The Outsider: Winning's Just Another Habit
"Is that all there is, is that all there is? If that's all there is my friends, then let's keep dancing. Lets break out the booze and have a ball. If that's all there is." - Peggy Lee.
When Wilko imploded in this morning's second Quarter Final I fell into a deep funk. Slater's opening ride against Payne in the first Quarter and the reality of the morning high tide and looming afternoon slop all pointed to a Slater chokehold with some opponent tapping out in an anti-climactic final. He has Jordy's measure, and Taj is old news for Slater. Teebs was the form surfer of the event no doubt, but his frontside finners were state of the art when Montaj was released circa 2002. In 2011 with Dane, Marzo, Coleborn etc etc they don't quite cut it as the state of the art.
I struggled to pull the notebook and pen out. Wilko was devoed, he had, what six or seven chances on overhead Snapper walls to put Tiago to the sword? Wilko himself knew it was an epic choke. Post-heat with Rosie as the last of his mojo dribbled onto the Snapper sands he laid a headbutt into the competitors tent and roared like a bull getting its nuts tapped. He cares, at least, and that is something to take away from the fiasco.
Teebs tagged it solidly in the quarter final against Simpson. He looked a million dollars on the clean and green walls, like he looked last year when he wasn't compared to Dane. His high speed rotation and commitment in the lip through critical top turns was the standard by which other surfing was judged this event. That will remain until Dane comes back on tour. He deserved every score he got, in retrospect.
Jordy grabbed another heart attack, last minute get out of jail card against rookie Alejo. Judges will continue to score Jordy high for any size wave but until he nails his opening turn with full commitment his control of the narrative is in dispute. He must dispatch Slater in an early round and inflict damage to challenge this year. From this angle it's hard to see that happening.
The waves were looking prettier than they had all week and the sight of so many unridden nuggets was driving me to distraction. I took a bodysurf as the legends were warming up. Skulking around the media room looking over journos shoulders couldn't hide the looming hole in my coverage. Inspiration deserted at the critical juncture: the perfect metaphor for the response to the Slater juggernaut by the rest of the Top 32.
Black storm clouds were looming over the Gold Coast skyline as Slater took the water against the Portugese Lion. I like the Lion and gave him a shadow of a chance against Slater. He has a winning 3-2 record against Slater. An upset would've bought the race to life.
I asked Slater this morning what he could learn from a perfect year like last year with so few errors.
"Well, it's true," he said "you can learn so much more from your mistakes."
The short, snaggle-toothed Pires was a "mistake" in Slater's eyes and he intended to illustrate what he had learned from losing to him.
Never have I seen a sporting victory conducted, orchestrated and performed with such brutal, elegant efficiency.
Slater opened with a sizzling ride which clearly showed a performance increase from the rest of his heats. He quickly followed with another, demonstrating a double-handed layback power cutback learned from Steph Gilmore and Coco Ho. Reverse gender education. It was all over in two rides in the opening five minutes of the heat. A huge alley-oop not completed was the hi-fi highlight of the event.
"Nothing can stop him now", I said to someone. Kelly's victorys now seem to carry an inevitability with them which matches the aura of an Ali in his prime.
The surf turned to mud for the Final, a result of underestimating the window of tidal opportunity and sending out the legends in the last of the favourable tidal phases. Still, the decision to run in the afternoon was the correct one. Kelly knew this and correctly calculated that Taj with his lightweight Firewire would be a disadvantage in the afternoon onshore.
The pheremonic overload on the beach caused both surfers to gag in the Final. 39 and 32 years of age in a youth sport based on progression. I rooted for Kelly. I always do. I was there on the beach at Pipeline when he won the first all those years ago. If he embraced his inner-Ali he could make a statement far greater than what a wavepool in Oklahoma provides.
He was underscored both waves but no matter. He had control of the heat. He feigned, he stalked, he made Taj paddle for shitty waves when Taj had priority. Taj fell. He never laid a punch on Slater. What'll it take?
They must be asking themselves this, those other pro surfers. What will it take? They can't lay a glove on him. You can see Slater at 50...still pulling an alley-oop in the shorey...hobbling up the beach like Jake La Motta, "You never got me down...you never knocked me down!"
But, how good can it feel still? The danger is not that Slater bows out early and quits. The danger is he keeps winning and one day wakes up in another hotel room with another surfing trophy and thinks, "Is this all there is?"
Peggy played it good and true, just like Slater: Let's break out the booze and have a ball.
Why the hell not Peggy? I bet even Slater had a glass of light beer this evening.
PS. Occy and Tom Carroll both rode round-tail quads in the legends session.
Comments
Wilko's backhand antics were the only elixir strong enough to provoke a buzz during this Quiki fiasco. He's like a hi-fi Bobo. And knowing he cares enough to maw like a neutered bull after blowing a heat means he stands a sluggers chance against a curveball at winning an actual contest or three.
Way to hang in there Freeride, you lady-hater you.
Take this show to Bells for the Outside v Insider, round two: The Shite of the Century.
I had the misfortune ofd having to go to hospital yesterday for some tests, which meant lying around all day watching the qtrs on TV. Yes, free to air TV - how long has it beean how lucky are we to have it back. I read the Outsiders speel on Chopes last year, liked the dialogue but couldn't read in realtion to real sufring. Yesterday gave me the opportunity..and I recon u have read it pretty well. In fact nearly was weel as Slater who is quoted in The Australian today as saying (in relation to the final) "If I had to put it down to one thing, I'd say we in wave-choosing contests, as much as wave riding contests". Very succient, very eleganat and very smart. Outsider I think your prose hs got potential, it's a new digital era, don't fall for into cynicism trap. (Re) read the brillant story Hunter S filed with Sports Illustrated on the Kona marathon within "The Curse of Lono". You will find, "less is more". I encourage you to keep developing your craft...as far as the pro surfers go, how about we tap into Kelly's intellgence not just his athleticism, let it flow to all of us..
You’re right outsider; the similarities between Teebs and Dane are uncanny. Both seem to glide with minimum effort, they look majestic in flight and their high speed pocket arcs are tailor made for pro surfing, but the undisputed similarity is their raw brawn…or rather lack of it and until Dane can step outside his comfort zone and exert serious weight (aka kellyjordymick) behind his hacks he’ll remain what he is today- a flash in the pan. Maybe he should hang out with Tyler for a while.
Oh…have I also mentioned that Dane’s inability to read indifferent conditions and adjust his style accordingly left him looking more ordinary than not last year.
Ps long live the King.
and I want one of them rounded quads
Am looking forward to the Outsiders take on the Bells contest. Brought a smile to my dial and even an out loud laugh. I'm sure the lapdogs yapping around his heels won't be far behind (you two know who you are). Chill fellas, it's entertainment, the world's still spinning.
Mitch Coleborn beat the rap and the threat of 6 months in a Kanuck slammer no longer looms. His public genital fondling hands have been washed clean.
It's a great day for pro-surfing and public exhibitionism.
Kelly looked like he never got out of second gear in this contest and still won it in a canter.
There was plenty of good surfing going on in the heats around Kelly but pretty much everyone that came up against him just wilted. Ace had a bit of a dig but even that was too little too late. I'm sure he lost in round 4 just so he could get an extra 30 mins of low tide Snapper with just one other out.
Don't think I can remember seeing judging as inconsistent throughout an event as that either. Taj's 7 in the final vs Kelly's pair of 5s? Kelly's 8 in the semi for the sublime 7.5 sec barrel that won him the tube time award when Adriano and Taj are trading mid 9s (cough!).
Judges had a hard time. They embraced a philosophy of slightly underscoring tube-rides, especially if it was the first wave of a heat.
(and they will always underscore stalling tube-rides, which Kelly's triple tube-ride was vs deep, driving ones).
The under-score on Kelly's final waves was deliberately designed in case someone really flared ie they needed some headroom.
Overall, I reckon the judging, although at times a bit cryptic, was pretty right on.
Do you think Wilko may have changed his approach and played a more tactical heat, and this lead to his undoing Steve?
I couldn't believe the low 5 Kelly got in the final with that little inside barrel. Hardly any waves were barreling and he got basically a throw away score (in any other heat).
Agree totally. This was also pretty evident in Julian's heat. Does anyone think Julian is a dark horse to take it to KS? Can't see anyone else (other than Dane)
Nah, quite the opposite Craig.
He fell on 5 or 6 waves straight going too big.
He only needed to connect one of those waves and Tiago was toast.
"Enthusiasm is everything. It must be taut and vibrating like a guitar string." Pele
Somebody must like soccer up there.
Make it two beers Freeride.
Cheers
PS - Judging was right on. Just don't bet on 6.0 to cause any damages against the top 5 'til they have at least 5 events and somebody on the board.
@Julio,
I'd bet on Carissa Moore any day to make top five. 6.0 knew what they were doing when they signed him up. I think he could take anyone outside the top five.
Brett Simpson is the new Joel Parkinson.
and Laura Enever is the Anna Kournikova of surfing
I think Kelly's 5 on the last wave was justified because it was quite a small wave when you look at it closely. It's hard to tell the difference between a set wave and a small wave when you watch it on video - all you can make out is the style and the quality of the surfer so the judging often looks really sloppy from home.
Thats a huge call Stu.
In what way?
Brett Simpson is the new Parko like Silverchair was the new Pearl Jam.
And I'm pretty cool with anyone being the next Anna Kournikova of surfing.
Pensky, I think you're on to something with J-Dubb; the judges really got it wrong in Round 3 - against anyone but Teebs or KS10 the bloke would have got a 9 for that last wave and gone through to the final with ease. Actually, as far as the complete package (airs, power surfing, contest smarts and mental strength) is concerned, hard to see anyone else able to really bring it to the King.* *(including Dane, who seems to go AWOL in the clinches).
Great to see Cheyne out there. Been in a good paddock but.
loved your coverage steve!! the best! Can't till you pick up the pen again for bells!
Mother Nature has not been kind often in the post Rabbit era. Perhaps god does have a soul.
Steve,
Accepting that moves above the lip are not always possible with an offshore blowing, as Snapper had in the mornings, or with crosshores that blow down the line, as Snapper had during the afternoon sou-easters, the top turn then becomes the gauge on where the judges are at...
Last year Dane threw down Hail Mary top turns in the QF at Snapper (against Parko) and also at Trestles and at Puerto Rico: full rotation, body weight below the centre of gravity, rail buried to the nose top turns. At Snapper last year he made Parko look stale and restrained in comparison. Hence the bar rose...
This year Parko is doing exactly the same surfing but Brett Simpson, who's style I believe has never been that far removed from Parko, has relaxed his shoulders a bit, kept his hands at waist height between turns, is driving further out onto the face and bringing it all the way back around without any unnecessary body movements. Most importantly he's putting that Dane spontaneity and gusto into his top turn. Through his early round heats he was fitting the criteria I outlined above PLUS he mixed it up with a few inverted air reverses (not play-it-safe-reverses out on the face) and fully committed tail wafts of the kind Teebs was lauded for in later rounds.
So, If Dane shifted the criteria last year via his commitment to the opening top turn, then on the strength of this comp Brett Simpson has evolved to meet the new criteria and Parko has been left wanting.
Plus they've got similar spray jobs on their boards...
So, what your saying is Simpo is the substitute Dane?
Super cool cat to.
Had a really nice chat to him.
He's a guy who'll benefit from the beachbreak events.
Nah, not necessarily. Although he did spark things up in a manner befitting Dane.
What I'm saying is that if Dane has shifted the criteria then Simpo is one of the surfers that has shifted their act accordingly. Add Ace, Mick, Adriano and Wilko to that list. Parko wouldn't be on it however.
I'm not drinking the Simpson "OJ" just yet. But his strengths are not just beachbreaks. Waves like 3-6 foot Snapper (and Lowers) set up nice for him as well.
But negro please...Style not far removed from Parko? Easy there cowboy. You might pull a hammie making such claims.
Mebbe on a small-arse screen with webcast set to low bandwidth while squinting and after reading Ian Cairns' latest trumpet blast of propaganda THEN one of Simpo's cuttys might seem vaguely reminiscent of one Parko did at Sopelana circa 2002.
But other than that, honky's off his head.
But, but...the sprayjobs??
I don't reckon it's that much of a stretch Nug - certainly not enough to tear a hammie. But I'm wary of being one of the Prophets of March. Fuck making title claims or the like from nine months out. Knowing my form Simpo has just had his high point of the year and will get booted first round from here to the mid-year cut.
Simpo is a modern version of Mike Parsons, minus the wonderful redhead girlfriend he had back then.
Wilco is a improved Cory Lopez, minus huevos.
Just as Bede is the new Bryce Ellis, or PT, it doesn't really matter.
Sprayjobs distract the judges like a cat with an advanced form of ADHD.
Oh fugettabboutit! Everyone knows Alejo Muniz will win the title based on strong results at New York, Brazil and The Rip Curl Search Bondi.
It is my firm belief that in order to advance our sport we must remove the element of individual subjectivity. Therefore we must banish any unnecessary decoration or regalia liable to influence the judges by way of emotive response.
Sprayjobs - gone. Only white surfboards allowed from now on.
Coloured panels on wetsuits - gone. Black only, head to toe. Even in Hawaii or Queensland where a deep tan or visible pectoral cleavage may gain a surfer an extra half point with the judges.
Claims - gone. Smiling too.
Logos - gone. All products to be supplied by the state.
It's time for the ASP to make the great leap forward, comrades.
Look no further than Marlon Lipke for a role model
The blokes did what was expected of them in the event. In the freesurfing leading up to it I was expecting more. Even Mick and Parko I thought had a newer dimension to their surfing, more slides and out of control turns controlled.
The girls on the other hand made the event for me. I will never look at womens surfing the same again. Carissa Moore and Tyler Wright blew my mind. Steph has her work cut out for her. In the past Steph brought male esque style to womens surfing, she rips. Tyler and Carissa however bring Male style, power and the whole repatoire of jams, slides and moves with them.
P.S If Laura is the new Anna Kournikova does that make Alana Blanchard the new what?
I thought about Alana after I posted that - I don't know enough to comment properly. I didn't see her surf. Was she in the comp? Must have scored pretty low not to have made it through the losers round 2......
Style-wise Simpo is a mutant hunchback compared to Parko - I can't believe that comparison was made...
Radiationrules giving writing advice to Steve Shearer is the funniest thing I have seen. Was even one of his sentences intelligible without having to re-write it in your own head?
Laura Enever is not the Anna Kournikova of surfing. I don't think Anna got to the quarters of any major event. Laura was pretty amazong for someone who couldn't weigh more than 50 kgs. She did Steph pretty good.
But she's as cute as Anna, no doubt.
Had to consult Wiki but stats seem to (luckily) support my gut feeling - she made 4th round at US open on debut at 15 then next year made semis on debut at wimbledon. Then made quarters and fourth rounds a bit in ensuing years but never seriously challenged the good players (Hingis/Graff/Seles etc).
Good looking, blond bomshell, marketing dream, can definately play really well but never really challenged the top few - sounds like Laura from what I saw. Your point about her weighing only 50kg's is fair but probably illustrates the point in surfing context. She's the same age as Tyler/Carrissa/Sally Fitz/maybe Coco but I can't see her seriously challenging these girls for power and physically dominating the wave which is has been the game changer for the women in that first comp.