The Outsider: Epilogue
This post was written as The Outsider's last entry from Jeffrey's Bay, yet it also makes an excellent introduction to Teahupoo. Read on...
Feel that, sports fans?
The ground shifted very perceptibly under our feet following Jordy's back to back win in J-Bay. They say a week is a long time in politics and with the mighty USA teetering on the abyss of default that is true enough, but what of Pro Surfing? Is there another sport undergoing so much radical upheaval and transformation as our own beloved enterprise?
Amidst the weirdness and discontent of this year, have we seen the first stirrings of the rebirth of the Dream Tour? We've all heard it by now, Fiji is back on. Three and half months ago Brodie couldn't find a sponsor now Volcom has stepped up. Was their hand forced somewhat by the recent Cloudbreak swell and the publicity it generated? Perhaps by the volume of the fan backlash against the continuing announcements of more 'festivals' at city beachbreaks away from prime seasons?
Maybe one day we will find out but for now we note the game has shifted once again.
Meanwhile...as South Africa was reaching its anti-climactic climax, somewhere in California it was 2.30am Pacific Standard Time. A tanned bald man, gazed out a large window at the blinking lights of fishing boats and oil rigs. The lights are blurred by a soft blanket of sea fog and the night air is fragrant with eucalyptus and orange blossom. He was pacing back and forth, like a panther in a cage when a slight ripple of envy and aggravation ran through him causing him to sit down and rap his fingers on the desk in impotent annoyance.
They had called him disrespectful and thrown sharp little nameless barbs in his direction from the webcast. He hadn't bothered to show up.
Well, what of it? Hadn't he, the greatest Professional Surfer to have ever walked the Earth, been directly responsible for their pay increases? Where would the Sport be right now without him? Sandwiched somewhere between hog calling and monster truck re-runs on late night cable. He tried to breathe the aggravating thoughts away, rolling his shoulders around and throwing his head and neck from side to side like a boxer but the force of his wounded pride was strong in this bewitching hour.
And it was Wilson who called him disrespectful? The traitor. Hadn't he mentored him through the young years with Quik? Flown his flag when it mattered? And now he had to endure this cheap shot from the young punk?
A burning sensation moved from the back of his neck to his scalp. He dropped his head in his hands and rubbed it vigorously. Well, he'd see how Wilson fared at Teahupoo when the axe was coming down. There would be no mercy shown now. Absolutely none.
He started to pace again, as the final siren sounded on his computer and Jordy was chaired up the beach.
"Shit" he muttered softly to himself.
Time itself seemed to be rising up from the foggy depths of the nonchalant night; encircling him with it's tentacles, suffocating him, dragging he, the perennial Peter Pan of surfing, the one who danced and bent the ocean to his will, back to the leaden earth. His mind became inflamed with visions of victory, with glorious moments of joy and power and triumph, with his father and mother and brothers scrabbling around for daily bread. He had risen. Hadn't he risen so far? And now he felt the sensation of falling, of being dragged downwards.
He groaned with the pain and the indignity of it all.
A thin female voice called out from the bedroom, "Hey Babe, you OK?"
He mustered his composure, "Yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine."
He needed time to allow these thoughts and feelings to germinate within him so he could understand what malign forces were gripping him on this soft Californian night.
OK, he'd kinda blown the Fijian mission. He had to accept that now. Healey and Christenson had taken the glory...he just wasn't quite in tune with it on the big days. He'd lollygagged around on the biggest day and didn't get out there until it was too late. Bad miss. Bad, bad miss.
Was he losing touch with the finely honed instinct which had carried him so far? The thought seemed unthinkable. His throat was dry and he went and got a glass of purified water. On the way back he paused in front of a mirror and looked at the image. The dim glow of the computer screen with images of Jordy bathed in glory lit up half his face, the other half was deeply in shadow. He took a deep breath.
Questions seemed to rise out of the depth of his soul and he was powerless to suppress them: Are you still up for this? Have you got this in you? Will this endless scrabbling after points and glory constitute the sum total of your life?
He gazed deeply at the reflection staring back at him in the dim light and shuddered.
Then, without warning his eyes smiled and he caught himself winking. A smile spread across his face.
I'm not going out like this, he thought. I've got these clowns right where I want them, basting in the juices of their own false confidence. This means nothing to me. It's a game. Just a game. Fer chrissakes don't take it too seriously. Let's go to Tahiti. Let's see what they got.
He let out a little chuckle both in relief and in self-mockery at how vulnerable his ego still was to attack.
The burning was gone and his body felt supple, he could see a campaign in front of him and that made his nerves tingle in anticipation. His heart was full of love and his soul full of mana.
The phone was beeping. He picked it up. An email message from Australia. Some fricking journalist.
He opened the message. "Kelly, can we talk?"
He trashed the message and walked over to the window, throwing it open in anticipation of the coming dawn.
Postscript: See you in Tahiti, sportsfans. Thanks again for reading and leaving comments.
Comments
Gawd!!! Chandler met Hemingway and they spawned a love child named ... Holy Bejeebus????
I laughed; I cried. Bring me a bucket. No, wait!! Get the tux dry cleaned for the Walkleys.
Faark, I dunno. I'm all shook up.
The Horror, the Horror.
Naah mate, Chandler met Steinbeck.
That's how you write an Epilogue folks.
Xlater's shoulders were hewn from the finest seasoned birch and his teeth were designed for ripping the flesh from chicken bones, yet he still finds himself lacking long term satisfaction, often seeking solace in the futility of undisciplined competitors.
Our earnest prayer is that Tahiti brings the thunder.
Great read & as above - 'Our earnest prayer is that Tahiti brings the thunder'
Shearer, me old salt. There ain't no thunder in a Tahitian August.
Is the tour dead?
Discuss
Saved the best 'til last. Sublime Shearer.
I'm sorry, but this is a disrespectful piece to The Champ. Disrespectful, I say. What if some American surf writer (sorry to pigeonhole ya Steve) wrote about Joel Parkinson in such a manner?
Well. I reckon he'd get laid. Carry on.
p.s. Is that a pic of Ben Matson on the main page?
It appears Shearer, that your recent ailments have paid dividends to us less literary endowed tour following brethren - namely more time for you in front of the QWERTY.
Someone make this man more ill, more often.
Like the little sneaky pulse as the groundswell fades away.
Well groomed.
10,10,10,10,10. Unanimous.
No way that piece of derivative horseshit was better than J-Dub's round 3 barrel.
Holy shit, I'm busting now to see Tahiti light up and watch the guys perform. Great read Steve, keep it up.
Stiv,
The young bucks have not only read the same books on psyching out opponents by now, but the Brand Name that is Old Baldy, Bob Kelly Slater, (BKS), is slippin' Joe, he's slipping. As did eventually one of his heros of the psych out, Muhammad Ali.
Change is an eventuality. And everyone can and will be replaced.
Now, watch. As the Brand Name that is BKS shows up for the US bloody Open, in 2 foot slop. Even when it's epic, and one in a lifetime swells are hitting somewhere easily accessible on planet Earth.
Hey, after all, the Ambassador oF American Cheese does have contractual commitments.
And apparently, he's off to Hooligan Beach to sell a lot of pita!
Nice job here Stiv,
You fulfilled the two basic requirements... You had a take. And you didn't suck.
On 'ya!
Shearer, I really like the usual but that was dreadful. More Wilbur Smith then Hemmingway, sounds like you have been hanging out with Tim Winton...might need an editor.
In saying this keep it coming, thank god it’s not the usual press release journalistic surf crap. The classic thing is Slater will read this, (reckon he’s pretty sensitive these days) while pouring his Antarctic unicorn milk on organic dodo egg cereal. Wouldn’t mind a swellnet/shearer/nettle take on the inflation of the claim, seems like any wave over a 6 that involves a chop hop, or rio floater is punctuated by a slater style claim (stand tall, look of amazement) . Look forward to the next comp/instalment.
historical fiction? epic!
Slater deserves to be bagged for his no show. Down right disrespectful to the public that have made him the fortune that he has today. If he wants to free surf then get off the tour but don't stay on tour then make everyone else run around after you looking for replacements for your spot when you decide not to turn up.
You ask where the sport would be without him? I reckon it would still be chugging along nicely. We don't need Slater to show us how much fun surfing is - we worked that out long before he came along. Only thing we would be missing is seeing it on TV (as long as you have pay TV) or on the net (as long as you have broadband).
Time to go Kelly....we're over you.
fiction, definitely.
Outsider, I'm not sure why, but that spray reminded me of Norman Mailer trying to write from the perspective of being Marilyn Munroe. He just couldn't do it . He wasn't her. A ring of untruth surrounded the pretence. Hollow fiction results.
Your presumptions go out on a limb but i think the branch broke this time.
You doing Tahiti from the couch or leaving on a jet plane?
Hoping that big budget operation at Swellnet can swing you a ticket to Chopes. Stu - He always writes better when he's ringside. The sports fans prefer it too.
Steve call Quinton Tarantino immediately! There is some serious stories to be put on the silver screen!
Who was leading the tour a month ago?
lets be clear about this, shearer: it's Mr Babe to you
Watch closely as NY and SF FIRE !
OH the IRONY?
How could we use the infamous word of the week "pyrrhic" in relation to this article Steve?
@smeeagain
didn't you predict A.deSouza would fall from grace?
BKS seems to be playing everyone like stringed instruments. Promises of a tour with epic, once in a lifetime surf at every event? Subliminally sneaking backstage at an ASP event, attempting to pull the plug on everyone else's day in the sun?
What did we expect from the king of surf marketing? As he's moved from his era of Jimmy Slade, to today's angle of becoming the Ambassador of the American Cheese... the mullah of the Mediterranean menu.
Yes, our order is ready Please drive thru to the next window. ... Hubris, with a side order of Hermes. Which is quite ironic seeing that Robert Kelly's most resent sponsorship comes from a Greek style restaurant.
In order to win title number eleven, Bob Kelly Slater has quite possibly upped the game to somewhere that even he cannot fulfill.
Fortunately, Mr Smith, Joel, Fanning, Adriano, Taj and many others, ain't going out like that.
BKS, They don't believe the psych.
@ the-roller and maddogmorley
You both sound to me like your whistling in the dark whilst walking home through the cemetery.
I'll leave when I'm good and ready.
Not a moment sooner.
I would have gone to Fiji too.
Julian Wilson drinks what I don't drink (redbull), tries what I don't try? and is a chosen one... !
Bull’s- eye Mr Shearer.
The king could take the easy road home- hide out in some Cali beach shack, smother himself in 'lost interest' and fade away into the twilight by blowing off recent competitive shortcomings as dispirited mojo………………but that’s not the King.
Understandably his peers are upset with him. And I believe the king will be upset with that.
So look out! Plenty vigour, spice and all things not so nice for the remainder of the tour
Its Game on.
That Marilyn head is cracking me up mrbabe! Every time i read one of your comments, in my head its like Marilyn's voice is speaking it! ISNT IT DELICIOUS!
@yorkessurfer
Why thank you Mr President...
US Open at Huntington Beach, CA. begins today.
Surf mediocre at best.
Kellys' predicted rampage by "rangoon" will be enough?
z-man, Fortunately the folks running the US Open of Hooligan Beach know what they are doing. As Nike is running a massive free outdoor concert. With a side order of a surf test match sideshow.... And BKS is going to that part of the country, goin' to sell a lot of pita.
Business isn't just business, it's personal.
Oh, and by the way yorkessurfer?... That Marilyn head?
He's MR Babe to you, son.
@the-roller; Haven't been in years because of the zoo effect. Too many people for me. I do tune in to web-cast if conditions permit. Not sure if i get the pita ref. ? - kelly swag? sponsor swag?
Its not like catching the bus or driving to the local club comp, the travel must be a bitch year on year. Slater will be there in the end game 2011.
sell lots of pita rolled out as promo sales stuff, like hot cakes or hot dogs?
great article.
i'm a huge kelly fan and i was really disappointed with his no show. it was disrespectful and he should cop the flak of fans and peers accordingly.
that said, i hope nothing more than for tahiti to pump and for him to get out there and do what he does best. go kelly!
I liked the piece - far better than any press release we're fed and expected to accept verbatim.
I also applaud Mr Slater - I don't agree with what he did, but in doing so he has quite easily, without saying a word, shaken up the ASP to it's core. That simple act of a no-show has got the plethora of people running the ASP scrambling - reviewing the show, and making it better. Well, we can only hope. Bring back the Rabbit!
Put the kids, wanna be's, aspiring pros in the factory that is mediocrity. Put the best in the best surf on the planet.
I've no idea what Mr Slater's motivations were - but good on him for creating a profound shift in the direction of the ASP - perhaps it won't end up in the toilet, dragging the most talented competitors into the toilet with them.
Just don't feed us media release spin. Give us a show.
"You are who you are until you start becoming aware of yourself. Then you start to have choices of who you are. Then you get new life." -Kelly Slater.
Slater has the option of ambivalence towards the title and tour. He can afford complacence. Others can not. Disrespectful? He always said he wasn't sure he'd be 100% in on it.
Also - Aren't we all guilty of doin our time on the daily grind (whatever work we happen to be champ at) and occasionally thinkin' "I could be doin' other stuff than this, i'm just doin this for fun for now"? It keeps the perspective fresh and spontaneous.
A pity Smelly Skater did not get the bomb at Cloudbreak - that would have iced the cake, but, it would have been a Pyrric victory if he got smashed!
I'll hit the like button on that post dan-burke.
z-man,
BKS, Bob Kelly Slater's latest sponsor is a Soy Cal regional retail restaurant which flogs pita, hummus, baklava. As well as the full Mediterranean menu.
Don't let em fool you... The reason BKS failed to make the JBay event had nothing to do with epic surf. Hells bells mate, there's epic surf hitting places during the Hooligan Beach - US Open event.
BKS has pita bread commitments. And he's earned his right to sell whatevers on a full time basis.
Things change... Life rolls on... Everyone can and will be replaced.... and BKS's days are numbered.
The likes of John John Florence, Kolohe Andino, and the rest of the future of surfing are here to eat his lunch.
who fuckin cares
@the-roller,
so his sponsor is in hooligan beach not jbay? im betting his contract reads he can do as he pleases.
money isn't an issue - he gets a pass at tavvie?
i really dont care either way - id rather see him surf Rifles tomorrow and 4 days out too!
Z,
Whether it's videos of him surfing Taheets or Fiji, or flogging pita to the masses at the Hooligan US Open and contests in the NYC, BKS knows who his customers are.
The companies as well as BKS's business manager will always focus his brand name towards where his customer base would be more likely to make the choice to drop their crumbs.
It's basic business and marketing 101.
And money IS the issue.
@the-roller,
I can see the logic of making an appearance at HB. (waves are pitiful today) I get the money aspect. I enjoyed watching KS enjoy Cloudbreak. If I had druthers, he would do that more often, as would some of the others on the grand tour - of course, there goes some paychecks. I don't think KS worries about that.
The whole crew should bail to Indo right now and leave HB in the balance. That would be classic!
More Bullshit!!!! Upheaval?? Few different contest venues. So what?? As for Slater dont think he'd really give a fuck mate. Think he just likes going surfing and is so fuckin good he cant help but win everything he goes in. Maybe change your name to drama queen outsider and please stop disrespecting Dirty Harry.
@The Dude,
I can’t add anything to what you've said except for a well-placed flame thrower.
@the-dude
Erm. Just a few points.
1. Dirty Harry is not a real person.
2. Clint Eastwood is a real person, but he's not Dirty Harry.
Sorry.
Lemme know if I can assist you further in separating reality from whatever other dimension you're fond of operating from.
Just tryin' to help.
we note the game has shifted once again
Well I think it was bloody hilarious. Especially the thought of Kelly 'lollygagging' (had to look that one up) in Fiji and missing all the media exposure. I was laughing so hard I had to stop reading! Because as much as this is cheap and nasty fiction, there's always an element of truth in comedic fantasy. We all know Kelly's ego is delicate.