Social Anxiety
"My way of joking is to tell the truth. That's the funniest joke of all." - Muhammed Ali.
Comes in many forms. Dane has expressed a fondness for the affliction - which I confess I share with him - particularly when it comes to the vexed question of surf journalists. The incredible dumbness of surf journalists, their cowardice and inability to join the dots any further than the immediate self-interest of their superiors is a subject I thought I'd exhausted a long time ago...but let's hit it one more time, just for the sheer fun of it.
I have described them as lickspittles and moral pygmies, with the imagination of shopkeepers and the viciousness of slumlords. And that was in a good mood. Phonies and hodads, as Owl Chapman described them to me one glorious sunny afternoon at Sunset Beach. Generally speaking I'd rather drink a gallon of warm urine squeezed from an incontinent camel pad by a leprotic Bedouin than be subjected to the writings of surf journalists.
Kelly Slater in our recent conversation said that for the sport to progress "it needs to be open to a certain level of scrutiny". Is it too much of a stretch to include some kind of independent, incisive journalism in that scrutiny? Bizarrely, the level of coverage from J-Bay is almost non-existent. Like, sub-zero. It's as if this crucial, marquee World Tour event doesn't exist except for the official product put out by the event sponsors. And yes, the webcast is an improvement. Even Occy and Louie have managed to improve their vocab and put out a verbal product which vaguely resembles the English language.
Good God, there's nothing like a fully-fledged hypocritical rant to get the morning off to a flying start, eh? I blame the painkillers wearing off after an unseasonal rockfishing accident yesterday morning. Reflecting on Cloudbreak and a two wave hold down I went into a self-induced shallow-water blackout as I had the rod loaded up for a cast. A catastrophic loss of lure control ensued and a razor sharp Gamakatsu treble hook ended up lodged through the gristly part of my ear. They may have lost their World Tour events but the Japanese sure know how to make a sharp hook.
Enough of this fiendish digression, we have business to attend to. The second round has been completed in pretty, head-high peelers and we need to cast a judicial eye over it, before we get to the pointy end of this contest. But first let's take a look at Dane's new film Lost Interest.
It's sick. That's it?
It's fully, fully sick and Dane's full-power railwork and spontaneity make many people mourn for his missing presence on the World Tour this year. The fillum creates a psychological and aesthetic vacuum at J-Bay where we could imagine this surfing going down. It also owes a lot to French New Wave cinema with its use of jump cuts and strange and brutal audio transitions. The surfing is what Greenough would term 'a blow against the Empire'.
Sports fans, does the following interview recorded onto videotape last year in Tahiti shed any light on the Messiah's emotional state? You be the judge:
"How hard is it to be a sponsored professional surfer and run an independent program?"
"Easier than for most people. F'rinstance with making a film...I'm not making a film to make money because I make money off of doing these events and surfing and whatever. So, I'm not relying on an income off this surf film. I don't have to worry about pleasing people or sales. That makes it a lot easier to make something unique that's not gunna run the middle line just to get sales up, y'know."
"Does it ever feel like your leading a bizarre double life as a Professional Surfer and an independent artiste, for want of a better word?"
"(laughs) Um...I wouldn't consider myself an artiste. I think it's pretty cohesive really. I don't have to work a 9 to 5 job and I get to come to all these awesome places and have these neat experiences. From that you learn and grow and end up where you're at. Surfing and competing and travelling has left me where I'm at."
"Should Pro Surfing have more of an artistic element; should it be beautiful?"
"Um...well...that's tricky. A lot of it is about sales and production and that kind of stuff, which can steal away from that side. It can be whatever you really wanna make it, y'know? We're in the ocean which is a beautiful thing to begin with."
"In Australia and California especially there's a deep cynicism about Pro Surfing; do you think those people feel like it steals something away from the surfing experience?"
"Um, I feel like a lot of people act like that for sure. I feel like a lot of 'em are...I don't wanna say jealous, but we get to make a living off of what we love doing and there is a certain sell-outness to that. But I think a lot of people probably wish they were doing it too. If they had the talent too they wouldn't be so cynical about it. I sound like I'm being rude but I find that in a lot of people who are anti what I do."
"So it's just a matter of what side of the fence you are sitting on?"
"Some people probably have a real deep reason for having a distaste for Professional Surfing, and definitely a lot of stuff is distasteful about Pro Surfing, but not everything, you know?"
"Maybe it's just a historical legacy related to the way surfing started in California and Australia as a sort of counter-culture pursuit?"
"Oh, totally. It started, like a lot of things, like rock and roll, as a real thing then it turns into a trademark for selling things".
"Thanks."
"Yep."
There ya have it. A conflicted artist? A confused Messiah? The lack of spin from Dane is refreshing that's for sure.
But back to last night and the rest of Round 2. The Spartan was the undisputed highlight of the night and was underscored in his win against Monteiro. A projection floater is not a scoring manoeuvre at J-Bay, or shouldn't be. That's according to Slater himself, who proclaimed Curren's lines as the template for perfect J-Bay surfing. That involves commitment to the carving corner with no loss of flow into the next turn. Mastered by few, even at this level.
Fanning revealed a new relaxed approach, which has seen him drop the military style training and clinical heat approaches that have characterised his title runs. We predicted a new love affair with the public as the Chas/Jew imbroglio faded into distant memory and that is coming to pass. Now that Chas has been exterminated with extreme prejudice from the Pro Surfing landscape the public is seeing a softer, gentler Fanning. Until he faces Slater that is.
I'm loving Heitor Alves' run in this contest. A Brazilian goofy-foot power surfer who only speaks Portuguese in the post-heat interviews and resembles some kind of RoboCop has got to be good for the sport. The Outsider wishes you well Heitor.
Wilko turned the fruit dial into the red zone with a leopard skin wetty proving that Pro Surfing really is ready to go to San Francisco with flowers in its hair. These are the best of times...
Peace be with you sports fans.
Comments
So you're not a surf journalist then?
Yes, sub-species hypocrite.
Hope the treble was barbless
Unlike the article.
In his favour, he did admit it was "a fully-fledged hypocritical rant to get the morning off to a flying start".
Yeah but that's like starting a sentence with "I'm not racist but..." then saying something racist... Don't get me wrong I love Shearer, but I hate when he puts himself up above everyone else. Let your writing do that for ya without actually saying it mate...
I'm not a racist but I think dark-skinned people are lazy, have an inferior IQ, are prone to criminal behaviour and rampant sexually perversions, suffer poor hygiene, can't do crosswords, and don't get good humour.
What was the question again...?
If only HST was alive so you could suck his dick as much as you suck Danes.
I'm not making a film to make money because I make money off of doing these events and surfing and whatever. So, I'm not relying on an income off this surf film. I don't have to worry about pleasing people or sales. That makes it a lot easier to make something unique that's not gunna run the middle line just to get sales up, y'know.
.................................................................
I can see where he's coming from. Reminds me of one of my best friends. That quote just makes Daynold's cock all the more delicious. Shep ain't gay. He's just like the rest of us. We have a completely healthy, non-heterosexual crush on the guy.
Whoever runs this shithole needs to figure out the comment feature pronto. You can't put quotations around anything and press "Add Comment."
Furthermore, the comments are not HTML friendly. You convicts are anti-nerd, goddammit, and I will not let this aggression stand, man.
Xoxo
Please be seated Mr Xoxo (nice name, Xhosa is it?)
We at Swellnet don't wish to reinforce any stereotypes, despite how entrenched they may be in the workaday world. For instance, why should a quotation mark only be represented as a " when it can be so much more?
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I really like Bourez surfing...
Once he get the whole body language and rail turns together, he'll become a good Colin Smith impersonator for the tour.
Wow, you are digging deep into surf history there Senhor Adler. To me he's more a slimmer and faster version of Poto. Similar upper body torque... Remember him?
NiegÃ
Dane, it must be said, is a living, breathing contradiction. All his so called artistic pursuits are funded and made possible by the big bucks from the big multi nat behind him. That's the elephant in Dane's room; Quicksilver. The pressures and rigors, are all bullshit, and if he wants to truly be free from them, he only need to rip up his 6 figure contract and see how the rest of us surf and live.
A friend bought me one of his summer teeth stubby holders for a present, which was kindly made by and had a big red tag on it from Quicksilver. How ridiculous!
Lets start looking at individuals within surfing who do it out of love and in between working jobs to pay the bills, or actual artists who surf and are less self interested. It's one thing to look beyond the tour at 'artist' surfers like Ozzie and Dane, who's sponsors not only clothe them, but buy their paint and print their t-shirts, but it's another thing to continuously talk about these guys and not discuss the contradictory nature of said people.
This is not a shot at The Outsider, who tirelessly and entertainingly writes these intelligent pieces. Thanks man.
@ rebel-tour
You are fast becoming my favourite forum rebel.
We're just jealous I guess? Like the man said.
I like the Malloy's, Brown's and Sydney carpet layers who chase big waves.
You get good enough at something and someone will pay you to do it. You get really good and someone will throw you six figures (I have a sneaking suspicion it might be 7, rebel tour). Does anyone think that Dane Reynolds and/or Oscar Wright would be somehow displaying a kind of artistic integrity if he/they refused money for jam?
They throw you a few bucks for writing the outsider don't they Shearer?
@ Niega
You're from Spain, right? And you know who Colin Smith is??
I'm well impressed...
@stunet
I might have surfed NNarra a couple of times in the mid 90s and that might have sparked my interest for some classic Oz legends from the area...
Lately not even my wife says she's impressed by me. Thanx Stu, you've made my weekend... ;-)
NiegÃ
@Niega and @Stunet
There's a big difference between Col Smith, aussie goofy maestro and Colin Smith, american ASP circus journeyman back in the late 80's, turned into underground waterman.
Colin was never really fond of channels bottoms like Col.
And I've heard that Col was not very friendly in the water... as one could expect back in time at N Narra. How's the cold and rain senhor Adler?
Will you be at Arpoador for the World Old B@st@rds Masters next week?
NiegÃ
Pardon my impudence Julio, but I believe you have Col Smith from NN conflated with Col Smith Newcastle (channel bottom maestro).
An easy mistake to make.
Col's son Rique tears it up and Col Smith NN turned to ball-room dancing in his advancing years.
Hey Niega,
If you spent a bit of time at Narra then Simon Anderson's new bio, Thrust, might be of interest to you. Big Simon pays kudos to a lot of the old fellas, including Col Smith. There's even a few classic 'rubberman' shots of Smithy.
Poto spent a bit of time at Narra too, back when he was under TF's wing. No mention of him in the book but...
Stu,
Thanx but got the book already. Bought it at Bells this year with Senhor Adler. Nice stuff indeed. I'm also enjoying a lot buying old Surfing World and Tracks issues from the 70s, 80s and 90s on ebay. Lots of interesting stuff re. Col, the Newport Plus, Simon, Fitzy, Poto, Banksy, etc...
So many questions though regarding what some of them have turned into...specially the guys from the 90s... Bedford-Brown? Rommelse? Gary Green? Munga? Powelly? etc, etc...
NiegÃ
@Bill Delaney 76
Where the fuck is Billy Powell ?
Buying old mags, eh Niega?
Spoke to a mate the other day and he's offloading a full set of Australia's Surfing Life. Every single one from Volume 1 (Todd Lee on the cover at Kirra) to now.
If you're interested...?
Outsider, why don't you start by campaigning against the sponsor hats slapped on the winners head as soon as they've touched the sand? Every time.
jackaandtheflyingsaucers, you should check out Stu's article from last March "Confessions of a Surf Industry Fluffer".
http://www.swellnet.com.au/news/406-confessions-of-a-surf-industry-fluffer
shearer I'm gonna pull you up a bit on your idea about Australian surfing being born in a state of counter-cultural scepticism toward competition. Almost exactly the opposite is the case.
What we more or less call "modern surfing" in Australia got its kick starts through the baby boom generation and the cross-pollination of lightweight surfboards, which gave young people a chance to travel with boards and sort of re-discover Australia through surfing eyes. It got its great avatar moment at Manly in 1964 with the first world contest, where every division was won by Australians: Midget, Phyllis O'Donnell and Bonza Bob Conneeley.
Thus twin urges were lodged seemingly forever in the Australian surf culture: one of exploration and adventure, and one of competition. That competitive urge has been a massive and ineradicable part of the scene ever since, and it carried all the way through the rebel-magic late 60s and early 70s, appearing in new forms and guises with each surfing generation. It's very much alive today in numerous forms.
Part of the joy of being an Australian surfer, at least I think, is that you can hold both these urges in your surfing at the same time without contradiction or some sort of wacky ethical torment. Lots of surfers wander back and forth between club contests and trips to Indo while somehow avoiding self-flagellation about the rightness of pulling on a coloured singlet.
This is not to say I'm not enjoying the hell out of your contributions to the incredibly dumb, cowardly, vicious, lickspittle trade of surf journalism -- but I do think in this case you're missing that point.
I agree with the esteemed Nickolas Carroll of Newport. All Australians are born wearing Billabong singlets and hiking sandals.
At the risk of seeming hypocritical, argumentative even;
Man, I'm always glad that someone can use 'the game' to their advantage without really buying into it.
Surely that is what most of us are doing in their working life. FMD, how many people turn up because they are so freaking thrilled to be there, as opposed to it being a means to an end.
What is funny is that freeride so expertly derides these IT geeks from Sydney who have the audacity to continue surfing.
And yet he idolises this Reynolds character who surely commits the same crime, cloaked in much finer garb.
As for Carroll's assertion, it's hard to disagree. If there is a nation on earth more prone to sporting competition than Australia, then I haven't heard of it.
The day of reckoning approaches!
Gone are the petrol fueled surf-searches and begin the new era of hunter-gatherer surfers.
What could be wrong with a "Mad-Max" stylized life style? (best movie ever)
Now that would be something I would call a connest!