The Emperor's New Clothes and the Unwanted Items of an Also-ran
Somewhere in southern China a T-shirt has been printed that will never grace a human torso. Made just last week it will be destroyed this weekend, unceremoniously dumped in a bin somewhere on the North Shore along with other items of clothing sporting the same hopeful slogan.
'Slater 12 in 2012' or 'Parko World Champ At Last'.
Some people may say it's presumptuous of Billabong and Quiksilver to pre-print their world champ shirts but I'm not one of them. The new emperor will need clothes and there's only so many iron-on transfers a half-cut manager can do between the final hooter and the podium champagne shower. No, Bong and Quik have put their orders in and got their merch ready to wear. Only one batch will serve its purpose.
That's great, but let's think of all the bridesmaid shirts that have been made and dumped over the years: 'Mick Campbell World Champ 1998', 'Jordy Smith World Champ 2010', and of course Parko already has his own collection. What happened to all these shirts? Did any survive? I'm sure I'm not alone in hoping that the respective surf companies didn't merely dump said shirts but found ethical uses for the unwanted items. I'm picturing a huddle of Ethiopian kiddies staving off the cold in their 'Taj Burrow World Champ 2007' shirts.
Let's face it, winning is boring, especially when you've already done it twelve times over. As a regular surf fan and bog standard punter I've got much more in common with half-arsed striving and the bitter taste of failure. So give me the shattered dreams. Give me the memory of what could have been. Give me an article of clothing so unique and ironic that hipsters everywhere shall fawn over it forever.
So come on Billabong and Quiksilver, before you ship those shirts to Ethiopia, give me one of them.
Comments
Ah, Stu, I don't care what others say; for a non-journo, you've still got it. Made me larf.
Cheers Whaaat, stay tuned for a hard hitting expose on the manufacture of t-shirts in southern China. Unless of course I can get me one of those free shirts in which case it'll be sunshine, silence, and more non-journalism.
we are only 1 swell away from finding out!
i knew parko had it
i made my owen parko t shirt and have partied my arse off in it tonight so happy for the most stylish of us well done parko.
Yesterday I contacted the marketing manager at Quik to get hold of one of the pre-printed 'KS 12' shirts but was politely told no. There's gotta be a way to get hold of one, though. Surely they wouldn't dispose of all of them, you'd think there'd have to be one light-fingered employee that'd want to hold onto it for a collectors item.
So I'm speaking to you Mr Nimble Fingers at Quik, grab an extra one and we'll cut a deal.
Worth a fortune as collectors' items in couple of years. Try eBay, where I notice Quik has just opened an on-line shop.
PS. Speaking of collectors' items: my best mate has one of the very few Monty Python 'Contractual Obligations' LPs that wasn't recalled and burned after John Denver threatened suit for MP's piss-take on his song 'You Fill Up My Senses'. Apparently Denver couldn't see the humour in the line 'She Came On My Pillow'.
Some people....
those tshirts for sale main drag in kuta $15 a shirt.
Emperor Parkinson and Slater the Also-Ran.
It's a harsh business this pro surfing.
Reminds me of a pair of jeans I bought in Bangkok many years ago. There among the imitation Jordache and Levi jeans was a stall selling 'Live' Jeans. Same red tab, same 501 cut, different spelling of Levi.
I wore my Live jeans with pride for many years.
here is a link to the Chinese version of ebay with a search for Quiksilver. If they pop up anywhere it will be here. It really helps if you can read Chinese
http://search8.taobao.com/search?spm=a230z.1.10.329.a1KbXE&q=quiksilver+...
and you thought it was cheaper to buy online from the USA
Expecting Ke11y to come home with it, I was ready to start referring to Park0.
But the bastard bloody well went and won it didn't he.
Park1nson?
Thanks for the links TLC...
...and the linguistic tip.
Stu, saw this on a school kids bag on the train this morning 'park1n2on'
In case none of you knew that link is to a fake product seller.Although Quiksilver have factories in China there are many more sellers who copy the product.
A dead set give away is the seller's name ending in ao.There are many sellers on Chinese online sites selling fake Quik clothes and a lot of them have their seller's name ending in ao.Any Quik reps out there I will be happy to pass on what I know.
OK kiddies, the merch read: SLATE12
You know, with the "12" warped into a semi R.
And I doubt very much that it's been destroyed. After all it may yet come in useful.
I'll give you $50 and a Deep Surfing Magazine shirt for it, Nick.
Don't say you didn't take one.
NIck, speaking of merch where scarcity for whatever reason, may not meet demand,..
before the outcome of any legal decisions, all i want for Christmas is a VSTR shirt.