The Outsider: Masculin, feminin
"As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams he found himself transformed in his bed into a gigantic insect-like creature". Franz Kafka, Metamorphosis.
The day dawned with a pale yellow glow in the east beneath a towering bank of cumulus cloud. There was no sound of sirens or hooters, just raucous flocks of lorikeets scudding over the broken glass and blood-stained concrete of another street-fighting night in the ghetto-empire of the Cooly-gatta.
All over the Gold Coast, crammed into apartments, five and ten to a room, in houses and rambling wooden shacks, they were rising and preparing to celebrate the day. While gimlet-eyed ideologues hunched over keyboards prepared to launch a reign of terror to excoriate the enemies of the revolution, these people of the nation state of Brazil were oiled up and ready to jiggle their globes in the service of Sport. And they turned up en masse, conservative estimates put the crowd at greater than 75% Brazilian.
They spoke excitedly on the beaches in groups of three or four and texted and photographed each other to show the world that they were living the dream on the mythical Gold Coast. Their man, Minierinho, Adriano De Souza, a midget of a man unafraid to confront Kelly Slater on his own turf, to weep in public and claim each ride as if was the pinnacle of his career, well this man was wiping the floor with the scowling giant Owen Wright. He outsurfed him. He went bigger, harder and more radical on every ride. His force majeure was the massive opening tail-high finner off a deep squared off bottom turn. Despite this we still don't place his surfing amongst the divine elite, it remains too forced for late-Western eyes and we decadent late Westerners with all our attendant arrogance find his rapturous ardours of victory and destruction of his opponents somehow unsanitary. It offends our sense of taste. Our sense of propriety.
But not our Brazilian friends on the beach. They unite with his passion. They transcend their individual selves and find themselves a throbbing mass organism of pleasure and pain, acutely tuned to the vagaries of the surfer they now live vicariously through. They become a tuning fork quivering and vibrating in ecstasy with every high risk manoeuvre, which strikes them on a deep emotional level and to which they respond without any inhibition. The Brazilian crowd in full flight is a wonderful spectacle to witness.
Kelly looked sluggish and a tad old skool in his heat against Kerrzy. The straight out thruster set-up lacked the zing offered by the five finner. Kerr just went and nailed a couple of big airs and took him down. In frustration as the hooter sounded Slater laid down the turn of the tournament, a searing full rail carve where pointscoring would have dictated some kind of off the lip. "Why didn't you ride the five fin?" I asked him, "it looked so much better than that thruster when you rode it last." He looked momentarily confused, "Did I ride it this contest?" "Yeah, you rode it halfway through the Round 4 heat, it had a heap more zap and zing through the dead sections." He shrugged. "I dunno. I rode it at D'Bah last night and it felt weird."
Everything was weird. Telling the champ his board was a pup just seemed part of the mechanics, a sheet anchor for all who were drowning in the molten commerce and sweat drenched madness of a Final Day that seemed to be limping towards a conclusion.
Jordy put his foot on the throat of Parko after the opening exchanges and by midway Parko was floating on his side, slowly finning into oblivion while Jordy's Dad stalked the contest area with flared nostrils. Taj just looked faster, whippier and flared out while Ace's hunched over backhand now looked forlorn and limited in comparison.
I'd been trying to get a handle on the women's comp all week, struck by this curious dichotomy of the young sexy things being used to market to pre-teens and attract stares from middle-aged men and the more athletic and chunky 'real' surfers. I had Laura Enever tagged as a poster child for the young and sexy brigade but after seeing her run through the event I was forced to re-examine the validity of my hypothesis.
In person she's tiny, with matchstick thin legs and a slender frame but she puts her board on rail and throws plenty of heat at the lip. Maybe a half step back from Carissa and Tyler in power and lacking the classic stylings of Gilmore but she seems advanced of all those women in terms of rat cunning and hard scrapping to keep herself in a heat and finding a way to win it. Her exchanges with Tyler Wright in the dying stages of the heat were the stuff of great comebacks.
I asked her if considering the level of women's surfing and the fact companies were making so much money off women's surf clothes that it was disappointing their tour seemed so token. "I think after last year everyone thought that because we put on such an incredible show and women's surfing was at its highest level ever we were gunna get way more sponsor opportunities for events, and it just didn't really happen. Everyone was like 'whoa, what do we have to do?' I mean, we have six events now and we'd really like to see events at classic waves. We have a couple events...umm...we'd rather have quality over quantity and have prestigious events. Hopefully companies will realise this and step up from outside [the industry]." "Do you think women's surfing is getting a fair shake in the surf media?" "I think we're getting a lot of media attention outside the surfing world which is really cool but I'd love to see it get more attention in the surfing world because we are in this world." "Do you think women are selling themselves short by presenting themselves as bikini models instead of surfing athletes?" "I think it's important for everyone to know that we are athletes. What we're doing is pretty crazy and I think people may underestimate that because they only see us in small waves or whatever. I love for companies to see the balance between, I mean, we are beautiful lifestyle women but we are athletes as well. We have that balance. It'd be nice for everyone to realise that and get some more support."
Women's surfing apparel remains one of the few cash cows for the surfing industry. Yet it remains a tawdry second cousin to mens surfing. It needs a strong spokesperson to lift it out of cheap sexist marketing and into the modern world. Steph Gilmore seems tailor-made for the role. She looked undeniably smooth and dominant, as she has all event, to take out our proto-feminist Laura Enever in the Final. Well played ladies, it was fine to watch.
The semis were turgid affairs, as quickly forgotten as they occurred. De Souza and Taj, the two jockeys of the tournament, were obviously favoured by genetics (Jordy looked so cumbersome in the dribbly peelers compared to Taj) and there was feeling amongst the assembled hacks that the whole thing should be put out of it's misery as quickly as possible.
But something did happen during the Final. Something unexpected, from this quarter at least. The crowd surged and became animated as if some invisible electric current was now running through them. The surf, which had been sleepy gurgle most of the day seemed to arise a few notches from that moribund torpor and offer some fun ramps. I found myself in the pinnacle of the inner sanctum as the siren sounded, man on man with Old Baldy, who had responded to an interview request in the minutes before the final sounded. In the ruthlessly enforced apartheid status system of a surf contest it was surreal to go from sweating peasant into the cool, Corona-filled tent overlooking the crowd and surf-break.
Slater spoke of many things: of China and the industry; wavepools; Andy's legacy; drug testing; and the future and meaning of Pro Surfing. But that is a story for a different time.
The Final was electric. De Souza surged early with a huge tail high air reverse on the opening manoeuvre of the opening wave. The crowd screamed. "Fuck, that was good," I said. Slater shrugged, "He got the job done," then bent down to pat his small sausage dog who was eagerly awaiting the attention of his master. "Left-handed compliment," I said. He shrugged again. Even in defeat and out of the competition he was trying psychic juju on his opponent.
Taj looked razor sharp and the crowd in the competitors tent was overwhelmingly in his corner. It looked tight, real tight.
Did he win?
From my perspective Adriano's opening wave was under-cooked and Taj's 9+ ride over-cooked. The spread seemed distorted, not that it was possible to determine that at the time. That was gut feeling. It looked like DeSouza had been the slightly better surfer. But in the end, and that is all that matters, it was Taj who bathed in the adoration of the fans and the crowd were left to ponder the peculiarities of a subjective judging system.
I took my leave from the rarefied air of Slater and the competitors tent, scurried back into the backstreets to find my van unmolested and drove home in a mist of warm rain. The cows were in the front paddock, chewing contentedly in the noble bliss of their ignorance.
I sat and nursed a beer, trying to find that peace of mind while the roar of the crowd hummed and crashed like a thousand mental aftershocks in my mind.
Comments
Been waiting sixteen hours for this post 'Outsider'. DeSouza won this contest, even blind Freddy could see that. (sic). Nepotism from a subjective judging system. In a white Australia, what more would one expect. My only wish is that you are placed on the payroll by Swellnet for every ASP event this year and that the corporate 'hacks' removed from the 'pinnacle of the inner sanctum' of ASP contests forever. Excellent and objective ramblings with excellent use of quotes. You have revealed what a joke the circus has become while selling out our beloved addiction for measly third world dollars. This last post on the Snapper contest was your weakest, but much appreciated all the same. A- overall for every post.
twitterarty, start your engines...
READY. STEADY. SPAGHETTI.
Laura Enever can be my spokeslady. She displayed the most stoke I've seen in some time. Not to mention her surfing.
Kelly afterwards -" I'll tell you when I quit" - wish he would!
Judging? We're used to it.
Waiting period? Should be a month or more!
I couldn't watch more than a few minutes - the waves sucked - and the few moves that did impress were too few and far between.
Conclusion: I still tuned in a dozen times to check up and the bikinis were hot!
@ School boy, go back to De-souza's round 3 heat, watch the waves and then tell me who was the better surfer... In the final they give De-snodza a 7.5 for 1 big air, but for Kerrzy (in the semis) they award a 4.8 for a bigger and better air. I think that we need to hear way more from the judging panel about what it is they are basing their results on.
The ASP website, in regards to judging says;
Judges analyse the following major elements when scoring waves:
Commitment and Degree of Difficulty
Innovative and Progressive Manoeuvres
Combination of Major Manoeuvres
Variety of Manoeuvres
Speed, Power and Flow
* It is important to note that the emphasis on certain elements is contingent upon the location and the conditions on the day, as well as changes of conditions during the day.
END QUOTE
So that little asterix means that they can choose to disregard any/all of the above criteria and make it up as they go. This, to me at least, seems to be the way it rolls.
Some transparency from the judging panel as to what they are focusing on from event to event/heat to heat would be welcome. I don't think anyone (even the competitors) have a clue what is going to score well.
Sort out the judging, and then you will have a more marketable product. Don't give me the job though as I am way too biased...
Hey School kid - where's this white Australia you are talking about? From where I'm sitting it's a pretty multi cultural society in Oz these days and stupid rants like 'subjective judging in white Australia' only incites racism and flames the fire you wanker.
Where we you when De Souza won that contest in Brazil for doing a floater? Didn't hear squat from you then. Why is it that it's racist if a Aussie wins in Australia but not racist when a Brazilian wins in Brazil?
Good job Maddog, calling out these no nothing douchenozzles stuck in the unsorted time warp they live in, constantly channeling the 1950's.
This is piece of yours is a sweet epilogue to the kick off event, Stiv.
And that line of yours, "assembled hacks"?... As epic as they come, bru.
Oh, and this psychic juju that old baldy has been relegated to?... after slagging Josh Kerr, and then threatening, once again, to take his quivering quiver of multi fin crafts, sausage dog, and girl friend, and quit before Bells?...
Are you going to quit with your GF in the midst of launching and marketing a new line of chick togs?
Not likely when your bollocks are held firmly in her handbag.
I gave it to TB, his turns showed far more commitment and they were linked together with fluidity. DeSouza, whilst surfing extremely well, failed to join the dots, his surfing was disconnected. A couple of average punts should never outscore a package that is delivered in full.
Not so sure about the nepotism in the judging tent, just how many of Taj's relations judged the final. Last time I had a gander the judging panel was made up of five separate nationalities ... blind Freddy couldn't see it, but he could tell by the accents when he tripped over them, wee.
Gotta run, or I'll be late for the Ku Klux Klan meeting, Sieg Heil, OI Oi OI and go you good thing.
The 2 best surfers throughout the contest made the final but de souza panicked. He HAD that final in the bag but couldn't convert the early lead into victory. He was underscored and then he panicked. It will be interesting to see how he goes in the next event and what his strategy will be.
unfortunately, judging is very much like politics, and suffers the same syndrome.
due to the constant abuse incurred in a no win situation, anyone with a brain exits the trade, sooner rather than later.
the quality people aren't there, cos it's a really stupid, and definitely thankless, thing to do with your life, consequently, more often than not, they are there for the wrong reasons. just like politicians.
the money doesn't justify the grief.
the same can probably be said for pro surfing administration in general, and many other sports admin.
Exotic locales with waves, chicks, sponsors gear and you get paid for it. Judging might not be a bad career choice.
jesus, dream on, its a butt fuck of a job.
Maybe Taj just isnt rooting the judges girlfriends like he used to?
yorkey, bahahahha,
yeah judging pro comps ,what a dream. endless o/s air flights, jetlag, watching waves all day but not being able to surf,10 hour + work days, getting rocks and coral thrown at you in exotic locales, not real flash coin, waiting for yourself to mess up a few heats and the next regional judge in the food chain to take your place, your girl at home rooting your mate,you getting a std from sampling the b-grade talent your pro mates are rejecting at 2am. but at least you got to see the world!! Fuck ! what am i thinking ? Where do i sign up?
i thnk i might go fishing
Interesting stat from the first top shelf comp of the season...
"for the first time ever 7 of the world’s current top 8 surfers have made the quarters, setting a New World Record…. That’s both amazing, and proves there’s very little room at the top, and the ones who are, well, any of the cats in the quarters listed below could win the World Title this year… that is, if Slater will let them"…..
- Skip Snead, Ghetto Juice Mag.
Cue the bags!
I think kelly should threaten to quit more often.
He looks funny when he's mad at the question.
"how many times do i have to tell you, i'll tell you when i quit"
@z-man
you should see some of the images I have of the Brazilian Girls on the Beach...Most of the girls were Brazilian... It was like being in Rio
also some background stuff from the Corona Filled Quiksilver Corporate Tent on facebook.com/iaincolquhouns
now that the quickie has finally been put down, the breaka wobbled to a lack luster finish and the pro junior is over. the swell is returning and the southerlies have started. Flight centre are offering cheap return tickets out of the goldy,,,,,,fly swim packages,,,,,you fly we leave you a towel on the beach for you to swim back.....this local has had enough camera posers, sponsored hangers on and bunny hopping frothers for this year....go home, go to bells, go anywhere.....
Hey Joe, your photos are awesome.
Thanks for the hook-ups!
I was on the beach watching the corona expression session on saturday.
De Souza had by far the most dated act. Boring wide-legged poo-stance and just shitty style. Yes he is super-fast, and his last wave in the final was sick, but he was not even close to the best surfer of the event.
In round one Dane chucked up some serious airs and got a 6.5, so Adriano wasn't underscored. Calling racism is just bullshit. He was just unlucky his last wave didnt have another section to hit after the air, he definitely would have got the score. Unlucky that's all.
And Steve, I'm happy you're nice to Laura Enever, but her matchstick legs don't have the juice to compete with Steph. She looked like a skinny chick struggling to make spray. I did like her 360 spinner attempts though, more please.
surferjoe, you're a sex-creep.
bum,
Do you recall when someone up in one of the Swellnet comment sections was "claiming" the finals were fixed, and ADS had won it hands down? That the judges were not only biased, but in the bag for TB from the start?
The guys was actually making the claim that the judges were doing nothing but making their decisions on popularity alone.
If that was true, whoever it was claiming that cart load of bollocks, could be saving the judges heaps of time!
Instead of wasting their time watching each and every ride live, and then reviewing them several times, using every angle of replay video, the judges could simplify the whole process and just go check who has the most twitter followers!
I thought it was pretty simple. ADS got more waves and moved really fast on them, giving the impression of dominance BUT, it comes down to the two best scores only. The judging was fairly consistent I thought.
I agree with the masses. cringe when i watch Desou, the brazo style is so crook i cringe in my beanbag when he takes off.he has the moves but, fuck they just dont look right. judges deduct points right there. He surfs rings around me, but the australian flow and link the money turns together lacks . Taj seemed so precise yet maybe a bit too excited but one thing he didnt really do was bounce around like Desou between turns. POwer to them both they rip
@surferjoe
got your FB page but didn't see any photos
Was in Rio years ago, bikinis were awesome then as now.
I saw a couple of hotties flash by the screen at the 'Snap Out Of It' pro.
All in all it was as good as contest as could be had considering the less than average good surf that Snap is capable of.
Sad when contests have to be held in those conditions and not epic, or near epic at least!!!
I get the cost factors, so that is why free surfing dominates the real 'eye-popping' photo/vid that most surfers want.
@z
Girlie photos arent on it would need to email u msg me ur email on fb if u want
@sj
don't bother - in all my years of photography I've seen more than the average bear.
I do enjoy the 'flash-bys' that occur on the webcast knowing that real HOT women are everywhere!!!
I think one in particular stood out in the entire 15 minutes I watched. It was too boring to sit thru that mediocre surf.
@sj
Thanks tho, and I was impressed by your other photos and my avatar TC.
You must have some clout to get in the VIP lounge!
I'm with Anton Chigurh, at least in regards to Desou's style. Someone's gotta take a gas cannister to his wide-legged hippin' and hoppin'. Sure the judges don't include style in the criteria ('flow' is as close as they come) but it's just so damn ugly it must effect their scores.
I thought Desou got a tad underscored for his opening wave of the final - the 8-pointer. Yet I note the Brazo judge, Luli Pereira, gave him a 7.8.
Desou: He's got a style even Brazilian's don't like.
Does not the style criteria for everything stylish change over time?
Even if it does, you can bury ME a mod.
Stu, I think you'll find that the Brazilian judge gave Dizzy 8.0 for his high score wave and 7.8 for his second to highest.
But I can't quibble with your assessment of Dizzy's style - something only a colonoscopy might fix.
@Z
No worries Bro.. Thanks too... as u know in the Heady World of the Surfing "VIP" Area It aint what u know.... Its Who... and I know them all... That Wascally Wabbit TC Simon Nev Teebs Brooksie Occ Bruce Lee Pottz etc etc etc... Had some good Convos with KS Steph Dane Sal Dingo Freddie P Garrett even Gab Medina... Dane or Steph are prob the nicest & most down to earth of the lot
ps @Stu... Behind the "Scene" Images are available