had enough and made moves to pack up our signing pens and adjourn to the pub across the road, but the shopkeeper blocked the door in front of us. Without saying a word, he pointed at a sign in the window that said: “Mr Sunset book signing – 1-5pm”. We meekly sat back down and began twiddling our thumbs again.

It’s all in the promotion, of course. When I wrote The Mountain and the Wave, the history of Quiksilver, the launch parties in Australia, California and France were lavish and packed to the rafters, but I bet no one ever got past the gushing messages from management to read the guts of the book. Not that there was much guts left in it, but that’s another story (and book).

The secret to success is to be a major league surf star. I did an “in conversation” evening with Tom Carroll promoting his and Nick’s excellent TC just before Christmas and the little bugger was mobbed by kids whose fathers weren’t even born when Tom picked up his last world title! We wisely dispensed with the part of the conversation about ice addiction and focused on what the groms were interested in – scary shit. “How long does a big wave hold you down for?” That sort of stuff. They all bought books and kept TC there pressing flesh for hours past his bedtime, and theirs.

It doesn’t always work like that of course. (See Hakman in London story above.) When I did a book with Kelly Slater a few years ago he flat out refused to hang out in book stores signing copies. Fair enough. If I was him I wouldn’t either.

Anyway, the chances of me becoming a major league surf star are now even more remote than when I claimed a career best sixth (last) in the final of a schoolboys’ comp in 1968. And even though cheap tricks like being an old man impersonating Steph Gilmore may get you a moment of Youtube fame, they are not guaranteed to sell books.

So it’s just me on the road again, with a few old jokes and a short vid we made about Duke Kahanamoku in Australia in 1914-15. Had a couple of good shows, a couple so-so, but you’ll be relieved to know the gas bills are covered and people seem to like the book. Thank Christ for that.

Phil will present his latest book, That Summer At Boomerang, at Annie’s Books On Peregian this Thursday from 6pm, and at McTavish Surfboards, Byron Bay, on February 7.