Give me danger or give me death: Why big wave measurement is a swinging dick
It's been two weeks since Garrett McNamara rode his latest Nazare behemoth and enough time has passed to allow some perpsective. Not that it's really required; it was the mainstream world that went into a lather while the surfing world did little more than blink at the size of Garrett's wave. We clicked 'like' on the Facebook photo and quickly shuffled on to other matters faster than you can say 'Kony'.
The indifference shown by the surfing world was likely helped by the fact that video footage of the wave is underwhelming at best: A turbocharged peak with no wall in either direction that feathers for half a kilometre before falling in a heap. It didn't even break. So while the mainstream world was hollering 'biggest wave ever' more than a few surfers were scratching their heads. Can you break a world record on a wave that doesn't break? Is it even a wave?
More tellingly, what does this lack of excitement tell us about the XXL project and the whole notion of measuring the height of waves? Don't we care about big waves anymore? Maybe we never really did. Of all people it was North Shore pioneer and meat-eating, proto jock, Buzzy Trent, who said: "Waves are not measured in feet and inches, they are measured in increments of fear." Wind the clock back a few years and Trent's argument is shown in full effect.
It's August 2000 and Laird Hamilton has just ridden a wave at Teahupoo that was nowhere near the largest wave ever ridden but is arguably the heaviest wave ever attempted by a surfer. Hamilton's wave stands as a landmark moment in surfing. We - that is, surfers closely involved in the sport - appreciated Hamilton's wave in a way that non-surfing rubbernecks never could and in a manner which transcends any attempt to place an emprirical, supposedly-objective measurement on it. So what if it was only twenty feet, never had a more dangerous wave been ridden.
Garret's wave at Nazare is the inverse of Laird's wave at Teahupoo; a large wave with only a minor life-threatening element.
Some people may disagree with this and claim Garret's wave was ignored because he's not a big wave favourite with esteemed sponsor to match. He's brushed by the cliquey surfing world, they might say, because he's perceived as a brash loudmouth with an ego to match. Yet a rampant ego and abrasive personality certainly didn't hamper Laird Hamilton's cause, and anyway, some of G-Mac's feats have been acclaimed by the surfing world - his waves at Cloudbreak come immediately to mind.
I believe the lack of hype surrounding Garrett's wave had less to do with the person riding and more to do with our collective disillusionment at big wave measurement. There's much more to a 'heavy' wave than mere feet and inches - just ask the Shippies crew. Measuring big waves in the XXL manner is akin to locker room jocks measuring the length of their cocks. It's time to give it a rest, size, as we more enlightened folk know, ain't everything. But catch something that can truly kill you and we'll love you forever.
Comments
Once again Stu: "Here here."
Personally I love the reference to Cock and G-Mac in the same paragraph (but hey, someone had to take over from Alex 'Ace Cool' Cooke). I've personally seen more than once tear's flowing from Garrett's face while verbally abusing the judges after bombing out in a pipe contest.
But back to the point, do we care? And we all know mush burgers when we see one. A lot of people are pushing limits with deathly waves today, and we love it.
Who knows, Garrett's wave may have been cool if he had laughed about it and honestly played it down.
I'm with you Stu. The photo of the Gmac wave looks insane but the video was pretty underwhelming, especially given the size.
There's a line somewhere between surfing and what is really just downhill wakeboarding and that wave was pretty close to it.
Personally speaking, I'm a little alarmed by the conjunction of 'catch something that can truly kill you and we'll love you forever' in the same sentence as 'cocks', but I get your drift, Stu.
PS. Am disappointed that Mr Visser didn't get a mention.
PPS. Cocks. Of course. I stand corrected.
Do you have a link for the video??
Here you go Mick: http://vimeo.com/58479789#
G-Mac's wave is the one at the 1:00 min mark.
@Whaaat,
Big wave surfing and sex, there's a boatload of material around if I were to write an article on the topic. Perhaps I could start with Fred Van Dyke's famous quote: "All big wave surfers are latent homosexuals."
Yeah so true about size not equalling hard or scary. I am an average surfer at best and I surfed a 10ft+ wave at Nth steyne about 10 years ago that broke like that wave. I didnt even get my hair wet paddling out it was just a big mushy fun wave. Laird's ride still blows my mind everytime I see it.
so gmac and his team watch the charts,cross the globe to surf this mega swell....wheres the decent footage .water footage ,gopro footage off the ski footage ? all we get is some grainy half arsed super 8 qualitycrap..........any better footage coming ?
Would Laird have taken that wave at Teahupoo if he hadn't been honing his skills towing Jaws for years in advance? When they first started towing Jaws were they not hanging wide out on the wall and not right in the thick of it, like they are now? Would these guys in this link http://vimeo.com/51484540 be doing what they are now doing if it hadn't been pioneered with towing originally? Yes the wave of Garrets wasn't very exciting to watch, but hell it was one big bastard of a wave! I certainly wouldn't want that thing landing anywhere near me... Hey, if they enjoy it good on them, i don't see it hurting anyone.
Well put Stu.
While I support empirical wave measurement, I completely agree that not all six footers are equal!
Notwithstanding the somewhat hilarious rise of the Big Wave Geek and his measuring stick etc, here's another critical difference between Laird's wave at Chopes and GMac's Evel Knievel Nazare session.
Laird's ride wasn't on the news next day. It was ridden at a time when Facebook and Twitter actually didn't exist. The whole inflamed 2013 pace of things - the need to get things OUT for public consumption or be drowned in the current - had only just begun to evolve.
Laird's ride was filmed by Jack McCoy and Tim McKenna and the release of the material was slow, controlled, and focused on the surf audience, and resonated within that audience partly as a result. By contrast, Gmac is looking for global attention. His ride blew out on to news sites within hours of it occurring, was seen by, I dunno, billions? And was gone just as fast.
By the way, Garrett's the real deal.
Remember Briece Teara, the kid who died after being caught inside at Teahupo'o a few years ago?
Briece's face was partly torn away -- his jaw broke in half and exposed his windpipe from the side. That's what confronted the surfers who pulled him out of the shit.
Garrett was one of them and he did not hesitate to immediately apply CPR and air resusc, ie mouth to mouth, for as long as it took to get paramedical help. Yeah mouth to mouth on a guy with no mouth left.
Think about that. He's got a circus element about him but GMac is not a clown.
I honestly can't believe more people haven't suffered a similar fate at Teahupo'o as Briece.
I remember reading about it. It was a bomb set which caught out everyone, and Briece tried to duckdive it while everyone else downed periscopes and clung to the reef.
Why are we "scoring" this stuff. Isn't that beside the point.. Just saying..
"a large wave with only a minor life-threatening element."
Quick Q: WTF are smoking Stu....?
Afghan Blonde topped with meth snow cones - why?
And while I'm asking questions, how does a wave that doesn't break, that has no lip or whitewash, which, in fact, is just a moving lump of water, kill someone?
Nice WOTD Stu. Barley says hi! Hehe you shit stirrer;-)
Ohhh, that''s an incorrect accusation (at least in this instance). Fact is I'm on holidays at the moment, been off all week and had no say in WOTDs, not even the last one that sparked a high voltage email.
I plead innocent!
Ok I find you Not Guilty! I'm on holidays too. I'm on the Goldy and am looking forward to this wild weather fucking off and hopefully some nice waves off the tail end of this storm! The Pass tomorrow(is that a secret?)
Cool, now if you could inform Barley of your ruling, him being the executioner and all, we can get on with business. Good luck up north at all your *ahem* secret spots. The swell is starting to fill in down here. Just had a session at North Steyne with the odd 5 footer making an appearance. Rode a Firewire built version of Tomo's 'Vanguard'. Parallel rails, double diamond tail, 5'6" quad - the jury is still out on that one.
hellman no matter how you look at it,though it would be good to see the performance side of bigwave surfing being advanced more ,maybe longer rides with on waves that reel off over a greater distance,I think that is why Laird impresses the massses because he rips on big waves .