The Zen Anarchist Surfing Sorority
The following article was written by blindboy:
I was once President of a boardrider's club. Even now I am not sure how this happened. I don't remember an election so it may have been that I was the only one who turned up to the Annual General Meeting. I may have manufactured the memory, as you do when time passes, but I seem to remember a note saying "Gone surfing, you're President now, good luck." Whatever the truth, the point is that I am not in any way a neutral observer of boardriding clubs. So my description of their virtuous nature should be judged in that context.
One of their greatest achievements is that, as many approach their 50th anniversary, they have minimal assets and have left no more impact on their immediate environment than the proverbial foot prints in the sand. In this age of status driven, money hungry, consume or die, greed this represents a significant achievement. Living Zen masters, should they ever emerge into the real world from their deep meditative states, would be impressed. But even Buddhists keep records. If you want to observe unparalleled detachment from material concerns ask your local club who was Club Champion in 1992. Or (and I am glad on this point) who was Club President then.
Another achievement is that, in the face of golden opportunity, they have not taken to worshipping the great god POKIE and fleecing the statistically incompetent in his name. And if they have been guilty of distributing t-shirts and car stickers in poor taste and of dubious design merit, at least none that I ever saw read, "I surf and I vote". No, they have quietly gone about their business in obscure coastal locations with a lack of organisation unmatched in the annals of anarchy. Believe me, right now there are collectives dwelling in the squats of Athens planning to send representatives to study how our boardriding clubs have survived so long with so little organisation.
To their eternal credit they have even avoided the most ignominious risk of all: becoming as fascinated by our Lycra accoutrements as the bikies have been by their leather ones. It may be unwise to publicly impugn the masculinity of all those burly, bare chested blokes in silver studded leather outfits standing around the gates of their private clubhouses, and I absolutely refuse to do so, but I think you can see how the temptation might arise. No, we surfers are proper blokes and, just so there can be no doubts of that kind, we never linger longer in body hugging neoprene than is absolutely necessary. And as for Lycra leotards, we have refused to even consider them despite their obvious functional and stylistic attractions. OK, I acknowledge that in one instance, one club did perhaps get a bit too close to that type of culture, but one club? Fifty years? We can stand on our record.
Even now most clubs exist only as a kind of ghostly essence that gathers at an appointed date each month to assume its identity, then dissolves without trace. Thus they affirm the wisdom of the Buddha, merging with the universe and denying the boundary between self and other. Against the ethos of the age most do not even have a digital identity while those that do are likely to host a web page last updated around the turn of the millennium.
And they come in all shapes and philosophies. As well as your standard Mid-Beach Boardriders we have Christian (well you wouldn't want to associate with the heathens now would you?) groups, longboarders, body boarders, SUPPERS, surf ski riders and even the last surviving "fraternities" outside the US College system, so I am sure that to maintain the universe in true yin yang harmony somewhere out there, far beneath the radar, the Zen Anarchist Surfing Sorority gathers for its monthly contest. If only those pesky, attention seeking professionals would imitate such humility, the surfing universe would truly be in harmony.// blindboy
Comments
When I was growing up, we'd sometimes see this big fat old black Labrador at the beach. We called him 'The Beach Dog'. Originality wasn't our strong suit.
We'd mutter in hushed tones 'nobody knows where he comes from, or where he goes- he's just, the beach dog'.
Ponder that.
Zen? Shirley you jest! The prick who operates the megaphone first Saturday of every month at my local isn't preaching any zen.
"Like this cup," Foghorn said, "you are full of your own opinions and speculations. How can I show you Zen unless you first GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE COMPETITION AREA?!"
"If you think you really come and go, that is your delusion. Let me show you the path to GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE COMPETITION AREA!."
"Sitting quietly, doing nothing,
Spring comes, NOW GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE COMPETITION AREA!"
Etc etc etc.
I was gonna say something nasty about self-serving shite, but you, Spleen my lad, have said it all, and in vastly more poetic terms than I could ever have.
Eloquently put Spleen. Don't get me started on how irritating it is to be called a "farking old kook" by some 14yo shite who feels justified in blatantly dropping in on me just because he's wearing a yellow rashy and his dad's monopolising on the aforementioned megaphone.
My rejoinder? - "Show some farking respect you little shit, and you might get some in return"
His response? - go in to the beach, tell dad, whose dulcet tones ring out over the waves "GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE COMPETITION AREA!"
There was a guy in my old club who was called Monk. I don't think he knew Zen though. It was short for Monkey.
Maybe all you people have been overestimating Zen monks? Who knows, maybe they're just angry guys in saffron robes?
Being forced to wear 'Saffron', having to shave your head and go vegetarian.
I'd be a little angry too.
And so hard to get sandles that match properly, too.
the-spleen this is clearly a misunderstanding what the guy with the megaphone was actually doing was chanting the ancient Sanskrit verse that roughly translates as "May the Lord Buddha anoint thy every orifice and bless thee with fecundity"
.....and if you are looking for saffron wetsuits and matching booties or a particularly attractive saffron board short and rash vest set blindboy's one stop Zen fashion surf clothing line is coming to a surf shop near you soon!
A misunderstanding you say? The next time Foghorn blasts me with his holy megaphone, blessing me with fecal tea, I shall clasp my palms together, nod toward him and smile knowingly. Thanks for the clarification Blindboy, I feel I've ascended one level closer to nibbana.
the-spleen, do you also paddle out in the local Nippers events or those silly surfboat races? District titles? State titles? National events, pro events, the paddle races and swimming races? Or do you save your rage for the local board riders? There is very definitely an issue about the restricting of access to an important public recreational resource but honestly I find the local clubs to be inoffensive as they use a limited area once a month and, in my experience, provide a very supportive environment for their members, some of whom really need it. So why not join in? You must surf there regularly to feel so strongly about it and being better known to the local crew can only improve your wave quota.
Personally whenever I walk past the Nippers I feel like screaming. Highly regimented, helicopter parenting and living life vicariously through your offspring is much scarier than the local lads revealing the limits of their vocabulary through a megaphone.
"So why not join in"?
Sorry, I'm missing something. Remind us again where the anarchy part fits in to all of this??
So much for the 'surfer as rebel' archetype, eh.
@ Blindboy
Because the nippers dont take the best bank on the beach? Ive been thinking about why I dont join in and why I get upset about them and think it's because boardrider clubs are the antithesis of my surfing experience. Being told when to surf and being judged on how I do it dont sit well with me and I dont like the inherent 'mob mentality' your article conveniently left out. They promote a 'with us or against us' mode of thinking and enforce it every time they clear the water.
I get angry at boardrider clubs because they are close to the heart of surfing but they miss it by miles.
Surfer as rebel? Not these last twenty years whaaaat. We are more mainstream than lawn bowls! The anarchy fits in as, for all their megaphone bluster, they are usually non-authoritarian and most decision making is spontaneous and collective which are characteristics of anarchy.
Sorry you feel that way the-spleen but each to his own, personallyI think they are a unique cultural feature and are the true repositories of the surfing culture I grew up with. Mob mentality? Well maybe, but compared to your local footy team? I don't think so.
I'd like to hear from Big Wayne on this one, so everyone can meet the dickhead behind the megaphone. Boardriders clubs have been trying to turn surfing into a team sport for years, if they could get big enough there would be pokies, gladly I have not come into contact with one in years.
You'll be hard pressed to get the ear of BW shaun because after he puts down the megaphone, he has to tap the keg and pick up the tongs.
Look I know surfing has become seriously gentrified and I admit I'm just a left over from an era when the bloke in the surf next to you was more likely to be a brick layer than a merchant wanker but zenagain can you explain what might be wrong about a bunch of mates having a beer and a barbie? Is this class war? If it is I promise there are infinite depths of mockery to be made in the other direction. Let's draw the battle lines now: you and your Chardonnay swilling Mercedes Panzer driving loner losers versus us hard working ute driving beer swilling community minded team players. Now how does that Occupy song go? Ah yes
" Whic side are you on boys?
Which side are you on?"
"Let's draw the battle lines now: you and your Chardonnay swilling Mercedes Panzer driving loner losers versus us hard working ute driving beer swilling community-minded team players."
Ah, the surfer as noble savage archetype(blue collars only need apply).
Tell me you're being ironic....
Irony? No. Smartarse? Incurable.
Unfortunately with writing, intonation goes astray.
I have absolutely no problem with boardriders clubs. I was a member of one once and I even (unsuccessfully) competed in my uni days.
If kids want to go down that path, go for it, it's pretty much the first rung up the ladder when it come to the lofty heights of aspiring to make a living out of it.
And when it come to snags and a beer, I'll gladly push aside my cheeky little Cabernet and be first in line for a coldy straight off the tap.
And to answer your question, there is nothing at all wrong with mates having a beer and a barbie. When it comes to beers and barbies, I'm a Viking.
Oh, and I drive a Subaru.
A Viking? What drives a Subaru? Globalisation's grand, innit.