Steve Shearer March 28, 2009

A week is a long time in some human endeavours, so they say, and in this respect the magnificent adventure of Pro Surfing is no different. In the month since Snapper ended the Sport has been rocked by surreal and seismic jolts which have permanently altered the landscape and which could not be dreamed up by fertile minds. If a month ago I had said in the public marketplace of ideas that such unimaginable events such as Josh Kerr winning a contest at Margaret River (of all places!) by doing aerials and our current World Champ would run into a storm of national controversy over anti-semitic comments he made to a journo who crashed his World Title party would have come to pass I would've been called a liar and far, far worse.

Unless you've been hiding under a rock you would know by now that Mick Fanning called Chaz Smith from STAB a fucking Jew. Has this act of poor judgement (to be charitable) brought the sport into disrepute? Has it thrown off the legendary composure and focus of Michael Fanning? Will this anti-European slur (for lets face it, the jews he refers to are European in historical reference) in any way impact on the sovereign debt crisis which continues to threaten world economic stability? Will the Real World finally sit-up and take notice of Pro Surfing even if for all the wrong reasons?

Massive questions, massive issues on the eve of Bells Beach, and meanwhile the Messiah, judging by his blog, and how else can mere mortals know him, has been merrily gallivanting around the country, barely surfing!...making kooky little films and sly reflections on responsible journalism. We must take a brief moment now to review his latest fillum, as a possible key to understanding the Messiah's mental state viz a viz Bells Beach and hence the World Title race.

To wit: In a baffling narrative arc Dane enters stage right onto a white sandy beach under cerulean skies and with a couple of ultra-wealthy pleasure cruisers floating idly at anchor like God's own clouds in the background of the mise-en-scene. He then fiddles around with a legrope with the camera staying on the upper part of the torso (to avoid diamond dobby product placement?) whilst a Brooklyn-esque title flashes up on the screen. It says "thrills, spills and whatnot" , before Dane exits stage right and the fillum is over. Over before anything happens.

What to think of this ground-breaking creative endeavour from MarineLayer?

More cynical minds have suggested it is merely Dane's girlfriend cashing in on the Messiah via the under-utilised medium of the home movie but I prefer to think otherwise. I believe the Messiah is making a powerful and cryptic statement about the increasing reach of corporations and their marketing into Public Life. Truly, the Messiah and I read from the same hymm sheet on this important issue.

Thats the way to do it Messiah, none of this pure sensationalism that New Deal journos seem to have become addicted to. Keep the sword well sheathed we might say, whilst the other contenders ride atop this tidal wave of controversy sparked by the Fanning Revelations.

Looking at the rest of the Contenders: Parko has been slipstreaming under the radar of his now infamous Coolangatta colleague, with public utterances revealing he believes the result of his QF with Dane was a fluke and not indicative of the true state of the Pro Surfing performance hierarchy. Slater has also made statements to bolster public confidence in his surfing performances against the assault of a rampaging new Gen. Blaming a hesitant heat where he was comprehensively outsurfed by Jordy Smith on a buckled board.

Jordy joined the winners circle in Tasmania, whilst suffering from a weakening virus, no doubt a strain of the swine flu, caught at the Quik Pro. An ominous sign for the rest of the 45, if proponents of Momentum theory have any credence.

Taj has remained on-point and on-message, with a runner-up finish in Margaret River. Word is hard-man fixer Johnny Gannon has been keeping the legendary pants-man focussed on the job at hand, so to speak, which bodes well for a TB title in O-Ten.

As for the Outsider, he's been hanging in the cheap seats at the Ox with the rest of the surf-dog millionaires (and I use the term ironically), surfing as much as humanly possible as far away from surf contests as possible. Perfect. All the better for recent spelling in the North Coast Paddock and primed for Bells.

The forecast is tricky and not epic. It will be a test of endurance and a war of attrition.

Let the games commence.