Wright's wishy-washy Open excuse

Stu Nettle picture
Stu Nettle (stunet)
Surfpolitik

As the organisers of the Hurley Billabong Australian Open of Surfing are putting the final touches to their beachside big top the word has arrived that Rip Curl rider, Owen Wright, has pulled out of the competition.

Yesterday Owen's management notified event officials to inform them of his withdrawal. Apparently Owen is suffering from complications due to "dehydration". Owen was reportedly, "feeling fine, surfing and filming for one of his sponsors but after a long stint in the water his condition deteriorated."

Wright was due to surf his first heat in one weeks time on Thursday the 16th yet his management said the dehydration-related illness may possibly linger and they couldn't take the risk. Owen's manager, Kurt Jacobs, said of the mystery affliction, "We certainly hope he's okay by next Thursday and we assume he will be feeling okay by then," before adding, "but he might not."

Expanding on the vague ailment Jacobs said, "The diagnosis is still hazy, but the assumption is Owen will be okay as long as he gets a chance to rest."

A hazy diagnosis indeed...

Kurt Jacobs, can I have a quiet word with you? I'll be straight. The excuses you're using wouldn't have got me to the sick bay of the third-rate high school I attended let alone given me a week off to sit at home, watch soaps and eat cheese toasties. Which I'm sure is what Owen intends to do with his free time.

If you want to sound convincing then you've got to bring a doc onto the scene. Make it all official like and let him do the talking. Or, if you're gonna fly solo, then at least use some imagination. Dehydration is an entry-level excuse - you should aim higher. After all, pro surfers travel and expose themselves to many exotic diseases that provide a ready supply of excuses. Malaria is completely plausible. Golden staph too. Hell, you could even give dengue fever a run. Couldn't be less believable than the last person who tried it on.

But this dehydration business isn't a good look for your young charge. Consider this: The contest director at the Australian Open is 1988 world champion Barton Lynch. A bull-headed competitor in his day, Lynch was once asked what it would take for him to miss a heat. "Comatose in bed. Dead." was his stoic reply. Yet the Big O is flagging the comp because of a dry mouth.

See what I mean?

But perhaps I shouldn't be so blase about the potentially harmful effects of dehydration? After all, it wasn't that long ago - 2009 in fact - when Dane Reynolds had to be hooked up to an IV drip after three surfs and two macchiatos during the final day at Trestles. Surfing's macho image took a hit, that much is true, though the incident confirmed what we long suspected: Dane is a fragile, delicate genius. His suffering made sense to us.

Unfortunately, Owen, having never painted his own T-shirt, worn bright socks or read Steinbeck, can't be granted the same indulgence. Fragility won't be looked on fondly. My advice to you, Kurt, is to pour water on Owen's dehydration excuse. Wash your hands of it. Then take a leaf out of Dane's 2011 World Tour yearbook and blame Owen's no-show on sore ribs. It just sounds better that way.

Comments

seaman-staines's picture
seaman-staines's picture
seaman-staines Friday, 10 Feb 2012 at 8:55am

Well we all know surfing management comes with a complimentary medical degree. Dengue anyone?

top-to-bottom-bells's picture
top-to-bottom-bells's picture
top-to-bottom-bells Friday, 10 Feb 2012 at 9:03am

As an old school teacher once told me, the trick is to never use the same excuse twice. I don't believe any surfer has used Acquired Immunodeficiency Syndrome to get out of a comp yet, so that excuse is there for the taking.

victor's picture
victor's picture
victor Friday, 10 Feb 2012 at 9:10am

mr rottmouth....do you smell a conspiracy ....?

boxright's picture
boxright's picture
boxright Friday, 10 Feb 2012 at 9:21am

Couldn't we make this a Rottmouth free zone? Just for once.

the-happy-nappy's picture
the-happy-nappy's picture
the-happy-nappy Friday, 10 Feb 2012 at 9:34am

Sounds like kurt was caught on the hop and offered up the first thing that came into his head. Better than the dog ate his homework. Not sure how that one would apply to pro surfers anyway.

benski's picture
benski's picture
benski Friday, 10 Feb 2012 at 10:48am

That's hilarious!

Sorry, Owen can't surf next week; he's too thirsty.

victor's picture
victor's picture
victor Friday, 10 Feb 2012 at 11:28am

kurt kurt kurt kurt, cmon mate,that is pathetic..give us a bit more......6 days to rehydrate??? owen would have woken up many times seedy and dehydrated after contest celebrations and came good by midday ......

zenagain's picture
zenagain's picture
zenagain Friday, 10 Feb 2012 at 12:06pm

The truth would be a refreshing change.

thelostclimber's picture
thelostclimber's picture
thelostclimber Friday, 10 Feb 2012 at 12:15pm

how about I scratched my pinky and I want to heal properly. Or I can't find my favourite good luck boardies

I'm no doctor, but I believe the common cure for dehydration is to drink water.Surely you could drink an extra glass of water bewteen now and next week. Or maybe its too many Monster Energy drinks (a major sponsor). It doesn't really reflect very well on them that their boy is dehydrated.

Either just say you don't to compete or man up.

freeride76's picture
freeride76's picture
freeride76 Friday, 10 Feb 2012 at 12:24pm

I'm no psychologist but for a small fee payable in advance I'd recommend a dose of harden the fuck up added liberally to the next bottle of Perrier.

And employing a manager who can figure out a half plausible excuse would'nt go astray either.

You've got to laugh though......sorry honey, I;m not drunk......just...dehydrated.

heals's picture
heals's picture
heals Friday, 10 Feb 2012 at 12:35pm

Zenagain: "The truth would be a refreshing change."

I know it would quench my curiosity.

hoppy's picture
hoppy's picture
hoppy Friday, 10 Feb 2012 at 1:22pm

dehydrated, i think we could pour cold water on that one, nothing to do with it being a hurley, billabong sponsored event and being a rip curl team rider is there?

Craig's picture
Craig's picture
Craig Friday, 10 Feb 2012 at 1:46pm

Just going along with the dehydration diagnosis, the comp is 7 days away!!

If you can't rehydrate yourself in that amount of time there is something really wrong..

kanethomas's picture
kanethomas's picture
kanethomas Friday, 10 Feb 2012 at 1:53pm

haha thats funny maybe a can of Solo would help?

surfstarved's picture
surfstarved's picture
surfstarved Friday, 10 Feb 2012 at 2:01pm

Couldn't he have just said "nuh, I don't wanna"? Why come up with a pissweak excuse - it's not a WCT comp after all.

evo62's picture
evo62's picture
evo62 Friday, 10 Feb 2012 at 3:26pm

Freeride,

That is prolly one of the funniest posts I've read in months....

the-spleen_2's picture
the-spleen_2's picture
the-spleen_2 Friday, 10 Feb 2012 at 5:02pm

The truth! You can't handle the truth!

Stu, you've got to stop taking those press releases so fricken seriously!

stunet's picture
stunet's picture
stunet Friday, 10 Feb 2012 at 5:37pm

But it's where the best material is, Mr Spleen. As Don Watson has his Muse, so do I.

sidthefish's picture
sidthefish's picture
sidthefish Friday, 10 Feb 2012 at 6:19pm

spleen, this press release was like a good fart.

It blew thru in seconds, but they're still talking about it.

christo's picture
christo's picture
christo Friday, 10 Feb 2012 at 11:57pm

I wouldn't take this as Owens own reasons! As for Owen sitting at home watching soaps and eating toasties, obviously you don't know Owen very well!! Get off the hate train!

barry-mccockiner's picture
barry-mccockiner's picture
barry-mccockiner Saturday, 11 Feb 2012 at 2:06am

Definitely one of the more exciting surfers on tour, but, is this the same Owen Wright, or Owen Wilson(I'm so confused) that was blazing the caverns of Supertubos as a wildcard sometime in October of 2010, when he got broke off hard, came to shore, was diagnosed by "doctors" with a potentially broken ear drum, felt fine enough to jump back in, but Rip Curl team officials said no and Mick Fanning chanced into a bye to the final and a last kick to his title campaign? Can you say team player. Then, as reported by Mr. Pawle in The Australian, Owen, along with Davo, Travis Logie and Andy Irons all copped dengue fever. Weird coincidences man, just plain weird.

z-man's picture
z-man's picture
z-man Saturday, 11 Feb 2012 at 3:47am

'fishy' and 'wishy-washy' ?

"Somethin' smells like fish baby,
somethin' from out of a can,
I can tell by the smell baby,
you've been humpin' with another man"

Country Joe and the Fi-Filsh

lukesripping's picture
lukesripping's picture
lukesripping Saturday, 11 Feb 2012 at 12:18pm

Kurt said O.W was sick so that means hes not going to compete . [stiff shit]. he dosent have to compete if he dosnt want to , if he was never going to surf again well that would be a story but this is pretty boring shit . oh by the way theres heaps of surfers not going in it and they also dont ride for billa bong or hurley

the-happy-nappy's picture
the-happy-nappy's picture
the-happy-nappy Monday, 13 Feb 2012 at 12:11pm

From SN's Facey page "Saw Owen surfing last Sunday, shooting for Rip Curl, wait for it...in a steamer. Water was 27 degrees, hot sunny day. Dehydration, plausable."

freeride76's picture
freeride76's picture
freeride76 Monday, 13 Feb 2012 at 12:15pm

I heard this from the family: bloke surfed for hours on a stinking hot day in a steamer for a wetsuit ad, collapsed/lost consciousness with heat exhaustion/dehydration.

Buggered why his manager could'nt come on here and correct the public record.

Craig's picture
Craig's picture
Craig Monday, 13 Feb 2012 at 12:18pm

I hope it wasn't the new season 4/3 H-Bomb...

Would have been cooking in one of those!

victor's picture
victor's picture
victor Monday, 13 Feb 2012 at 12:51pm

27 degree water ? ? ? collapsed - lost consciousness,fuck this is getting better and better.......did sarge drop his camera and give him mouth to mouth.

supercrunch's picture
supercrunch's picture
supercrunch Monday, 13 Feb 2012 at 8:03pm

i think i saw him on whale beach rd yesterday

supercrunch's picture
supercrunch's picture
supercrunch Monday, 13 Feb 2012 at 8:03pm

he was ripping even in his car

timberskills's picture
timberskills's picture
timberskills Tuesday, 14 Feb 2012 at 12:59am

Swellnet is forcasting a huge wsw ground swell 4 meters plus at rotto ,at maybey 18 seconds, 6 to 7 meters down South with winds tending wsw by mid morning. Light e to ene winds fresh to start, down to around 5 knotts by around 9am for perth continuing easterly all day with max temps reaching 38 degrees. Just picked up my new 6 meter plate ally center console a week ago!

Call to Builder; Yeh mate it's me , it was a hot one yesterday, all the boys are fucked! me included! we won't be on site tommoza, the dok reconds we maybe dehydrated , anyways we'll start the roof the day after...

z-man's picture
z-man's picture
z-man Tuesday, 14 Feb 2012 at 5:34am

@timeberskills - HurleyBBong can afford to move the entire AOS from Sydney to Perth.

Real waves make a contest.

wolf's picture
wolf's picture
wolf Tuesday, 14 Feb 2012 at 9:36am

In last years Tour De France Johnny Hoogerland was hit by a car while doing 60 - 65 kmph, he was then thrown into a barb wire fence upside down. He finished racing that day, got over 30 stitches that night, and went on to win the overall king of the mountain category...... and all Owen needs is a drink of water?

timberskills's picture
timberskills's picture
timberskills Tuesday, 14 Feb 2012 at 10:13am

hey z-man i'd much prefer the whole asp circus stay over east and other such places... real waves should be kept only for real surfers not asp dancers, prancers and posers, although we do have the drug aware and i think from memory there was one or two junior comps held over at rotto a number of times.. but yeh the aos could have potential over here for sure! and it would be even better if local community groups and organizations were able to sponser a loins share of the event? Are Hurley even aussie?

ticktock's picture
ticktock's picture
ticktock Wednesday, 15 Feb 2012 at 12:40pm

Owen is a good mate of mine ....Obviously poor media management has let him down here. "Preparation for the Quiky pro doesn't include the Australian open" is what should have been said.simple!!!!

victor's picture
victor's picture
victor Wednesday, 15 Feb 2012 at 12:52pm

owen needs to fuck off kurt . still no correction.

sidthefish's picture
sidthefish's picture
sidthefish Wednesday, 15 Feb 2012 at 1:00pm

girls, this is a fart in a tea cup.

on par with Catherine's dress, and Lara's hail damage.

boxright's picture
boxright's picture
boxright Wednesday, 15 Feb 2012 at 1:10pm

Don't treat the surfing populace as stupid by putting out stupid press release. Of course people will want to know where one of the 'stars' of Aussie surfing is. So give them the real story. Like Tick Tock said, this is a simple issue of media management

gggiiibbbo's picture
gggiiibbbo's picture
gggiiibbbo Thursday, 16 Feb 2012 at 8:30am

Owen Wright is number 3 in the world. He rips. After the ridiculous & disingenuous comments from his management caused understandable mirth, let him get on with preparing for the tour. He was clearly showing no physical ill effects based on his surfing at various North Coast beach breaks last week - guy was caning it forehand & backhand. Go Owen, you can win the thing! Tall-poppy haters can eat sh*t...

stunet's picture
stunet's picture
stunet Thursday, 16 Feb 2012 at 9:27am

Ain't no Owen haters here Gibbo, I dig the dude and his surfing. Hell, I'm even willing to give him advice free of charge: Owen, go see Gatorade for a sponsorship endorsement. Perfect client/company relationship.

g-sea's picture
g-sea's picture
g-sea Friday, 17 Feb 2012 at 11:58am

I heard that ripcurl made him surf three 2 hour sessions in a their new fullsuits at straddie, and that he got well and truly fucked up by it. Obviously there's more to it than this shallow article presents, give the guy a break. And comparing this to danes no shows is just wrong, this is a qs event, owen is openly committed to winning the world title this year, and not wanting to risk your preparation for surfing one foot manly slop is completely understandable.

alakaboo's picture
alakaboo's picture
alakaboo Friday, 17 Feb 2012 at 12:07pm

*I heard that ripcurl made him surf three 2 hour sessions in a their new fullsuits at straddie, and that he got well and truly fucked up by it. *
*I'm no psychologist but for a small fee payable in advance I'd recommend a dose of harden the fuck up added liberally to the next bottle of Perrier.*
How about he hardens the fuck up and says to his employers (who are supposed to preserve their investment, if nothing else):

If you want me to shoot a wetsuit ad in January for your northern hemisphere market, fly me to the fucking northern hemisphere.

victor's picture
victor's picture
victor Thursday, 23 Feb 2012 at 4:36pm

kurt, mate is owen o.k. now,is he well enough to surf at snapper ? did you get the sports drink sponser you were after.....